To drink almost a bottle of wine everynight

[Mum21beauty]

I am not reliant on it . I just enjoy it every night though ...

I did this for a week when dh was working away.I enjoyed it but I snacked constantly whilst drinking it (wine makes me hungry) so probably an extra 1500 calories a day.Its up to you but it will catch up with you eventually.

I did this and more for years. About 8 months ago I decided it had to stop (largely because I couldn’t bear the idea of it stopping so I knew I was emotionally dependent on it). I now only drink 3/4 nights a week and I don’t drink as much as I used to when I do drink. I absolutely don’t feel or look any better for it. I was fit and well before and I’m fit and well now, but I am hoping it’s having unseen internal benefits.

Wine is just so nice isn't it?

I've come to realise I was drinking too much - for much the same reasons as you. Destresser and I really liked it. Especially in the summer, having found a wonderful icy cold white I love, friends round etc.

I've changed my mindset now to recognise it as a treat. Like Mars bars or chips. Not something that is healthy and should be consumed daily, but saved for the right moment when it can be fully appreciated.

As pp said, the first thing I noticed was the improvement in my quality of sleep, which I hadn't appreciated even moderate amounts of alcohol was fucking with. And how you feel when you sleep properly regularly is worth most nights being alcohol free.

I used to be addicted/reliant on alcohol OP. After I'd had a couple of years on one bottle a night I had one time where I became too weak and dizzy to stand up and was puking black blood into the toilet. I ignored it and carried on drinking. I now have a shrunken (due to past swelling) and cirrhosis of the liver. I know this because I had to go to hospital when my eyes turned an alarming shade of yellow. For a while it was thought I may need a partial liver transplant.

@cuppaand2biacuits, no one I know would have a cup of tea at 5pm. It would always be a beer/wine/spirit. Quite unusual to have a cup of tea at 5pm I would think. Your SIL sounds normal. If I went around to someone’s house just before dinner and they offered me a coffee/tea I’d think it was weird.

Hi OP well done for being brave enough to open up the discussion on this topic. There are many, many of us that have been/are in the same position as you and perhaps are in denial about it.

I work a high-stress full time job and have a toddler and when I returned to work from maternity quickly found myself drinking a bottle of wine a night in order to cope. Over time it crept up and my mental health slowly deteriorated, I didn’t realise how much I was causing myself to suffer, my sleep was awful and my stress levels were through the roof.

I read Claire Pooley’s The Sober Diaries and decided to try a months sobriety which turned into 3 months. I was amazed at how much better I felt. Drinking is so encouraged by society, it’s almost dictated at many gatherings and that was the part I struggled with the most, within a week though I felt so much better, the sleep! My
ability to cope with work and family and life also improved.

I come from a family of alcoholics and it’s upsetting seeing my father now 62 slip downwards from functioning to non-functioning alcoholic. I’m currently pregnant but have decided not to return to drinking once the baby arrives, I don’t want my kids to see me using wine as a coping mechanism, I don’t want the anxiety filled insomnia and I know I can feel better without it, even if I do miss it a lot.

There is so much support here and elsewhere online for people striking out and giving sobriety a try and I’d really encourage you to give a dry month a go and see how you feel at the end of it. Best of luck!

Someone said they wanted tips to stop drinking during the week.

Two things that have worked for me are firstly, buying alcohol free red wine. I don’t have it every night but there are some foods that I associate with red wine (steak, cheese etc) and I find it helps if I have a glass of the dealcolholised stuff when I am eating those. The best two I have sound so far are Natureo from Waitrose and the M&S Merlot. It isn’t as nice as proper red wine but with food it looks and tastes sufficiently familiar that it feels like a treat. It does contain some residual alcohol but apparently you’d have to drink 45 glasses to get the equivalent of a unit and I probably haven’t drunk that many glasses of it in the 8 months I’ve been drinking less. I also tried alcohol free gin substitutes but they were very bland.

The other useful thing is I’ve bought a big insulated tea pot and make a big pot of herb tea every night, (I like camomile and vanilla). I top my tea cup up in the same way I used to top up my wine glass. I am beginning to get the same ‘ahh’ feeling when I sit down and take the first sip of herb tea that I used to get when I sat down for the first glass of wine.

One advantage of drinking less is that I remember more of what I watched or read the previous night when I wake up in the morning. I often used to have to reread or rewatch the previous nights entertainment to refresh my memory. Now I am retaining things much better. Except for Line of Duty. I still never have a clue what went on there.

