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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To drink almost a bottle of wine everynight

397 replies

Mum21beauty · 30/04/2019 21:30

I am not reliant on it . I just enjoy it every night though ...

OP posts:
Entschuldigung · 02/05/2019 07:03

I used to be the same. I looked forward to opening a bottle of wine in the evening, loved the taste and numbing effect. The only thing that bothered me about it was that I knew it was more than the guidelines and I worried about my children seeing me drink every day. I'd start a bottle of wine feeling fine and near the end of it feeling worried. I slept fitfully and often woke feeling off and not knowing whether it was illness or a hangover.

One NYE I decided I'd do dry January. I didn't tell anyone in case I couldn't do it and decided to take it one day at a time. I thought I'd find it really hard and the first week was difficult because I was so used to the habit of opening a bottle of wine every evening. I distracted myself at that time of the day and by the end of the month I'd got used to not drinking. I slept better, felt better, my skin looked great (got comments about it!) and I lost half a stone even though I wasn't overweight. I decided to stay dry.

It's now been 3 or 4 years, I can't even remember how many years! My children can't remember me ever drinking. They're teenagers now and I'm glad they don't think daily drinking is normal.

It's been so much easier than I ever thought it would be. I don't crave drinking but would love a drink now and then. I've decided not to drink at all because knowing it's been a decent stretch of time is important to me, if I had one drink that would be broken and I know I'd feel back to square one. Unfortunately I don't think I can moderate drinking, I'd tried that many times and it always felt such an effort and it always crept up to where I'd been before.

I hope your GP appointment is helpful.

Lolipop44 · 02/05/2019 07:18

OP i know exactly where you are and how you feel. Everytime someone commented about my drinking I'd laugh at them because i never thought i had a problem but deep down i kind of knew although still in denial. I did some research about functioning alcoholics i ticked every box. It's scary and hard to admit it's a problem and it's hard changing the habit but if i can do it anyone can!!
I still drink but instead of looking forward to my nightly drink i look forward to friday & Saturday and I've also changed my drink so i don't fall back into the habit of wanting that same drink. I feel so much better mentally physically and enjoy life alot more waking up without feeling groggy and anxious (which i always thought the anxiety was down to my job) is bliss.

You can do this OP Flowers

lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 09:02

I was a functioning alcoholic for 15 years. Sometimes, those of us who come from alcoholic families have an amazing constitution for the stuff and can function long after most people - but make no mistake, you are still damaging yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and affecting your loved ones.

I even had people close to me still thinking I didn't have a problem long after even I had realised I was in trouble. They said I was chatting to them fine and holding conversations perfectly in their eyes (only I knew the next morning I blacked-out about 2 or 3 hours of that evening!).

When I expressed my concern to my father and how I was getting crushing depressions the next day which I had never had before, he warned me that that was how my uncle's functioning alcoholism took a turn for the worse. He never overcame his problem, despite several rehabs, seizures, the whole nine yards. He was such a clever, kind, intelligent man, but this was his Achilles' heel.

People see alcoholics in the gutter and think it'll never happen to them. How do you think those poor souls started? No-one sets out to be an alcoholic, it's a continuum and sometimes you can be in quite deep before you realise where you are.

Like I said in a previous post, if there are underlying issues causing you to drink, these can be addressed. Please don't think you have to suffer stress without release - there are healthy stress-relieving techniques.

I am afraid this post may sound too preachy and was tempted to delete it, but I think I'll leave it to stand. I really do wish you the best, OP - you truly have done the right thing. Flowers

lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 09:05

"Former British advertising journalist Brian Davis is homeless and penniless. He graduated from Cambridge University with a degree in English at the age of 21. A published author he now lives on the streets in London, an alcoholic and suffering from mental illness. But, he says, he's determined to turn his life around."

A heartbreaking tale, showing that anyone from any walk of life can be at risk from alcoholism.

longwayoff · 02/05/2019 11:26

I don't drink, so dont know about units, but in many European countries this might be slightly excessive but no t something that will make you die soon of alcohol poisoning or similar. How can standards be so d iff e rent?

ForksintheRoad · 02/05/2019 12:05

Good luck OP. I currently drink more than you and this thread has been more motivating than almost anything I've read on the subject.

I'm planning on starting my 'journey' tonight, not drinking and reading The Naked Mind, which a concerned friend bought me over six weeks ago and I haven't even opened yet.

Thanks to all the others on here wanting to cut back!

Annasgirl · 02/05/2019 12:14

@Mum21beauty

well done on the first steps. Many people after me mentioned the good books and as noted there are loads of supportive boards on here and on facebook.

Keep us posted.

