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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how long your smear test takes? They don't take 1 or 2 minutes do they?

169 replies

mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:11

My friend is a gynecologist and claims smears take 2 minutes and I
tell her its not true. To be clear I go for my smears every time I am called but I find the procedure very very very uncomfortable and it takes at least 10 minutes from the point I am up on the bed to putting my shoes back on to leave.
I think I am left with internal bruising in the general area afterwards. I have tried going to Drs, Nurses, Sexual health clinics for the smears in the hope of finding someone who can find my cervix without practically rupturing my insides. I have given birth to two 10lb babies and I have a mirena coil (which I love) so I am able to tolerate pain and willing to have procedures.

The last time I went I told the doctor in the sexual health clinic (she is a highly recommended expert I was referred to by my gynaecologist friend). I told her I have trouble each time so she said it will only take a minute and she would try a long thin speculum. I have heard all this before. She put it in and it hurt, poked around for quite a while and said she couldn't find my cervix and would have to try a larger one. She tried that still couldn't find it. She removed that and I thought she was going to tell me to come back another day (at this stage I just really wanted it over and done with) but instead she said she would try and find my cervix with her fingers which she was able to do quite easily. her exact words were "there it is, it's winking at me". She then reinserted the speculum and twisted it into place - as all the rest before her have done. It felt like a corkscrew then I can feel the brush working around etc and then it was over and I went home and dreaded going for a pee for a few hours afterwards.

I will go back in 3 years but I just wish there was more honesty about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Bellatrix14 · 29/04/2019 16:22

Mine took a couple of minutes from start to finish, maybe 5 or 6 from laying down on the bed to having my shoes back on. I haven’t given birth but I didn’t find it painful, just a bit odd (I’ve only had the one). I’m sorry it’s not as straightforward for you, but from my limited experience your friend isn’t too far off.

Twickerhun · 29/04/2019 16:22

Mine can take 10mins. From the nurse trying to insert the whatsit to her being able to remove it. I usually have to tilt my hips and the nurse often has to shift around trying to find my cervix and open it. Then usually I bleed a bit where I get bashed so the whole thing becomes a wasted effort as I need to return the month after.

Malibucyprus · 29/04/2019 16:23

Mine takes 5-10 mins, nurse always has trouble finding my cervix too, so most of that time is spent with me shifting position, up, down, up a bit more, can you lift any higher and so on.... it then takes 2 mins to take the sample.

Accountant222 · 29/04/2019 16:23

I have problems, I tell them every time, you will need the long one. Insert a small one, screw it around pull it out, oh I need a long one, ffs. I'm 62 I've had my last one and won't be requesting another.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:24

Wellthisisshit that's exactly it. I am made to feel like a drama queen when I arrive (I admit I am quite tense) so maybe a bit dramatic but I am always fobbed off with it will take a few seconds, Then you see their faces as they realise I wasn't lying and my cervix is basically hidden. Then we do the same thing next time round.

OP posts:
SammySamSam09 · 29/04/2019 16:24

Mine used to take about 10 minutes. I had an awkward cervix. Got a hysterectomy when I was 35 so no more cervix thankfully.

scrappydappydoo · 29/04/2019 16:25

Yup definitely not 1 or 2 mins for me - more like a good 5 to 10 minutes ferreting about and
‘hmms’
‘hang on nearly there’
‘no not quite’
‘let me just try this’
‘Nope’
‘This will do the trick’
‘Ah ok - here we go’
Oh let’s do that again’
‘There we go all done Smile

Me: HmmConfusedSadBlush

Although painful at the time - it doesn’t ‘bruise,

YouBumder · 29/04/2019 16:25

At our practice they tell you to say when phoning for the appt that it’s a smear because it takes a double apppintment. I have been fortunate as the smear itself is over quickly but the whole appointment yes I’d say is around the 10 minute mark .

Sakura7 · 29/04/2019 16:25

It's usually quick for me, I reckon my most recent one was no more than a minute.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:26

Thank you all.(I don't know how to quote people). I am not alone. It takes longer for some of us!!! I would just like them to take me seriously.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 29/04/2019 16:26

It used to take a while to find my cervix but I had IVF and the nurse there taught me to make fists with both my hands then put them under my hips to adjust the angle of my pelvis and now it is much quicker.

Megan2018 · 29/04/2019 16:26

My last one took over 15 mins of poking about. It is elusive and tilted and doesn't play ball. It is also painful and very unpleasant.

But I tolerate it for the greater good.

When I was young they were easy - as I have aged it has got harder and harder (now 41). I am due for one soon but as I am pg I escape it for a while longer. I 'll be interested to see if childbirth does anything for it (although I will likely have a section).

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:29

@oddboots I've tried the fists under hips thing doesn't work for me
@Megan2018 definitely gotten worse with age or maybe I am more au fait with what will happen but I still get fobbed off.

painful and unpleasant but I also go for the greater good

OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 29/04/2019 16:29

I am the same as you OP, last time a different doctor had to come and take over because the nurse couldn't find my cervix. I am fortunate my practice has a gynae specialist GP who was able to come and help straight away, but it has always been more than two minutes. I am glad it is only a minute for a lot of people, I didn't know that!

Ellie56 · 29/04/2019 16:33

They take forever to find mine OP and it is very painful. On the last occasion the nurse gave up as it was excruciating. I am now past the age where you are called regularly for smear tests. I won't be asking for another.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:33

@scrappydappydoo that's it exactly. But all that takes about 10 minutes.

OP posts:
Eliza9919 · 29/04/2019 16:35

My last one was over in way less than a minute. I was in the nurses office for about 2 mins max.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:40

@Ellie56 this was my fear at the last one - that she would give up and I would have to come back. She looked very dejected and stressed. So I just gritted my teeth. But my friend refuses to believe it. I am not going to let her do my smear to prove a point...she hasn't offered.

@Sciurus83 I've had that too- the "expert" arriving and having no more success. To be fair I just think they don't believe me that I have a "winking" cervix.

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 29/04/2019 16:40

Couple of minutes max

OwlBeThere · 29/04/2019 16:41

I only ever had one that took a long time with lots of sitting on my fists and extra tries. But it did pick up my early cervical cancer so I can’t be mad about it.

Original poster
mememe2019 · 29/04/2019 16:42

just frustrated

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 29/04/2019 16:43

I had very quick and painless ones when I was younger - literally in and out in 20 seconds - but since I’ve got older they’re taking considerably longer and hurt much more. Nurse last time (in March) said it often happens like that, after menopause etc. It bloody hurt I tell you.

The good news (apart from having the all clear again this time) is that I don’t have to go again for five years. I’ll be 57 by then.

(Hoping they’ll maybe have invented a better test in the meantime).

ForeverReading · 29/04/2019 16:44

I've had two repair ops after my deliveries and I wish my cervix was higher! But I can see it can be an issue with smears.

I think you have had inexperienced people doing yours from what you say.

Raspberry10 · 29/04/2019 16:47

Mine’s never taken longer than about 2 minutes, but my Mum has a tilted womb so finding her cervix takes much longer.

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/04/2019 16:48

I believe it depends where your cervix is - ie tilted or in a difficult position for the test. In my case the test takes less than a minute and is no issue whatsoever. I understand for other women its not so easy.
PS as someone who has had literally terrible gynae probs for years, I reckon having easy smear tests is fair enough!!