AIBU to want to reply to a former friend who sent an upsetting birthday card to my son

[Mikki77]

So had a friend who's become more selfish and bitter with age. I'm 49 she's 54. I'm married with children, she's single and living the life. She's always out on the town and hosting dinner parties - which I'm never invited to. Any sign of a problem in her life and she's straight over. We feed her and build her up and support her as much as we can, and have been happy to do so. In the last year I lost to very close friends and we haven't seen her for dust. Then she hurt her knee when skiing and hinted that she wanted to move in and wanted us to look after her. Considering we hadn't seen her for months I thought it was a bit of a cheek. In the end we met up and thrashed out our grievances. I invited her over for dinner, she said she would be in touch. Shes didnt bother. At christmas shr sent a card to all the family saying how we didn't have any 'good will!' I tried to talk to her, left message she didn't respond. Last week was my son's birthday she sent him a card basically saying 'it saddens me that i can't see you, its your mum's problem.' He's 10 and was very upset.
AIBU - to want to respond in a letter to say enough leave my family? My husband just wants me to ignore it.....

Ignore, don't let her know it got to you or your son. It was her intention after all, let her sit in the silence.

Wait a while and then block her on everything.

Ignore and block. And if anything comes in the post, mark it "not at this address" and stick it back in the post box. What a vile cow.

I agree, return any letters that come in the future in opened, and ignore her. Tell your son she’s obviously very unhappy but it’s not your families job to be her punch bag.

Find someone that appreciates you to be the friend you deserve.

I’m the first to say to leave it and not give her fuel, but she contacted a 10yo!

I think she’s tried to niggle you with the crappy Christmas card, you ignored her rightly

But this is a whole other thing.

Send a letter back to her to make it absolutely clear that she was already being held at arms length due to her behaviour towards you and your family which you’d already spoken about, and that you’d hoped she’d got that message.

However, ANY possibility of reconciliation or even just polite acknowledgment has been utterly removed by this latest stunt.

“To be clear, do not contact me, my family or friends, or anyone associated with me again. If you don’t abide by this, we will not hesitate to take legal action against you and notify the police of your harassment and malicious communications”

Hit her back hard, make sure the steps are in place so that if she even squeaks in your direction that all manner of nukes go off.

How dare she bring a young child into this!

Don't reply. Ignore her. If you do anything other than completely ignore her, she will have got what she wants.

How did your 10 year old even know what was written in the card? I'm assuming it was addressed to him and he read it before you did. If that's the case, you need to contact her and tell her in no uncertain terms that she isn't to contact your child (or you) again. If you ignore her who knows what she'll say in the next card/letter to him.

Ignore and intercept any further mail addresses to your son by her in order to prevent any more upset to him.. [Assuming you would recognise her writing.] She is NOT your friend OP.

Ghost her. You will be losing nothing but a parasite who has been abusing your kind nature for years.

You should send her a solicitor's letter immediately to tell her to stop harrassing your son and not to contact him again. Do not speak to this woman again. She's dangerous.
I suspect she has a personality disorder. A feature can be taking revenge on those who have dared to question the person's actions or thoughts or behaviours. If they feel disagreed with, they get severe separation anxiety and turn to revenge on the person who 'slighted' them.
Typically, they try to hurt and get revenge by hurting the other person's loved one.

The only way to win it : is to not be in it!
She sounds like a complete narcissist, a childish one at that. Any more cards should go straight in the bin.

That's a really weird thing to do to a ten year old child. She may be depressed and lashing out, or she may just be a bitch. Either way it sounds as if this friendship has run its course. Your lives have diverged, it happens unfortunately and if she or you can't trust yourself to be civil then contact between you must end. The best relationships bring out the best in each party. The worst bring out the worst in us. This isn't a healthy situation. I wouldn't write any dramatic notes but I'd cut all contact, and block on social media etc.

She’s not worth any more drama, and she just wants attention. Ignore her!

@MrsGrannyWeatherwax
Ignore

But if you want to feel like you’ve responded, write out your anger then burn the letter (always helps me)

Great advice

Horrible person - using your child to have a dig at you. She's goading you, wanting a response. Ignoring her will deny her the satisfaction of knowing she's got to you. Your DH is right: cut her out once and for all. Ignore, do not respond. Ever.

Ignore. Block. Be the bigger person. She'll get the message.

She sounds a bit of a nightmare. I think your husband is right - ignore her and move on. She's not really your friend, especially after sending that card to your DC.

That was such a mean thing to your son. I agree with your DH. Let it go, ignore her and weed out any future cards she sends him before he gets them and check they are appropriately worded.

Actually I'd keep anything she sends you (including the recent card) in case you need it for evidence later - though I hope you won't need it.

Then block and ignore her on everything. She sounds really nasty and bitter (as well as highly inappropriate, treating your son like that). You don't need to give her any space in your head and your lives will be better without her in it. 🌹

Just ignore

I’d cut all contact with her. Using a 10 year old like that is disgusting.

I wouldn't reply. If anything I'd probably chuck it back in the postbox

She sounds seriously unbalanced. Although silence is the most mature response I would consider sending the card back with a short message saying that she has crossed a line and you want no further contact from her in the future.

Then block.

I would say ignore as she’s a horrible self centred drama queen. However, sending nasty crap to your child is outrageous and unacceptable.

I would send one letter recorded and signed for saying that she has crossed a line with both her unreasonable demands and sending unwanted and upsetting messages to your ds so from now on she is not to contact you or anyone in your family again. Then block her numbers and email and either bin any correspondence unopened or return to sender.

OMG what an awful thing to do! Block, and intercept any more cards. Fruit cake!

She sounds rather selfish and immature TBH .Anyone using a young child in this way isnt really worth bothering about!.Ignore the card and say to your son , sometimes parents fall out with their friends and make new ones ,just as children do really. As your lives have gone down different paths, its best to concentrate on the friends you do have and dont worry about it