If anyone could recommend a dealcoholised white wine that actually tastes of wine I would be very grateful, all the ones I’ve tried just taste and feel like sugary, watery grape juice.

I like a drink and dislike the moralising no-more-cakes-and-ale puritanism about it on this site. But even I (!) think that nearly a bottle a night is a lot of booze. I believe you when you say you're not physically dependent, but I think you might be dependent on the wine to relax amidst the pressures of modern life.

Why not try to have a week off - you may be surprised how tired the alcohol is making you feel and how fresh you are if you give your body a bit of a break. I don't think you need to stop drinking, just cut back a bit, have a few days a week off, and you'll enjoy the days when you do have it all the more .

Is there a sober responsible adult in your house everytime you are drunk ? If not what would happen if your child is taken ill ? can you imagine having to call a Doctor to your home or having to get your child to a hospital when you have drunk so much ? Do you want to be that Mum ? Do you want your children to have memories of thheir Mum always drinking ? They notice everything and are more than happy to chat to their teachers about Mummy drinking wine every night.

@FrancisBaconandEggs
No need to be so judgemental to OP The feedback she had from this post has bullied her into thinking she's the only one who drinks excessively.
She's quite welcome into the drinkers gang! The truthful ones who don't lie/hide how much they drink.
Keep your judgemental comments to yourself.

i think the moment something turn from enjoying it and so having it to it taking stresses away is a worry.or the start of needing to think about things.and thats not judging,people are going through some really stressful shit so need something to take that away.but using a 'drug' to do this is not going to hekp in the end.becasue it can only sprial if things arent 'fixed' and that means working through the problems/troubles so you can cope.

Could I recommend Club Soda on Facebook for anyone looking for support with alcohol issues? It's been invaluable for a family member and is full of people with similar issues helping each other in a non judgmental way.

Quite unusual to have a cup of tea at 5pm I would think

I'm clearly unusual. First thing when I get in from work is make a cuppa.

Yeah I don't think a cup of tea at 5 is weird either?!

My mum was an alcoholic, she drank 1 bottle a night. It occasionally turned to 2 but most of the time 1, it's still a dependency even if you aren't drunk. I have only drank a bottle in one night once and I was sloshed. It's a lot of alcohol. I wouldn't drink a bottle of lemonade a night, it's a lot of liquid!

I don't think you're an alkie. But I don't think it's healthy at all. I've just turned 50 and I see round me the people my age who started off a few glasses every night and are now on to 2 bottles a night plus or even just 1 still. Bloated, fat or very skinny. Skin like shit. Depression issues. Drink causing problems in their relationships. Generally unhealthy. And unable to give up without a massive effort. Of course there'll be one going I've drunk 3 bottles of vodka a night and smoked a billion fags and I'm as fit as a flea- but they are the exception.
Find something else to take the edge off- a run or a swim or just cut down to drinking only at weekends.

Hello OP. Well done for posting - probably the first step, as subconsciously you've realised maybe it's not the best thing to be doing.

Secondly, to everyone who has posted 'I drink loads and I'm the healthiest person I know' - yep you might be on the outside, right now. But it DOES catch up with you. My auntie was the same as you OP, it gradually increased to a bottle and a half a night. Outwardly she was fine, fit as a fiddle. Then her liver failed. And everything started going wrong. She was only early 50s. Very ill now.
I'm not saying this is you at ALL, but she used to drink when my cousins were asleep, thinking it didn't affect them. She missed the signs of a serious illness in one of my cousins because although she didn't get 'drunk' obviously she was in a nice little wine bubble and just wasn't paying as much attention. She also injured herself a couple of times as her intake increased and she was - again not drunk - but just slightly unsteady.
The reason I post this is not to be horrible or spiteful or make you feel bad, but just to point out that this 'I drink loads and I'm in my 50s and fine' attitude of some posters shouldn't be taken as something to clutch onto to reassure you it might be ok to carry on. Sure they might stay healthy, but they also really might not.

My Dad is also a drinker. He could cut down at any time apparently and would miss a day here or there, and I believe there was a time a few years back when he COULD stop, but he can't now. And that's what you don't want to spiral into, even if you believe it's not a problem at the moment. He wasn't overweight, he wasn't unhealthy, he never got drunk - but he is unhealthy and overweight now because it's caught up with him. He seems to plan his life around where he can go to pubs, I'm not saying this is you right now, but that's the way it can spiral. Like anything, being unknowingly reliant on food, exercise even...

