Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to reply to a former friend who sent an upsetting birthday card to my son

135 replies

Mikki77 · 01/05/2019 12:45

So had a friend who's become more selfish and bitter with age. I'm 49 she's 54. I'm married with children, she's single and living the life. She's always out on the town and hosting dinner parties - which I'm never invited to. Any sign of a problem in her life and she's straight over. We feed her and build her up and support her as much as we can, and have been happy to do so. In the last year I lost to very close friends and we haven't seen her for dust. Then she hurt her knee when skiing and hinted that she wanted to move in and wanted us to look after her. Considering we hadn't seen her for months I thought it was a bit of a cheek. In the end we met up and thrashed out our grievances. I invited her over for dinner, she said she would be in touch. Shes didnt bother. At christmas shr sent a card to all the family saying how we didn't have any 'good will!' I tried to talk to her, left message she didn't respond. Last week was my son's birthday she sent him a card basically saying 'it saddens me that i can't see you, its your mum's problem.' He's 10 and was very upset.
AIBU - to want to respond in a letter to say enough leave my family? My husband just wants me to ignore it.....

OP posts:
araiwa · 01/05/2019 12:48

Listen to your husband

Davros · 01/05/2019 12:49

Ignore

IsYourGoogleBroken · 01/05/2019 12:49

Fires only grow if the flames are fanned. Ignore her. Eventually she will go away when she gets no reaction. People like her thrive on the thrill of triggering a resonse.

Best to tell your son that Aunt Mary is having some bad times and shes not thinking rationally.

Do you have friends in common, or can you cleanly cut contact?

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 01/05/2019 12:50

Ignore her. She wants a reaction and she's used a ten year old to get it. Don't give her what she wants, she sounds awful.

luckygreeneyes · 01/05/2019 12:50

Ignore her and cut her out

formerbabe · 01/05/2019 12:51

Don't respond.

Her behaviour is despicable by the way...what a terrible thing to put in a child's card.

DeRigueurMortis · 01/05/2019 12:53

She did it to generate a response.

Don't give her what she wants.

Block her and ignore.

She sounds awful and she's not not a friend. She's simply a user and a taker who gives nothing back.

Funnyface1 · 01/05/2019 12:54

Definitely ignore. It will be better for you and will sting her more than if she got a reaction out of you.

TheTrollFairy · 01/05/2019 12:54

Don’t respond, you’ll be feeding into the drama she wants to create

BogglesGoggles · 01/05/2019 12:56

Jesus. Why have you invited someone like this into your lives? Just bin and future correspondence.

ShinyShoe · 01/05/2019 12:57

Wow. She really did all of that? Does she think she’s the queen of England? She’s got a nerve. If she was family I’d say give it a go to try and work it out but who is this taker? She’s done nothing for you apart from use and abuse. Honestly if it was me I’d send her a message very honestly saying “your birthday card was extremely rude. I have no idea who the hell you think you are sending stuff like that to my son but please don’t send anything else. You’ve been a terrible friend. Awful. Not supportive at all during any tricky times I’ve had over the last year. It’s just all about you. All we’ve done is support and help you and what do we ever get in return from you? Nothing apart from snotty cards. You’ve never even invited me to one of your fancy dinner parties! You’re a shit friend so please bugger off and take your crap attitude with you”

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 01/05/2019 12:58

Ignore, she sounds awful.

Purplecatshopaholic · 01/05/2019 12:59

Wow. Drama queen. Ignore!

downcasteyes · 01/05/2019 13:01

Wow, it's rare that I say this on here, but listen to your husband, the man speaketh sense. Grin

This kind of person will bleed you white while giving nothing in return. They are incapable of friendship or any other kind of two-way interaction. They will just take and take and take.

Jaxhog · 01/05/2019 13:03

Send her one last message to say you no longer want any contact, then cut her dead. She isn't a friend in any meaningful sense of the word.

Villanellesproudmum · 01/05/2019 13:03

I’d actually send it back with a note on it telling her to cease all future contact as the friendship is over.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 01/05/2019 13:06

Ignore

But if you want to feel like you’ve responded, write out your anger then burn the letter (always helps me)

wigglypiggly · 01/05/2019 13:06

Ignore her. If you recognise her writing then chuck any future cards in the bin without opening them.

mbosnz · 01/05/2019 13:06

I think ignore her, too. You gave her a chance, when you told her your issues.

Make sure you intercept and bin any mail from her as well.

I'd explain to your son that your friend has not been a very good friend to you, and that sometimes there comes a time in a friendship, when it's time to call it a day, and that day has come. And your friend isn't very happy about it, but that is her problem.

juneau · 01/05/2019 13:07

Listen to your DH. And while you're at it, I'd stop feeding the flames of this selfish drama queen. Precisely what does she add to your life in positive terms? Nothing, by any chance? This friendship has passed its sell-by date.

Shadycorner · 01/05/2019 13:09

Sorry to say my late mil was like this sadly. Very strong personality. Very judgemental, controlling and manipulative with her DC. I tolerated her behaviour for years for my dh's sake. But the day she cried down the phone to my daughter on her 7 th birthday, saying it was all our fault that we weren't together, and how unhappy she was, I went lc .(We thought she had rung to simply wish her happy birthday - fortunately had speaker phone on!) In other words, you can make a decision as an adult as to how much crap you are willing to tolerate, but the moment they involve your DC, it's time to haul up the drawbridge sadly.

Ceebs85 · 01/05/2019 13:13

I'd send something but then leave it. I'd have to have the last word.

Sn0tnose · 01/05/2019 13:13

I think your husband is right. Tell your son that she’s being silly and that you’ve decided not to be friends until she’s stopped being silly. Then bin the card —and hope she gets terrible diarrhoea during her next dinner party—

I might also be inclined to pounce on the postman before the next big occasion, just to make sure there is nothing else addressed to your son.

Erinaz · 01/05/2019 13:14

How about you send a funeral card back saying that as a family we will not be missing you as its been lovely without your drama X

KittyInTheCradle · 01/05/2019 13:15

Wow.

I would so not take the high road!

I'd tell her never to contact me again unless she wants to get reported to police for harassment.

What an awful person.