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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To drink almost a bottle of wine everynight

397 replies

Mum21beauty · 30/04/2019 21:30

I am not reliant on it . I just enjoy it every night though ...

OP posts:
Mum21beauty · 02/05/2019 15:07

ScatteredMama82 - Hi , I am not using my stress an excuse, I use the wine as a coping mechanism to get through my stress and anxiety. I dont just drink for the sake of drinking, unfortunately I use it to cope with shit at the moment. Thank you for your concern and I am taking positive steps to help myself.

OP posts:
Rabbitmug · 02/05/2019 15:43

Brilliant OP that you are seeking help, posters need to read your updates and stop piling in now... Good luck you can do this! xx

CarpeVitam · 02/05/2019 16:31

Brilliant OP that you are seeking help, posters need to read your updates and stop piling in now... Good luck you can do this! xx

This!

Well done OP x

waterlego · 02/05/2019 16:33

Well done OP for taking these posts on board and deciding to take some action. That’s not an easy thing to do at all.

As for tea at 5pm being ‘weird’, I must be a fucking nutter. I’m still sipping brews till about 10pm most nights. Even been known to order it in pubs. #teanutter #madfortea #Iknowhowtolive

Rabbitmug · 02/05/2019 17:00

waterlego totally with you on the tea front! I can't imagine being offered alcohol at 5pm I must say, unless it's Christmas or skiing and then anything goes!

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 02/05/2019 17:29

Thank you for the update OP, that sounds really positive!
See how it goes with the drinking...if drinking only at weekends creeps up to drinking every day again then think about giving it up for a while and see how that works for you.

singswithitsfingers · 02/05/2019 18:38

Very well done OP. You are an inspiration. What advice did the GP give re gradually reducing? (Apologies if I missed that)

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/05/2019 20:05

OP, I've gone through stages of drinking way way too much. When my mother was dying, I drank at least a bottle of wine a night for about a year. I was looking after her and my four year old at the time and she lived miles away and I was travelling for hours daily, and it was so goddamned stressful, it was the only thing that made me sleep. Then years later my husband left me with an ASD toddler and that was a massive shock. I didn't drink for ages because I knew if I started, I wouldn't stop but it crept up because again, I couldn't sleep and wine does have that affect on me but the fact I was in charge of this little person on my own probably stopped me from drinking myself to death. Because I would have. I probably drink too much now and am a bit of a weekend binger which is probably worse. I have got into the habit of only having wine on a Friday and Saturday and I never touch spirits, largely because I don't like them. The rest of the time I've got a huge library of different fruit/green teas, always sparkling water and fresh lemons on tap, Becks Blue is really good and makes a lovely alcohol free shandy and Sainsburys do a range of very good alcohol free wines which are perfectly palatable. Aldi do a really lovely very low alcohol wine at about 5% (and available in white, rose, red) which is very pleasant. Oh and Robinsons adult squash (lime and mint) makes a gorgeous refreshing drink with loads of ice and sparkling water. I realise and understand that you don't get the pissed feeling from any of that, and lets face it, that is the "nice" bit, however, if you're going to start cutting down then substituting some glasses with some of those I suggest will really help. I also do a lot of exercise (which is really good for the liver), make sure I drink at least 2 litres of water a day and during the week make up little HIIT routines when DS is in bed and use that time for some weights, planks, squats, that sort of thing. It's a good distraction after a stressful day and actually the endorphins are way better than any wine! To be honest, the last thing you'll want is a drink after that! My family is awash with alcoholics and I am aware I have to be careful because there is a very fine line. My Dad is 80, drinks at the very least a bottle of red wine a day, probably more, he's in amazing health EXCEPT for Alzheimers, it is quite possible his years of what he sees as "moderate" drinking might have had an affect. He never gets drunk, spaces it from lunchtime, always with food, through to bedtime and thinks that's perfectly fine. Indeed, it IS perfectly fine for him now he is in his twilight years, he is enjoying the life he has left while he can and has a very full life at that, but I personally think he's been very lucky to get away with it for as long as he has. You will get there, see if you can do no wine every other day at least, buy smaller glasses and half bottles (or the low alcohol stuff), then bigger gaps. Post back here when you're feeling weak. I hope your GP has also suggested that you address the issues that got you to this point in the first place...perhaps some counselling? Sorry, I didn't mean to post such an essay but your thread resonated and I really hope you can get back on an even keel really quickly....and be a fit, healthy mummy for your little un'. Good luck! Flowers

ScrimshawTheSecond · 02/05/2019 20:22

More power to you, OP. x

expat101 · 02/05/2019 22:35

Can I just add a thank you to the poster who suggested the Club Soda Together facebook page? I have joined it and there is a wealth of support, alternative ideas and suggestions for people in our boat OP.

