Breastfeeding: Only Middle Class Now?

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Was debating this with my DP - he is of the belief that breastfeeding is a mainly a middle class thing. I'm not sure if I agree, wanted other opinions.

We live in a very MC/posh area of London and I'd say 90% of mums at my Baby classes BF. This is his evidence.

We both grew up in working class environments - him in a council estate in London where no-one breastfed and me in a Northern town where is was normal to BF.

So.... thoughts?

popehilarious that question makes a lot of sense when you consider that a lot of the education is about positioning the baby etc. What did she say when you asked her?

Pope I used to get that. It would pass after about 20 seconds but it's really odd and unpleasant.

I haven’t rtft but I think a lot of it is probably the support in your area. I desperately wanted to breastfeed and in hospital the midwife just gave me formula, I didn’t have the energy or confidence to persevere and trust my milk would come in. I thought my baby would be hungry. In hindsight it’s a massive regret and it makes me really sad that I didn’t try harder, even though my baby is absolutely healthy.

My friends in other areas had amazing support and breastfed, in my circle formula feeding is definitely in the minority, I just fell under an area with no help.

I suspect misinformation on cluster feeding could well be a massive factor in people giving up because they think baby isn't getting enough milk.

The problem here is getting women to try it Vs supporting them when they are trying it. There is a reason they aren't brutally honest about things like cluster feeding - because it would put some people off. But, as you say, not telling people also causes breastfeeding to fail.

I have to say the reality of breastfeeding was a huge shock to me and I was tremendously lucky with it - no pain, milk came in very early, DS gained weight beautifully. I knew about cluster feeding etc but I was totally unprepared for how profoundly unequal it made DH and I and how almost completely it would make newborn care fall on me (we were lucky enough that DH was at home for the first 8 weeks and I had really thought that we would be almost equal in what we did). I'm not saying it wasn't worth it, but it was a huge shock.

1st I EBF for 6 months - I was 22
2nd still breastfeeding he's 9 months. - I'm 26 just returned to work and pump. I've been given an office I can use too.

I'm not sure, I'm middle class and everyone I know breastfeeds. Most people and their partners were bottle fed themselves in the 1970s. But they know about cluster feeding and getting established. I'm always puzzled about the low breastfeeding rate statistics as that doesn't reflect my experience.

N.b. I guess I know lots of teacher / dr / social workery types!!!!

There is a reason they aren't brutally honest about things like cluster feeding - because it would put some people off.

That's so unfair.

Who is it unfair to? I say that without judgement. I actually think being put off is a rational response in many ways!

To women who may want to breastfeed. It's fair to have the full picture before going into it. If that would make less women breastfeed, so be it. Honesty should come above an agenda.

Oh, I see. Sorry, I wasn't advocating not telling the full truth, I was saying why I think they do it. Reading my post back I can see it does sound a bit like I approve of not telling women - I don't.

I agree with Teen I think it's doing more harm than good putting an agenda before being honest with women about what BF is really like

They do the same with birth, they're not honest about the chances of complications because the fear is women will ask for a cesarean. It's paternalistic and patronising.

I also think there are ways of telling the truth that are more or less helpful. I actually think my NHS breastfeeding class was very good, and she basically went down a 'most people will find it at least a bit hard but here is how to know if it's too hard and you need more support' route. There was none of the 'it's natural so it will be very easy' that I've heard people complain about from NCT classes, and I was glad of that. As I said, though, despite having good information (and lots of breastfeeding in my family so lots of advice from direct experience) I still found it a huge shock. But then, that was true of a lot of having a newborn, and while I was tremendously grateful for DS and loved him enormously it wasn't a stage I was well suited to - luckily it has already turned out that there are other stages that I prefer!

I fortunately didn't need them but I know so many people who have birth injuries from forceps when it isn't even mentioned beforehand that this may be possible.

One thing I definitely was not prepared for was that when they say 'two or three hours between feeds' or whatever, they mean from start of one feed to start of another, not end to start, and that DS would feed for up to an hour. I had imagined feeding every two hours for 15 minutes and then being able to go do what I wanted in between (again, DH at home), which was not the reality!

Honesty is what's needed about all of it. Not scaremongering or sugarcoating. Good factual information.

Names your posts are brilliant, well written and very informative

I agree with this!

I read the “sweet sleep”book by La Leche league when DS was 3 days old and there is a paragraph in there that has stayed with me, about how in this country ff is always used as the “base level” rather than bf, and how that actually is the wrong way round and confuses and stops people from BF as they panic due to BF happening more often and weight gain often being slower etc etc, as you are saying names

But I also think that the unrealistic expectation of BF ties in strongly with the unrealistic expectation of babies sleeping through the night! We have the weirdest obsession with it in this country and it’s bonkers. I remember coming home from hospital and genuinely expecting DS to have a feed and sleep 3 hours in his Moses basket when we went to bed. It’s just insane and creates so much stress and worry and a feeling of failure. Whereas once i just had him next to me in bed the whole waking up to BF round the clock and all that stuff became much simpler and easier and I learnt to just stop trying to do what I thought best and listen to the baby, and I learnt that mostly because of the on demand nature of BF.

crispy I don't think it's a weird obsession, I think people are just keen to get a good nights sleep. Whether it's realistic or not is another question.

jessie she did clarify that she meant formula feeding. I have a friend who pretty much exclusively breast fed for quite a while by pumping and bottle feeding the expressed milk (as bf was destroying her nipples) so helpful to know!

I'm practically the mumsnet definition of chav (council house, tattoos, staffy, false nails etc etc) I expressed every three hours days and night for 3 month while DS was in neonatal and breastfed a further 6. I was under 25. I only stopped as I desperately needed back on my MH meds.

I'm a lot bit common but alas not too stupid to see why a 28 weeker would benefit breast milk.

My single biggest source of maternal guilt is that cosleeping doesn't work for me AT ALL. Every time I read other women talking about how amazing and natural and easy it is I feel awful and like there is something terribly wrong with me. Being told that cosleeping would solve all my problems in life was the least helpful advice I got, and I got it over and over again.

Teentitans

Wanting sleep makes complete sense to me. But it’s wildly unrealistic to expect it with the set up we have in this country as standard with a baby - eg them in their own bed.

It is an obsession though! The first thing anyone ever bloody asks is “are they sleeping through the night?” - no, no they aren’t, but that’s ok because that’s normal for a baby! Now stop asking because I am tired

LisaSimpsonsbff

No need to feel guilty though!!! If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work 🤷🏻‍♀️ Nothing you can do about that!