Trying to cut down a bit initially would probably be a good step, to see how you get on, as with any habit it's very difficult to just stop. Some previous posters have shared some excellent books and resources, I hope you take them up on the suggestions :)

Good luck!

Quite unusual to have a cup of tea at 5pm I would think

Eh? I assume you are not in the UK? Half the country will have the kettle on for a brew within 5 minutes of stepping through the door when they get home from work, and will offer visitors tea or coffee as standard at that time.

If I was offered alcohol on weekday at 5 pm with no special occasion, I would be thinking 'it's a bit early'.

Starting to drink at 5pm is a recipe for a loooooong night of it!

Op, you said you don't need it during the day or in the morning so can't have a problem with it. That's a common misconception about alcohol abuse. You don't need to be steaming fall down pissed to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. A huge number of 'normal' people who hold down decent jobs and enjoy a fairly good standard of living still seek help from alcohol support services. Functioning alcoholism is a very real problem in the UK. The fact you've posted is a good indication that you are worried about your intake.

Fwiw there's no judgement from me. I used to drink a similar amount in my 20s. But then I had children. I still enjoy the odd glass of wine but nowhere on the same level I used to. I remember finding hidden bottles of vodka when I was growing up - my dad is an otherwise functioning, 'normal', upstanding part of society. But I didn't want my children growing up thinking that the amount I drank was normal so nipped it in the bud. Alcoholism comes in many guises.

If you're concerned, and I think you probably are, how would you feel about initially putting some limits in place (one glass a night, or a couple of glasses every other night)? I don't think abstention is always necessary, but it does require putting really strict boundaries in place to cut right back. If you can't do that, then that's a problem for you I think.

I think if you're asking the question, you already know the answer.

It really irks me that society continually tells us that we need alcohol to have fun, relax, whatever. In particular this 'Mummy needs wine' culture that pretty much teaches us the only way to survive and enjoy motherhood is by putting what is effectively poison into our bodies. Some of these mummy bloggers with their 'wine o' clock' bollocks have a lot to answer for.

I'm not saying every mum should abstain from having a bit of wine when they feel like it, but when it starts to become the norm just to cope with life and motherhood, it's dangerous.

OP, I'm a wine drinker in a similar vein, sometimes worse than you but I can just stop. The key is keeping busy. I bought a bike a few weeks ago, mainly to try to help sciatica. I'm unfit but doing up to 8 miles an evening. In the last few weeks I've had regular spells of dryness lasting 2/3/4 nights. I know if I have a bottle of wine I'll feel sluggish the next evening and won't ride. Last night I rode to a town with a lovely pub, had a glass of wine then rode home (off-road before anyone lectures me on drinking and riding). Normally one glass would make me want another but I was so tired in a good way I made a cup of tea instead. Far easier to keep busy in the summer so start now. Appreciate not always easy with little kids. Good luck cutting back if you want to x

I really don't know what the armchair physicians who can diagnose alcoholism over the internet and even worse puritanical arseaches who seem to enjoy a pile on get out of the finger wagging they've given the op.

Please read “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober”.

I used to drink exactly as you are doing, I thought as you did, that because I kept my drinking to a narrow window I wasn’t dependent.

312 days ago, I read the book above and I haven’t touched a drop since. It is the best decision I’ve made in my adult life. My health and mood have improved.

I have an app to tell me how I’m doing. After 12 months I’ve saved over £2,000 and avoided consuming over 188,000 calories. That’s just from losing the bottle of Pinot Grigio every night!

There are other ways to find relaxation, that don’t put your health at risk. There’s so much to gain from sobriety, give it a go you won’t regret it.

I had been drinking similar amounts to you for years, sometimes more, sometimes less, with the occasional blow out where I would get totally wasted, probably since my early 20s. Just before Christmas I had a wake-up call and I’m now 4.5 months sober. It was very hard to break the habit, even though like you I would always have said “I’m not reliant/an alcoholic”, but that’s just what we choose to believe and because we see others doing the same so it can’t be that bad, right?

I’m not saying stop drinking altogether (though I actually find this easier than moderating), but I would strongly recommend you read books like Alcohol Explained and This Naked Mind, which go into the physiological and psychological effects of alcohol and debunk some of the myths associated with drinking (like it helps you to unwind...).

It’s not about being all holier than though, but at some point in your life you have to face up to reality and accept the consequences of your actions, and the fact is that this level of drinking IS dangerous to your health.