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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how long your smear test takes? They don't take 1 or 2 minutes do they?

169 replies

mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:11

My friend is a gynecologist and claims smears take 2 minutes and I
tell her its not true. To be clear I go for my smears every time I am called but I find the procedure very very very uncomfortable and it takes at least 10 minutes from the point I am up on the bed to putting my shoes back on to leave.
I think I am left with internal bruising in the general area afterwards. I have tried going to Drs, Nurses, Sexual health clinics for the smears in the hope of finding someone who can find my cervix without practically rupturing my insides. I have given birth to two 10lb babies and I have a mirena coil (which I love) so I am able to tolerate pain and willing to have procedures.

The last time I went I told the doctor in the sexual health clinic (she is a highly recommended expert I was referred to by my gynaecologist friend). I told her I have trouble each time so she said it will only take a minute and she would try a long thin speculum. I have heard all this before. She put it in and it hurt, poked around for quite a while and said she couldn't find my cervix and would have to try a larger one. She tried that still couldn't find it. She removed that and I thought she was going to tell me to come back another day (at this stage I just really wanted it over and done with) but instead she said she would try and find my cervix with her fingers which she was able to do quite easily. her exact words were "there it is, it's winking at me". She then reinserted the speculum and twisted it into place - as all the rest before her have done. It felt like a corkscrew then I can feel the brush working around etc and then it was over and I went home and dreaded going for a pee for a few hours afterwards.

I will go back in 3 years but I just wish there was more honesty about the whole thing.

OP posts:
BillywigSting · 29/04/2019 18:26

I had mine a few weeks ago and it took probably ten minutes from being called in to walking out again, including the various questions they ask, dressing and undressing and booking the next one.

Actual time on the bed was less than two minutes

Ellie56 · 29/04/2019 18:29

this was my fear at the last one - that she would give up and I would have to come back.

@ mememe2019 That's what happened a few years ago. After two nurses had both tried unsuccessfully for quite some time, they gave up and made an appointment for the doctor to do it . When I went for the second appointment, the doctor had problems finding the cervix too!

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 29/04/2019 18:29

I'm getting diazepam to take before my next attempt at a smear - last time I found it difficult to relax enough, which, oddly enough, wasn't helped by the dr bellowing at me "you need to relax, I can't get in if you don't relax". I have arthritis in my hips and lower back, so even getting my knees wide enough apart is difficult and painful Sad. TBH getting on to the bed is hard enough, I'm a bit of a physical wreck these days Grin

Can't wait for a urine test, as per the BBC article.

Ellabella989 · 29/04/2019 18:31

All my previous ones have been very quick and pain free. The one I had a couple of weeks ago was more painful and took around 10 mins as i started bleeding and was tensing up loads. Had my results today and everything’s fine so I’ve no idea why it was sore and I bled. Maybe the nurse was being too rough

goldenchicken · 29/04/2019 18:50

@mememe2019

@goldenchicken I haven't ever though of taking anything for my smear. Maybe a double G&T before I go in would help. Grin

Hell, make it 3! Grin

MoreProseccoNow · 29/04/2019 19:10

In my 20's & 30's, my smears were fine. Over within 2 minutes, I was always praised for being relaxed & it was painless.

Now in my 40's, they are PAINFUL - not just uncomfortable. To put it in context, I have found gallstone pain & 2 x CS absolutely fine.

The last PN to do mine has noted I need a smaller speculum & I have to do the "fists under the bum" thing - it doesn't really help.

She told me that this is more common in women who have not had vaginal deliveries; I had 2 EMCS without labour so I guess there must be some truth in it.

I do get pissed off when people tell me that it should be painless or a little uncomfortable - maybe that's their experience- it's not mine!

Talkingfrog · 29/04/2019 19:18

I am with you op.

I have had a straightforward smear, and it took longer than that. They sometimes struggle to find my cervix and I had to go back for the one.
I have also had an endometrial scratch done twice and three embryo transfers so should be used to it by now.
I was told once that my cervix kept moving, which probably didn't help.

Fiveredbricks · 29/04/2019 19:21

From pants off to smear done I'd say less than 2 minutes to be honest. I've had 3. Why are yours taking longer?

YouBumder · 29/04/2019 19:26

Why are yours taking longer?