Cobblersandhogwash · 02/05/2019 23:01

@TheFormidableMrsC amazing post. Really helpful, great advice.

ForksintheRoad · 02/05/2019 23:33

I've just watched the Adrian Chiles' documentary Drinkers Like Me on YouTube, as some PPs recommended it. I'd actually say AVOID this if you're trying to give up!!

This is a guy who averages about 70 units of alcohol per week, but they show Frank Skinner, former raging alcoholic now teetotal, telling him that as Adrian doesn't drink to the level he did, then he'll be fine and to just carry on as normal!

Not the inspiration I was hoping for....😱

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/05/2019 23:44

@Cobblersandhogwash Thank you love, just sharing what works for me and keeps me from falling into that hole. I hope useful for OP!

smidgeymum · 03/05/2019 00:00

Your biggest mistake is to write it on here!!

loveonthewall · 03/05/2019 00:23

Formidable, you are the prime example of what I'm come to Mumsnet for x

Cobblersandhogwash · 03/05/2019 05:56

@ForksintheRoad I know what you mean.

I've just read the joy of being sober and the sober diaries. And I'm reading Jason Vale's kick the drink. All great and inspirational reads.

But my drinking was never ever to the extent of these three. They were really hardcore. But I know I was still drinking too much.

The wine witch however, will say to me that because I was never blacking out, never drinking before 7pm, never drank quite a whole bottle each night that I can manage it. That my levels of consumption are safe. Which they weren't.

Sleephead1 · 03/05/2019 06:56

well done I think you may well find an improvement in your anxiety of you stop drinking. It can seem like a solution but can be counter productive. You could treat yourself to some lovley fancy non alcoholic drinks. What about starting something that may help your anxiety in the evenings such as mindfulness , yoga or exercise ? you could also save all the money you usually spend and put it towards a treat for you all

Cherrymix · 03/05/2019 08:38

Well done OP for taking the first steps to looking at your drinking. Wishing you very good luck.

You mentioned that you are using wine to help you cope with stress but what you might find if you cut down is that you will feel less anxious and stressed.

There is some info on the Drinkaware website about how alcohol can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression. It is also covered in The Naked Mind by Annie Grace, which I haven't read myself but which lots of people have recommended.

After a long period of not drinking at all last year, I would say that the top benefit for me was improved mood and ability to cope with difficult and anxiety inducing situations.

CottonSock · 03/05/2019 08:50

I said it above op, but our situation sounds so similar. I got to the point though recently where I thought it's either anti anxiety medication or give up booze. I was not sleeping some nights at all. I have not quit booze altogether, I'm still buying some mini bottles, but stopping at one of those. The Allen Carr book was so positive for me. It's aimed at those giving up, but I thought I will give myself one last chance at moderating myself. If I fail I will read it again and quit. I think I can do it this time, my mind set is different. I feel free from being drunk (and around my young kids). I feel free from sleeplessness and hangovers. I'm less snappy and more productive. Yes it's only a week, but I've slept every night. I think I reached a turning point. It sounds like you have also. Anxiety is awful.

ForksintheRoad · 03/05/2019 10:13

I've just read that a "standard 750ml bottle of wine that is 11.5 per cent alcohol by volume contains 8.625 units, but one at 12.5 per cent strength has 9.375 units and one at 13.5 per cent has 10.125 units"

I've been drinking a bottle a night of the weakest wine I can find for about two years now, thinking it wasn't so bad because it's only 11.5%. Turns out that's 60 units per week (and the safe guidelines are 14 units per week)!!

expat101 · 03/05/2019 22:45

It's frustrating Forks I know! I'm not in the UK but low alc wine where I live is usually around the 9% mark. The one I particularly enjoy is 9.5%.

I drink low Alc as I'm trying to pull back how much I'm consuming, while still enjoying a drink at the end of the day. However, the potential long term harm is still there.

I'm going to investigate some of the medical options the GP might be able to prescribe to reduce the desire even less.

strawberrisc · 03/05/2019 22:47

@smidgeymum

Your biggest mistake is to write it on here!!

Clearly not given the outpouring of support and advice, not just to the OP but to any reader.

Jog on.

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