AIBU to ask how long your smear test takes? They don't take 1 or 2 minutes do they?

[mememe2019]

My friend is a gynecologist and claims smears take 2 minutes and I
tell her its not true. To be clear I go for my smears every time I am called but I find the procedure very very very uncomfortable and it takes at least 10 minutes from the point I am up on the bed to putting my shoes back on to leave.
I think I am left with internal bruising in the general area afterwards. I have tried going to Drs, Nurses, Sexual health clinics for the smears in the hope of finding someone who can find my cervix without practically rupturing my insides. I have given birth to two 10lb babies and I have a mirena coil (which I love) so I am able to tolerate pain and willing to have procedures.

The last time I went I told the doctor in the sexual health clinic (she is a highly recommended expert I was referred to by my gynaecologist friend). I told her I have trouble each time so she said it will only take a minute and she would try a long thin speculum. I have heard all this before. She put it in and it hurt, poked around for quite a while and said she couldn't find my cervix and would have to try a larger one. She tried that still couldn't find it. She removed that and I thought she was going to tell me to come back another day (at this stage I just really wanted it over and done with) but instead she said she would try and find my cervix with her fingers which she was able to do quite easily. her exact words were "there it is, it's winking at me". She then reinserted the speculum and twisted it into place - as all the rest before her have done. It felt like a corkscrew then I can feel the brush working around etc and then it was over and I went home and dreaded going for a pee for a few hours afterwards.

I will go back in 3 years but I just wish there was more honesty about the whole thing.

@mememe2019

Bless you sweetie. What a conundrum! You are tense and that is one of the reasons it's a PITA, but BECAUSE it's a PITA, you are tense. Grrr!

Have you thought about having some Kalms or something similar?

And yeah, I bet it's no picnic after menopause!!!

Mine are complex and take a while. The nurse won't do them anymore and I have to book a double appointment with the GP. So way more than two minutes and very painful. I'm sadly aware it's not the norm though!

I have a tilted cervix too and it’s painful; usually takes 5 mins just to get the speculum in.

I have a deep retroverted "shy" cervix so definitely more than 2 minutes here too. And lots of rootling around with shouts of "WE'RE GOING TO NEED A LONGER SPECULUM, MILDRED. BRING IN BIG BERTHA"

And it's always uncomfortable.

But not as uncomfortable as my mother when when she died last year of cervical cancer so I don't mind.

But yes being told you don't know yourself is irritating.

I do wonder if there is a good reason when you can buy things like this for so little that the medical devices people haven't invented something like this with a retractable brush on the end to gather cells.

Every time I'm at the doctors it's picked up that I'm overdue and I just say I've given up because it can't be done,

Please don't give up.

In my area if somebody can't have their smear taken in GP, they would be offered a routine referral to colposcopy clinic (the clinic where people with abnormal smears get urgently referred). They have a bed with stirrups where you can get into a much better position, and they are experts at examining the cervix. I would book a GP appointment to discuss this.

Up to five minutes from start to finish.

Normally the whole appointment takes no more than 10 mins, with 2/3 mins on the the bed knees akimbo so to speak (I think it just feels much longer).

I have a tilted cervix and lie on my balled up fists in the small of my back, it is a little uncomfortable, but not painful. More of a feeling of uncomfortable pressure than anything else, I try to relax and visualize laying on a tropical beach and that makes it more comfortable.

This time the nurse discovered some abnormalities and I had to have a GP's examination & a referral. I was in about 30 minutes and had 3 internal examinations.

Since I realised I need to tell them from the start to use the long speculum, it doesn't take longer than a minute, I'd say. Feels pinchy, but not awful.

Oddly I'm quite matter-of-fact about these things despite rapes and CSA. I think I shut down all the upset and emotional stuff for the duration, and might then feel quite vulnerable and tearful afterwards by myself.

I'm with you OP. Usually takes about 30 mins. I usually tell them they need to use a longer speculum, but it makes no difference. The nurse will try for what seems forever, then go and get a doctor, who will also try. Then the Dr will get the longer speculum, and it is always very, very painful. I absolutely hate it.

I have a shy cervix that is also retroverted. Smears have been uncomfortable but I’ve always been to have them done. 5 mins at the most for the actual procedure. I’m currently going through ivf and feel that all and sundry have been up there now so feel more like a pro 😂 I tell them before that it’s ‘shy’ and roughly at the 3 o clock position. Means less time rooting looking for it

Thank you for all the replies. I am sorry/delighted in a weird way that its not just me. I hate it and its uncomfortable and Drs and nurses treating you like you are making it up is so annoying.

@goldenchicken I have't ever though of taking anything for my smear. Maybe a double G&T before I go in would help

@kewcumber sounds like my experience too. My own GP when I first moved here told me flat out that she doesn't do smears and she is no good at them and to go to a specialist. I would love to know how bad an "amateur" would be.

@whatelsecouldibecalled but can your cervix wink? Mine does apparently.

Mememe it used to take 10+ minutes and twice a wait while someone else called in so when my elusive cervix were found I asked where they were hiding so now I say "bottom left" before we start and I'm into the less than two minutes bracket. So it might be worth asking where yours is hiding.

Mine takes about 10 minutes but I have a back tilting womb so they always have to have a bit of a rummage down there finding my cervix.
But its 19 minutes every 4 years so that's fine

10 not 19 obviously!

Oh op I really feel for you. I've just had my letter calling me in and I'm dreading it!

I'm another one who has been told to put fists under my bottom to help, but often it's excruciating.

Weirdly, pre children it never hurt or bothered me at all. Just a minute of mild discomfort. But after my first c-section I went for one and it was utter agony. I wonder if my sections have just moved things around a bit in there, because my last one was just as bad.

A home testing option would be so amazing! I bet it would already be in place if men had to have them!

Yeo, no more than 2 mins for me.

Depends on who is doing it at my surgery. One nurse is very fast and very gentle. The other is slower and it feels like she's using a loo brush up there!!! But both of them get it done in under 5 minutes, excluding the getting undressed and getting clothed part.

I asked in my post above if the UK pap swear tested just for Human papillomavirus (HPV). I looked it up and yes it is. It appears to be about herd health (for the greater good) and not so-much about individual health.

From the NHS site; Cervical screening checks the health of your cervix. It's not a test for cancer, it's a test to help prevent cancer

The HPV is spread through sexual contact and it's cheaper to prevent than to treat.

Below explains the American gynecologist conducted pap smear/pelvic exam.

www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pelvic-exam/about/pac-20385135

From when I lay on the bed to getting back off again, about 3 minutes

@Ameriann its a screening programme. I work in medical research so I know about the stats and the purposes etc.
Quite a few people in the UK don't attend:
Lots because is embarassing,
some like this www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-im-saying-no-to-a-smear-7577967.html because it is a screening programme

It seems lots of us on here go along time and again for "the greater good" but hate been treated like children whose experiences are ignored.

5 minutes including dressing and undressing and chatting to the nurse! My cervix is very far back so bit tricky. Having my coil in was worse but after having a baby even that was fine!

I really struggle with smears, to the point where I have to lay down for a good 5-10 mins afterward to stop myself physically passing out. The thought that anyone can have it done and feel nothing is bizarre to me. You're not alone!