RTFT

Oysterbabe · 29/04/2019 19:39

In my authority they just test for HPV in the first instance then check the cells if it's positive. You can buy an HPV test kit on the Internet, you can do it with a urine sample. I'd consider doing that if my smears were difficult.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 29/04/2019 19:47

About ten minutes from walking into room. “Is everything alright? Any concerns? Pop your knickers off and get up on the bed?” Speculum in, a bit of a wriggle (I have a posterior cervix apparently), sweep of brush, speculum out, clean up, get dressed, get reminded that the doctors don’t recommend condom as contraception - nurse always says she HAS to say it but if I’m happy then not to worry, “see you next time”.

It’s not a pleasant experience, it is more than uncomfortable but overall it’s fine.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 29/04/2019 19:58

Mine were ok pre childbirth but now my cervix is hard to find like yours and they're painful and take ages. Last time there was blood, I assume from all the twisting of the speculum. Not a nice experience.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 20:18

@needausernamegenerator no blood for me just a pretty miserable experience and generally sore afterwards.As said at the start it is sore for a while afterwards like someone has used a corkscrew (one of he ones that are sort of barrel shaped and go down over the neck of the bottle) inside me. Feel a bit guilty now some people have it much worse. I just hate it and hate being told I am imagining it. TBF my friend hasn't said that but she just thinks I am unlucky and that I am going to incompetent people. She refuses to believe anyone doing it right could take 10 minutes. I think I will show her this thread.

How on earth are you supposed to lie down on balled up fists? Hmm It seems to work for other people so I will give it another try.

OP posts:
neverhadanymarblestolose · 29/04/2019 20:22

Around 1 minute and apparently I have a high, difficult to reach cervix.

neverhadanymarblestolose · 29/04/2019 20:23

And yes I have to lie on my fists too.

SomebodysNotInBedYet · 29/04/2019 20:32

I'm not sure on the timing, at least 5 minutes at a guess. But my last one was very painful, the nurse was scrubbing as if she was using a bottle brush and it came out covered in blood. I bled all day. I was pretty upset because I'd forgotten what the first one was like and had bought into the campaigns of 'mild discomfort' etc.

In contrast I had a coil inserted today and I barely felt a thing, and I was a lot more tense because I was expecting pain like the smear. I have no idea which way my cervix points or anything just that the smear was awful and I hope the next 3 years go very slowly.

Stevienickssleeves · 29/04/2019 20:34

My last took 30 minutes, multiple angles and positions tried, they couldn't see my cervix at all. She wasn't sure she had a decent sample even then. Afterwards cramps and bleeding. That has been my every experience at smears and vaginal examinations. Next time i feel like asking for a general anaesthetic!

There is a kit you can get online to do your own swab, but only for HPV not for abnormal cells, however if there was a way to do both myself i would 100% do that

Movinghouseatlast · 29/04/2019 20:35

I have the same experience as you.

I hate the haughty answers you are getting "30 seconds here OP, must be something wrong with you".

I now have valium and it is SO much better.

Baylis · 29/04/2019 20:37

I've had 2 smear tests so far. Both have taken less than a minute of time.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/04/2019 20:38

Probably about two mins for me and I'm in the nurses office for a max of 5 mins.

Baylis · 29/04/2019 20:39

Actually thinking about it I think my first smear test took a bit longer. More like 1 or 2 minutes? I suppose it depends on a few different factors I don't know.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 20:39

@movinghouseatlast where are people getting valium? asking for a friend Wink. To be honest I can tolerate it but I hate it. Hadn;t relaised it would get worse with age and menopause. Looking back I do realise it probably has gotten worse but I thought it was just my anxiety that made it feel worse. I realise the more tense I am the worse it will be but having people giving you instructions on how to relax while they dig around inside you isn't easy

OP posts:
ShabbyAbby · 29/04/2019 20:45

About 2 minutes. I really didn't get what the fuss was about, but then I had already had a baby before my first.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 20:45

@Stevienickssleeves that sounds horrendous I am very sorry. My experience to date has not been that bad.

OP posts:
Katinski · 29/04/2019 20:52

My best ever was done by an elderly doctor. She'd trained at the Womens Hospital in London where it was stressed that the procedure could be both painfree and dignified(!). Therefore the position you're in is on your side away from the doctor,knees up to your chest,covered with a blanket and,yes,it took perhaps a minute. Bloody brilliant, it was Star

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