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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to reply to a former friend who sent an upsetting birthday card to my son

135 replies

Mikki77 · 01/05/2019 12:45

So had a friend who's become more selfish and bitter with age. I'm 49 she's 54. I'm married with children, she's single and living the life. She's always out on the town and hosting dinner parties - which I'm never invited to. Any sign of a problem in her life and she's straight over. We feed her and build her up and support her as much as we can, and have been happy to do so. In the last year I lost to very close friends and we haven't seen her for dust. Then she hurt her knee when skiing and hinted that she wanted to move in and wanted us to look after her. Considering we hadn't seen her for months I thought it was a bit of a cheek. In the end we met up and thrashed out our grievances. I invited her over for dinner, she said she would be in touch. Shes didnt bother. At christmas shr sent a card to all the family saying how we didn't have any 'good will!' I tried to talk to her, left message she didn't respond. Last week was my son's birthday she sent him a card basically saying 'it saddens me that i can't see you, its your mum's problem.' He's 10 and was very upset.
AIBU - to want to respond in a letter to say enough leave my family? My husband just wants me to ignore it.....

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 01/05/2019 13:16

Ignore.

Which is what you should have done years ago. Letting people take advantage of you does not make you a better person.

QueenBeex · 01/05/2019 13:18

ignore, cut contact, no more picking up the pieces for her and being the last resort

Thismummyruns · 01/05/2019 13:18

She wants the reaction for attention. Ignore!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/05/2019 13:20

I'd send her a short note tellng her that dragging a 10 year old into an adult disgreement, using his brthday as an excuse to get to him, is a vile act. An act that has brought your friendship to an absolute end, that she is to stop contacting you and your family with immediate effect.

Keep a copy and if she tries anything again keep very good records and half a thought on harrassment charges,

Drum2018 · 01/05/2019 13:24

Block her number, block from social media and keep an eye out for further post - don't let kids open any post, make sure you check it first and bin if its from her. She's one spiteful bitch to have sent both the Xmas and birthday cards with her snide remarks. If she manages to contact you after blocking, hang up, ignore emails, texts that may get through, voicemails. Just ignore the fact that she exists and tell the kids that she is no longer a part of your lives, as people move on and friendships can end.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/05/2019 13:26

Ignore her. I would be fuming. I'd want to confront her but it is exactly the reaction she is waiting for, don't give it to her.
Let her stew, leave her in the dark, next year get to the postman first.

justmyview · 01/05/2019 13:28

How about you send a funeral card back saying that as a family we will not be missing you as its been lovely without your drama

^ I think this would be in extremely poor taste

OP, I think best to ignore and move on

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 01/05/2019 13:29

Ignore.
Anyway, you can't argue with crazy, which is what she is.

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 01/05/2019 13:29

Ignore and forget about her (although I did love the previous poster's long explanation letter to her!)

mummyhaschangedhername · 01/05/2019 13:30

Ignore, she wants a fight and to put the blame on you. Don't give her that satisfaction.

Original poster
Mikki77 · 01/05/2019 13:31

It's true, I found her exhausting....

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 01/05/2019 13:33

Agree with previous posters. Ignore, as otherwise she gets to prolong the drama. I would have no more time, ever, for someone who had sent that message to my son, though.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 01/05/2019 13:34

Ignore her and intercept any future correspondence in case it's more of the same.

goldenchicken · 01/05/2019 13:36

OMG she sounds vile, and unhinged.

Block.

Avoid.

Ghost.

Get on with your life.

Good luck, and happy birthday to your lovely son! Flowers

foreverhanging · 01/05/2019 13:37

She sounds like an absolute dickhead. I'd get rid

goldenchicken · 01/05/2019 13:39

Actually I would like to revise my advice.

I agree with a few others...

Send her a letter (keep a copy!) saying 'how DARE you drag my son into this, now fuck off out of my life, you manipulative toxic cunt,'

And then block, avoid, ghost. And get on with your life.

Keep everything she sends, as you may need to raise a harassment case.

lyralalala · 01/05/2019 13:40

To me she sounds the type that could turn harassing so I would sent one message, and record it (read receipts if email or recorded delivery if letter) telling her to stay away from you and your family. Keep that proof in case you need it.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 01/05/2019 13:42

I’m not even a mum but I would go absolutely apeshit at her. Dragging a 10 year old into this? Upsetting him on his birthday? She needs her arse handed to her on a plate. How dare she?!

Original poster
Mikki77 · 01/05/2019 13:42

Thank you for all your advice.
I blame myself too as I felt sorry for her being single and having no one to turn too, so I made excuses for her. I just don't want her to get in touch with my children.

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 01/05/2019 13:43

Who the fuck sends a Christmas card to a family saying they no good will? And then a birthday card like that to a 10 year old? She sounds like a total loser. It's laughable how pathetic this is. No wonder she doesn't have many people in her life. What on earth were doing hanging around with her in the first place?

Ignore, ignore, ignore. You don't need such a loser in your life. I challenge you to sit down a write a list of 5 positive things about your friendship with her. I am sure you can't. Throw the cards in the bin. If the cards continue for long enough then one simple email/letter saying "if you don't stop harassing us I will contact the police". Then follow through. End of.

billybagpuss · 01/05/2019 13:44

batshit! ignore

UniversalAunt · 01/05/2019 13:47

Ignore.
Block.
Filter anything incoming.

Should she (ever) make approach to apologise & reconcile, acknowledge it & pause to consider.

fluffiphlox · 01/05/2019 13:48

Melodramatic AND needy. Ignore. Forever.

RomanyQueen1 · 01/05/2019 13:58

Ignore and block her, and learn the lesson of not being a mug in future. Thanks

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 01/05/2019 13:59

Silence is the clearest message here. She is looking for drama and any reply will feed into that. I'd only reply if ignoring for, say, 2 months has no effect, then I'd send one message telling her to stop. If that didn't work then I'd report it to the police. But I'd be very surprised if it came to that.

Blocking her everywhere you can will help with the message and also your peace of mind.