KitschBitch · 02/05/2019 12:30

How are you, OP? Your thread inspired me and I managed to have an alcohol free day yesterday, will do it again today. One day at a time

Mum21beauty · 02/05/2019 12:42

Hey everyone and thank you again, I had a lengthy conversation with my doctor and told her everything basically and how my anxiety can take over, and the wine removes the anxiety for a short time. She offered really great advice, and said that CBT therapy would really help the anxiety and to try and cut down slowly with the alcohol, I feel like my mindset is changing positively. I had no wine last night !!

My main aim is to reduce the alcohol from Mon-Thurs and enjoy a drink over the weekend but not to over indulge, and to also tackle my other issues xx

OP posts:
MrsFoxPlus4 · 02/05/2019 12:48

Mum21beauty well done ❤️

NannyRed · 02/05/2019 13:02

You’re not reliant on it yet.... you will soon be, you won’t even realise.

I’m glad you can afford what must be the best part of £400 a month on booze, that could go a long way in topping your pension, paying off your mortgage or getting you on the property ladder.
You must be packing on weight, you probably wake up in the dead if night for a few hours every night, your skin will soon start to suffer (if it hasn’t already).

Take control now, or resent not doing so in a few years. Remember, f you drink because you enjoy it, once you’re diagnosed as alcohol dependent you can never enjoy another glass of wine, another champagne toast at a wedding or another cocktail.

It’s your choice, but why come onto mumsnet to tell us you drink a bottle every night f you’re nit worried?

(I no longer work in health care, but I’ve spent 20+ years working for the nhs in almost exactly this field)

userxx · 02/05/2019 13:08

@Mum21beauty Anxiety and wine do not mix, believe me. You think the wine is taking the edge off it, but infact you are feeding the anxiety. There are much better ways to deal with it as you are finding out. Well done.

ApricotExpat · 02/05/2019 13:14

My parents are in their mid eighties and still drink the best part of a bottle of wine a night each. They claim not to be alcoholic because they always do dry january and have two nights off a week. But that means for 240 out to 365 days a year they're drinking. And, when there's company it's considerable more.

I used to drink the same but cut down and now don't drink at all. I'd quite like to, but I know that one drink would lead to three or four, which is fine, but I feel so much better without it. I wish I could just have the one glass of champagne feeling though! However, having seen my parents at the two bottles down stage quite regularly, that isn't a person I want to be.

I don't think you're necessarily alcoholic, my parents generation all drink like that. But, it depends on how you feel with it. I'm two years down now and don't miss it - I actually get a bit peeved about the money my husband spends on booze now!

Just moderate it a bit and then you're fine... if you can do moderation then all is well!

Mum21beauty · 02/05/2019 13:18

Have you read ANY of my replies?! please write unnecessary comments without reading through first, thank you :)

OP posts:
Mum21beauty · 02/05/2019 13:20

please don't write**

OP posts:
lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 13:49

Great update, OP! Glad you mentioned your anxiety and how that will be addressed. I used alcohol for anxiety and social shyness for many years.

Maraki12 · 02/05/2019 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

loveonthewall · 02/05/2019 14:02

So pleased for you OP. I had CBT to help post divorce and found it invaluable so hopefully you will too. Be proud of yourself x

Coyoacan · 02/05/2019 14:03

Well done, OP.

Metalhead · 02/05/2019 14:15

Good luck OP, it sounds like you’re on the right path.

candycane222 · 02/05/2019 14:26

Great OP, congratulations for that major act of kindness and care towards yourself and everyone who loves you. And hooray for your GP's advice. Very best wishes.

Aberforthsgoat · 02/05/2019 14:39

Great outcome, so glad you posted OP. Good luck!

ScatteredMama82 · 02/05/2019 14:54

@Mum21beauty that really is a lot hon. Regardless of whether you are reliant on it or not, that is not good for you. You are using your stress as an excuse. Please try to cut down. I get stressed too, my DH is away (military), I work and have 2 young children. I enjoy a wine too but I don't knock back a bottle every night. I actually think I drink too much, and I have 20-25 units a week. You're pushing 70 a week.

alifelessordinary · 02/05/2019 14:55

My df drank a bottle of wine every night for as long as I can remember...over 30 years.

Never ever have I seen him drunk or even tipsy. But word of warning op, he is now 67 and has been diagnosed with alcohol related dementia. He has gone from a clever man with a top position in IT, to now not being able to hold a proper conversation as nothing makes sense, no short term memory and only getting worse.

It is extremely sad and after seeing what damage has been done to his brain, I'm now teetotal!

ScatteredMama82 · 02/05/2019 14:55

@Mum21beauty that is a great start, well done! x