to not want traditional fairy tales used in DD's class

[Blankiefan]

P1 5yo DD's class are doing a range of activities around Fairyland being lost. I don't hear any chat from dd about anything challenging gender norms. For example, she tells me they are making a castle for sleeping beauty this week so the handsome Prince can come and wake her up. Obviously I've discussed the consent issue with her. This seemed to be new news...

AIBU in wanting a chat with her teacher to check on the truth and encouraging some challenge... or will I be "that parent"?

@Damntheman You did realise it was ironic, I expect?

Nobody is taking Fairy Tales and teaching them to children as verbatim fact. FFS give us some credit. If you do go to the school go with the intention of educating yourself on how the basic subject of Fairy Tales (or any other topic your child will do) is broken down into parts and used to teach across the curriculum. Use your intellect and make yourself a list of ways in which that could happen. I can pretty much guarantee you that nobody's teaching focus is the reinforcement of gender stereotyping!

@acomingin I missed that and am gratefully relieved to have been an idiot ;)

Just wait OP, they will be teaching far worse fairytales as fact - that misogynist who impregnates an unmarried girl with his "holy spirit", and who drowns millions of people in a fit of pique. And they're obliged to teach that as fact in both RE and assembly!

flying so its fine to reinforce stereotypes at school as long as you didn't set out purposefully to do so?

Teachers should and( according to some on here) do challenge stereotyping and do all they can to redress the balance of material kids are exposed to outside school. Fairytales of princes rescuing princesses could not be further from achieving that aim.

Its like serving McDs for lunch in school while saying it doesn't really matter what kids eat at school because their parents probably fill them with crap anyway....and then saying oh don't worry we will tell them about healthy eating at some point, but no harm feeding them junk for now.

@Damntheman always difficult to "hear" tone.

We need a sarcasm emoticon.

I am quite amazed at the tone of the replies on here. Of course fairy tales reinforce outdated, toxic social expectations and norms. Of course children learn how to interpret the world from the stories they are told. I'm actually alarmed by the number of people whose responses suggest they see no connection between the entertainment children consume and their worldview.

Of course we should point out the glaring character flaws of fairy tale characters to our children. We absolutely must give them the age-appropriate vocabulary to talk about consent, gender, race and other social issues from the start. To me, those who uphold patriarchal, racist, classist, narrow-minded ways of relating to the world are THAT PARENT. And if you are sliding right over fairy tales as a bit of fun and 'our culture' then you are upholding those ways.

If you think that finding ways to address these issues with kids makes someone a killjoy then I think you might be the dull one at a party. It takes creativity and imagination to think outside the box you were raised in and find ways to counter these messages on the fly while reading a book.

No, Inkstained, you are that parent... Your blood pressure must be dangerously high

*Generations of children been brought up on fairy tales and it doesn't make them weak little girls or domineering boys who don't understand consent. Let her enjoy her childhood

Except, you know, read the Relationships board...*

The relationships board is a small sample of the population and are the ones that are disatisfied with their relationship. You don't get people going to the doctors to say how healthy they are.

Fairy tales can be sexist, misogynistic and violent, yes. They are much improved over what they were when they were original told to children. The important thing is that children do not exist in a bubble and are not only reading fairy tales - they read widely (or should!) and listen to many points of view and learn how to reason which views are acceptable and which aren't. Some women do, sadly, end up in abusive relationships but that is down to their abusive partner destroying their self-esteem and confidence and not down to fairy tales.

this book is worth having a look at:
www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Red-Riding-Hood-Origins/dp/1473326362/ref=asc_df_1473326362/?hvlocphy=1007256&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=311024763511&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos=1o1&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-727641554044&hvrand=5149687345571259525

“JAPAB

Sorry, should have RTFT. Kissing was the thing.

Mind you, there must be countless films she is going to see featuring kissing without a reasonable belief of consent. In romantic films scenes of the hero surprise kissing his love interest without her prior OK being checked for first, are ten a penny.”

I don’t know if you’re joking. Do real life, actual people ask prospective partners if it’s ok to kiss them now? Do people really do that?

I see your point but wouldn’t say anything to the school. I would just at home tell her your thoughts about it

Could be worst. The could do the ORIGINAL fairytales

My thoughts exactly!

Although I totally agree. How pointless to have these romantic elements in stories for kids who could not give two shits. It's indoctrination, pure and simple.

That's why I'm sort of happy Frozen is more popular these days, at least that's not all about being rescued by a man!

I don’t know if you’re joking. Do real life, actual people ask prospective partners if it’s ok to kiss them now? Do people really do that

Gonna have to start doing so soon yes so as not to offend 😂😂

Mythology would be a way better subject.

Lots of interesting stories and things kids like, such as fairies, queens, magical things, and you'd be learning about different cultures etc too

Siameasy they definitely should ask if said prospective partner is asleep!

Hi op, I think it's a great way to help your dd think about issues with consent!

I totally agree with your fears regarding gender stereotyping with fairy tales, I'd hope the teacher would welcome a chat about how they are addressing these and providing alternative scenarios to think about.

My experience of primary school for my 4 dc is unfortunately that gender issues are given very little thought. My dc seem to study male figures 95% of the time and the rare cases it's a woman she will probably be Florence nightingale!

Thankfully high school seems better but lots of damage done by then:-(.

Why are people on this thread so protective of some sexist disney-fied tales? Which are very much outdated?
Disney changed the story to fit their ideals, why can't we create better stories for our kids now?

Noooooo don’t go to her teacher.
Honestly, I think you need to get a real problem if this is all you have to worry about!

My kids' school did the traditional tales (my kids were pretty narked at the drippy passive princesses - on the day the kids could come in as knights or princesses DD2 came in as a dragon from her own choice!) so that in a later year they could play about with the genre and introduce twists to the tales within their own writing. They could well be doing that - but they can't play with the formula and question it - without having introduced the formula as a building block in the first place. If I were questioning it I would do so in that context - how is the work going to be developed upon in future? There's not much point or joy in Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes version if you don't know the original version it's playing with... or with the likes of the True Story of the Big Bad Wolf (if I remember the title correctly), Cinderfella, Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig and others I'll have forgotten. Traditional tales with a twist is a fairly common curriculum one when you're hitting about year 2/3 level but it needs the knowledge base of the original stories to be able to do that with it.

DD2 of the dragon among a room full of princesses also expressed a great deal of indignation on Sleeping Beauty's behalf as she was obviously having a nice nap before snoggy alarm lips woke her up. DD2 is like 95% slot so this struck a note of empathy on her pet subject.

Bet you half the people who think this is fine are the same people who force their kids to hug/kiss people hello and goodbye cos it's "manners"

Body autonomy is a really important thing to teach little children!!!!

@inkstained people come to different conclusions and, have different worldviews and so on, we can't take that to mean they don't see or understand our point.

Bet you half the people who think this is fine are the same people who force their kids to hug/kiss people hello and goodbye cos it's "manners"

Yeah, because a kiss to wake someone from a curse of eternal sleep is exactly the same 🙄 What an idiotic thing to say.

they definitely should ask if said prospective partner is asleep!

How about your sleeping child? Do you never kiss them goodnight?

SoupDragon

It takes a little bit of critical thinking here. Sorry you struggle with this.

Sorry you struggle with this. If you’re going to be bitchy, at least make sure you’ve got a leg to stand on, Kitty, dear.
Cringing for you.