AIBU to ask how long your smear test takes? They don't take 1 or 2 minutes do they?

[mememe2019]

My friend is a gynecologist and claims smears take 2 minutes and I
tell her its not true. To be clear I go for my smears every time I am called but I find the procedure very very very uncomfortable and it takes at least 10 minutes from the point I am up on the bed to putting my shoes back on to leave.
I think I am left with internal bruising in the general area afterwards. I have tried going to Drs, Nurses, Sexual health clinics for the smears in the hope of finding someone who can find my cervix without practically rupturing my insides. I have given birth to two 10lb babies and I have a mirena coil (which I love) so I am able to tolerate pain and willing to have procedures.

The last time I went I told the doctor in the sexual health clinic (she is a highly recommended expert I was referred to by my gynaecologist friend). I told her I have trouble each time so she said it will only take a minute and she would try a long thin speculum. I have heard all this before. She put it in and it hurt, poked around for quite a while and said she couldn't find my cervix and would have to try a larger one. She tried that still couldn't find it. She removed that and I thought she was going to tell me to come back another day (at this stage I just really wanted it over and done with) but instead she said she would try and find my cervix with her fingers which she was able to do quite easily. her exact words were "there it is, it's winking at me". She then reinserted the speculum and twisted it into place - as all the rest before her have done. It felt like a corkscrew then I can feel the brush working around etc and then it was over and I went home and dreaded going for a pee for a few hours afterwards.

I will go back in 3 years but I just wish there was more honesty about the whole thing.

I am actually crying, I thought I was the only one, always made to feel like I'm being difficult and then I get the letter saying not enough cells make another appointment, have never, ever had a successful one and have given up going for them. Every time I'm at the doctors it's picked up that I'm overdue and I just say I've given up because it can't be done, they just shrug. Can't believe how emotional this has made me feel that there are others. What is the age you don't get called for them anymore? BTW have had two DC so assume I do have a cervix!

My Mum had to have her last couple of smears under anaesthetic as hers had basically shrivelled up and inverted so they couldn't collect enough cells.
She had c-sections and apparently post menopause if you've not given birth vaginally it can practically disappear. So I may have that joy to come! I remember having to pick her up from the hospital for them - I had just passed by driving test the first time.
The second time they operated to remove some fibroids at the same time.
I was overjoyed to hear at my recent pg scans that there are no signs of any in me yet!

Yes, mememe2019, I have the same issue, but read this today: www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-48092561 and hopefully that will make it easier!

Well done you for going
I have only had one because of my age and it did take about 30 seconds but we're all different and they should be taking you seriously

Umm 5 minutes tops.

Could be 2 to 3.

I think your cervix is lower after ovulation so that might be a good time to go. Certainly just after your period it's tucked right up.

I think it depends on your cervix. I have a retroverted cervix and it can take some of them ages to 'find' it. Some practitioners are better than others - I've had everything from 5 to 15 minutes.

I once had an internal ultrasound that went on for 45 minutes. I think every bloody student doctor in the hospital had a look up there!

OP I am with you, my last one took over 20 minutes.

I had contorted into every position possible and was bruised and bleeding by the end. The nurse wanted to give up but I urged her to have another go as there was no way I wanted to go back and have to do it all again.

I bloody hate them and my ridiculously hard to find cervix. I still go but i really dread it.

It’s maybe ten minutes from walking in to walking out, but the actual speculum scrapey bit has only ever been a couple of minutes for me.

I'm in the United States and I'm very surprised that nurses do the Pap smears in the U.K.

Are they just looking for Human papillomavirus (HPV)? Is it just about herd health?

Here a gynecologist does all the pap smears and you get a full pelvic exam as well at the same time, including ovaries, uterus palpated, all that, to check for any reproductive health problems etc.

GPs and nurses don't do this ^ here.

Oh including getting ready, taking shoes off,pants down etc, then maybe 6-9 minutes.

I'm sorry it's unpleasant for you @mememe2019 So you are a bit tense?

Could it be because you hate it/dread it etc???

I actually don't mind it too much, so it's pretty much always OK. Had one once where the nurse shoved it in a bit roughly, and widened the (metal) clamp too much. (OUCH!) But they don't even use the metal ones now. (Not at my surgery anyway!)

Apart from that one, they have always been OK.

Probably 2-5 minutes if I'm being realistic

Last time it took me longer to get my jeans off. My cervix likes to hide, the nurse always says to cough and out she pops. Show off.

OP you have described my experience exactly. I start by saying my cervix is tucked away so they know what to expect, kind of. The nurse is always very apologetic but it's not exactly nice. I think it got worse as I got older or maybe the procedure changed and they have to be more thorough??

Op I used to find it sore, last time I told the fab nurse. She suggested stacking my fists one on top of the other, and putting them under the small of my back, which lifted everything and assuming tilted my cervix into the right place (it's angled a bit odd). Worked and wasn't as sore or prolonged as normal. She said it works for lots of people. Well done for perseverance though you have my sympathy!

@daisystarburst I didn't want to read and run. Just getting home from work and I never expected so many replies. I actually posted a version of this somewhere else just after my last one. I got no replies to that so as I am already bracing myself for my next one I dug it up to see "who is right"

I so sorry you have had an awful experience and I know I get emotional about it too. When you see "stunts" like people having smears live on tv I just want to scream. I don't want to put people off but I feel honesty is better

@goldenchicken yes i hate it and dread it but they have always been crap even when I had nothing to compare them too. But I have now has a few and I have given birth so I know what pain is

About 20 years left until menopause and it sounds like they are going to get worse. Yay.

A minute and I don’t think it should be so uncomfortable either, especially not when you have had two children. Is sex also uncomfortable? Could be a medical issue.

@morethanjustanumber that's what prompted me to post this. I actually work in medical research and one of my colleagues is working on nanobots to do diy/home smear test kits. I have offered to be a guineapig. Imagine it at least all happening in some sort of privacy

@outvoid no other problems, I do realise I get very tense but mainly I think because I am being ignored and that makes me very fed up.

The last two smear tests I've had have been rather uncomfortable and I've been told that it's because my uterus tilts backwards. From MN, I have also found out that the brush method is also more uncomfortable than the old scrape method, although I think I've always bled a bit and had a bit of cramping. It doesn't take long though - 10 mins max from entering room to leaving so including getting (un)dressed etc so it's obvious much more difficult for the OP.

I've also been reading the BBC article about a urine test. Please get on with it, researchers!

Maybe 5 mins or so, or maybe it just feels that long. I have a tilted uterus and smears are really painful and unpleasant for me. Last time I was advised to do the 'fists under small of back' thing too and it helped - the nurse wasn't managing to get anywhere till then. (This was also the first time I was informed I had a tilted uterus, and I'm in my 50s! - smears have always been this unpleasant for me, so I suspect I may have always had it.)

I've learnt to tell my inspectors to use a long speculum. Usually they listen and just crack on

Sounds like you have a cervix that tilts backwards and so can be tricky to see. I have this and so I always need to make fists with my hands and put them under my bottom. Without fail if I don't do this they are faffing about pushing on the speculum trying to position it so that they can see my cervix and that hurts. So I always politely say that I need will to make fists. And sure enough I do. Just had my third mirena coil fitted recently and have a smear test booked for next week.

Usually two or three minutes, but last time was awful because she refused to use the small speculum I usually have, claiming her longer one was better.

Was agony, and I will refuse that nurse next time! It was never painful before.