AIBU to ask how long your smear test takes? They don't take 1 or 2 minutes do they?

[mememe2019]

My friend is a gynecologist and claims smears take 2 minutes and I
tell her its not true. To be clear I go for my smears every time I am called but I find the procedure very very very uncomfortable and it takes at least 10 minutes from the point I am up on the bed to putting my shoes back on to leave.
I think I am left with internal bruising in the general area afterwards. I have tried going to Drs, Nurses, Sexual health clinics for the smears in the hope of finding someone who can find my cervix without practically rupturing my insides. I have given birth to two 10lb babies and I have a mirena coil (which I love) so I am able to tolerate pain and willing to have procedures.

The last time I went I told the doctor in the sexual health clinic (she is a highly recommended expert I was referred to by my gynaecologist friend). I told her I have trouble each time so she said it will only take a minute and she would try a long thin speculum. I have heard all this before. She put it in and it hurt, poked around for quite a while and said she couldn't find my cervix and would have to try a larger one. She tried that still couldn't find it. She removed that and I thought she was going to tell me to come back another day (at this stage I just really wanted it over and done with) but instead she said she would try and find my cervix with her fingers which she was able to do quite easily. her exact words were "there it is, it's winking at me". She then reinserted the speculum and twisted it into place - as all the rest before her have done. It felt like a corkscrew then I can feel the brush working around etc and then it was over and I went home and dreaded going for a pee for a few hours afterwards.

I will go back in 3 years but I just wish there was more honesty about the whole thing.

First time I had it done I was in there about half an hour, with two nurses and a dr as they couldn't find my cervix. Had loads of bleeding and cramping after too, but that was before they used the thing that looks like a mini loo brush.
Last couple of times it's taken 2 minutes, and they've done the loo brush thingy, and only a tiny bit of spotting.
They think having a baby has made my cervix move to the correct place.

@Motheroffeminists and everyone else. Thank you so much. I will persevere and I will ball up my fists. One more thing if you don't mind? I have mirena coil (which is the most amazing thing ever and I would walk through fire to keep it) and I don't get any periods so I ahe long since lost track of ovulation dates etc. Any advice on that?

I thought I was a bad case as Dr/Nurse/Friend always seem to be very sceptical when i tell them I need a double appointment. I know I need to relax about it and I think this thread has helped. Thank you all so much

One thing I realise I made myself 10 tears younger than I am somewhere here (actually I was thinking 60 don't know why for menopause) so only 10ish years to go but it sounds like it will just get worse.

@mememe2019 the Mirena often stops ovulation as it has the same hormone as the mini pill. Periods often stop too due to the hormones so tracking ovulation would be very difficult. I'm amazed you tolerated a mirena if you find a smear horrendous. My mirena was inserted with local anaesthetic by my gynaecologist when they were the new wonder treatment for endometriosis. It was awful and was left in so much pain I had it removed 3 hours later assisting GPs on insertion makes me feel faint because of the dilating of the os and the blood. I'm very squeamish which is why I like practice nursing as bodily fluids are contained or few and far between 😂

@motheroffeminists I don't think I said smears are horrendous they are miserable and very unpleasant. Don't get me wrong i hate ithem. My main gripe is being told it will take a minute when I know it won't. It hurts and the speculum feels like a corkscrew.

My mirena fitting was fine but the process of finding my cervix was grim and took ages. Lots of changing speculums and lots of extra lube etc. The actual fitting once my cervix shoed up was one second of very very stingy pain. Like a bee sting. A bit of period like cramping afterwards. I had it fitted by a gynecologist. Her nurse told me to take solpadeine max afterwards but they make me a bit dizzy. I took 2 paracetamol and went to my son'e parents evening a few hours later and was sore in the way I am after a smear no worse. I wouldn't be without it.

Returning to this thread very late as I had my smear today. A nurse I hadn't seen before but I lay down in the normal way and she couldn't find my cervix at all. So she took the speculum and got me to turn totally on my side with my top leg in the air! I felt ridiculous but no pain at all!

It doesn't take long as my cervix pops into view very easily apparently- I'm not sure if it winks, though!

That's rubbish, OP.

Pre-MN days I always thought that smears were standard for everyone. It's not the case at all, I remember reading a few years ago how utterly painful someone found it but learned that laying on her side helped. Loads of people said the same.
It's probably already been mentioned on here.

For me it takes about 30 seconds.

But more recently it would probably take about 10 given that my cervix is now basically at the entrance of my chuff thanks to having three massive babies that fly out at the rate of knots. 😭

Mine are like yours op. Incredibly painful, inverted cervix. I hate having them done more than any other medical issue. 2 x cs's were a doddle compared to my smears. People think I'm exaggerating and are offensively dismissive.

This thread proves what a spectrum there is!!

2 x cs's were a doddle compared to my smears.

Wow that's really saying something

My last one the actual smear part of it took seconds, I’d be surprised if it was even 30 seconds. Obviously getting undressed and getting into position added a bit of time though. I have had a couple where the cervix was harder to find but thankfully nothing like as difficult as some of you have experienced

Mine took 2 minutes to get her colleague because I have a tilted cervix so needed a more experienced person. Overall it took a good 15 minutes

Changing practitioners might be doing you more harm than good?

If your cervix is tricky to find, you could ask them to add notes of how they found it manually to your file and when you go back you can ask that they repeat that process (and skip the multiple attempts with different tools etc)

I have issues whenever i'm getting anything done down there, IUD change, smears etc. It's not painful, but on occasion I've passed out, i think due to the panic.
I found a doctor at my family planning clinic who was gentle, but quick and didn't mess around, she's the only one I've been to since.

I've had quite a few. When I first had it was at uni. Took about two mins

AndOutCome and I genuinely mean it. I've had 2 x cs's, 2 wisdom teeth out, steroid injections, into back, shoulder, wrist, all sorts. None of them as painful as my smears. I've never had a medical procedure as painful as my smears.

In the Drs room - 4 minutes ish

Actual procedure on the bed - about 2 minutes

I’d say 2 minutes is a good average of all my smear tests. I’m 55 so had quite a few.

Less than 2 mins.

Mine involves going for someone more experienced (I ask for someone experienced to start with but haven't found the right person to book in with yet...!) And it needs the tilted hips, fists under bum trick. Always at least 5 minutes sometimes more. I refuse to get of the bed until it's done though, no way I'm going through it more than once!

@Oblomov19

Me too, if I had the choice tomorrow if a c-section or a smear test I would go for the cs. I find them (smears) excruciatingly painful.