Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO think my partner should go out and get a better job?

137 replies

Pickle2017 · 29/04/2019 14:00

So.. Long story short , I believe my partner has become way to comfortable / complacent in his current job role . He is so clever, so skilled, so confident and amazing at what he does, BUT: gets treated like shit, disrespected , and is on less than £28k to be a customer service manager... I am getting sick and tired of how he just moans about work when he comes home.. we both work full time, and I am so motivated to better myself and I am currently in the process of finding a new job.. because we really need a better wage coming in.

My partner is constantly moaning how we cant afford to do anything cause we cannot afford it, BUT IF HES GOING TO MOAN ABOUT IT, WHY NOT DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!? I just don't get it :(

He has been in this role for almost 7 years and just refuses to move on.

why ?! I just think he is lazy, but at the age of 40 and with his skill set and experience confidence , he should be on at least £40-£50k.

Please shoot me if I am being wrong or out of line. I would have no right to moan if I wasn't working, but we both work full time, and have a one year old in nursery, hence why I am working my arse off to go out there and get a better paid job.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 29/04/2019 14:30

I am assuming that you earn considerably more than 28k since he is the one you think should get a better job, so probably your family has enough of a combined income to live on.

This being so, you would BU if he was happy with what he did and was a positive influence on your family. But he is not happy, he keeps moaning and that in itself has got to affect your quality of life. So tell him to stop moaning or come up with a plan.

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:32

How do you suggest he goes about getting a better job??

Sounds like he has a good job and is working hard at it.

Original poster
Pickle2017 · 29/04/2019 14:37

Well how else do people go out to get jobs?! I am doing it and managing it because I am motivated and want more for all of us as a family. How can he possibly have a good job when everything he comes out with is negativity and how he doesnt get treated well, how is team are so rubbish. I am constantly bigging him up and telling him how well he is doing and how his skills will be so much more appreciated else where. But he just sits there and accepts it. I am bored of it to be quite honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickle2017 · 29/04/2019 14:38

Hey , no I earn less than £22k and would love to be on more and believe I can be on more, I just need to push myself and my skills out of my comfort zone , which is what I am doing. But I think my partner should be doing the same , for my reasons stated.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/04/2019 14:39

I'm guessing likely he's bored of your whinging.

Good luck with the job hunt. Until you get the better job, and you far out earn him, I'd keep my mouth shut.

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:39

Most people arent earning 40-50k, or could just walk into a job earning that much (I have 2 degrees couldn't!) If it was easy everyone would be on a high wage....

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:39

Gosh you sound awful :(

InDubiousBattle · 29/04/2019 14:40

£50 k would probably put him around the top 10-15% of earners- not something you can just 'go out and do'. Assuming you're around his age do you earn £40-50k? If he's moaning everyday then why do you think he's comfortable and complacent? It sounds more like something else might be holding him back?

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:40

50k combined salary is better than most families. I think if its so easy to find a 30-50k job you should lead by example...

starzig · 29/04/2019 14:41

YABU to assume he should be on 40-50k. Many degree level, high experience positions don't earn that much. £28k is fairly normal for a professional job with 20yr experience

AudacityOfHope · 29/04/2019 14:42

What skills, education and experience does he offer that's going to net him 50k???

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/04/2019 14:43

I did psychology decades ago and there is fairly good evidence from twin studies and suchlike that job satisfaction is heritable (genetic) and fairly stable. If you moan about your job, chances are you'll moan about the next one.

Original poster
Pickle2017 · 29/04/2019 14:43

whinging or wanting him to do better ? don't acuse me of whinging when you dont have a clue how much I support him in the current rubbish situiation he is at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickle2017 · 29/04/2019 14:45

can I ask why, have you actually read my post and how great I think he is at what he does and how he comes home every night sometimes in tears at how he is treated and underpaid he is? what would you do as a supportive wife/partner, sit there any listen? or encourage him to get the hell out there and do something about it ?

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 29/04/2019 14:46

People don’t wake up one morning and go I’m going to apply for that £50k job today that I don’t have any experience on. It takes years of hard and work and dedication through study and working your way up the ladder by promoted to get to those pay levels. Yabu

Original poster
Pickle2017 · 29/04/2019 14:47

hes worked his way down the pay packet.. not up. this is what I dont understand, he used to work as a consultant travelling around and was on amazing money, loved it ,got made redundant, but went into customer services, now hates it.

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 29/04/2019 14:47

Ok job satisfaction might not be great in which case he might be better off doing a similar job at a different company

purpleboy · 29/04/2019 14:47

God people just love to try and stick the boot in, hope it makes you all feel much better!

At the end of the day op it's up to him to motivate himself, I understand you completely I am the same I've always pushed myself and as a result live a very comfortable life. If I was not happy with an aspect of my live I would change it, however we are not all the same.
Have you told him how frustrating it is hearing him constantly moan about his job? If so then apart from trying to raise it again with him, I would tell him to stop moaning to you until he is ready to do something about it.

If people had more motivation and self worth, then there would be a lot more in the top earning bracket! Of course it's difficult but it's not impossible if you are prepared to put the effort in to get there! Clearly you are trying to do this but you can't make him change if he doesn't want to. You can however tell him to stop moaning about it!

NoBaggyPants · 29/04/2019 14:48

Please shoot me if I am being wrong or out of line.

don't acuse me of whinging when you dont have a clue how much I support him in the current rubbish situiation he is at work.

Complete lack of self awareness.

I can understand your husband being miserable. He dislikes his job and then comes home and gets nagged at by you. Poor sod.

If you're so keen on improving your financial position then go do it yourself. You might be surprised to learn it's not that easy to walk into a £40K job.

Still18atheart · 29/04/2019 14:48

I’m looking at doing his old type of job. I admit my job sector is quite niche it’s pretty slim pickings our there

blackcat86 · 29/04/2019 14:49

I understand OP as DH moans constantly about his job and how crap it is. He makes less than £25k pa so I out earn him doing 3 days a week and I run a business to. I've told enough is enough. If he earned less in a job he loved then I could understand that but to moan about a job with rubbish pay and conditions where I am still financially supporting us (and raising a baby) is rubbish. However, you do need to lead by example. I am looking for a higher paid job at the moment to.

cardibach · 29/04/2019 14:49

OP, I’d encourage home to get out of that job into something that would make h8m happy. You seem to be focussed on him earning more. I’d also like to know what qualifications will earn him £40-£50k as I could do with a new job. Degree, 2 post grad diplomas and 30 yrs teaching experience in my case. I don’t earn in that bracket.

corythatwas · 29/04/2019 14:49

Hey , no I earn less than £22k and would love to be on more and believe I can be on more, I just need to push myself and my skills out of my comfort zone , which is what I am doing. But I think my partner should be doing the same , for my reasons stated.

You do realise that there are an awful lot more jobs around in the 25-30k range than in the 40-50k range. This isn't just about being clever in a general sort of way: in many jobs, this is quite a high managerial level.

In my job, you would need not only a PhD and an international reputation but proven managerial skills. My dh, who is in the private sector and has 35 years experience in the field, manages dozens of staff and negotiates contracts worth millions- he is still not quite on 35k.

I'd concentrate on something more practical: get him to plan rather than moan.

stucknoue · 29/04/2019 14:50

£28 k is above national average, I do get what you are saying but it's not that easy to be promoted

BlueJava · 29/04/2019 14:50

Serious question - since you seem riled - have you considered he might be depressed? You mention that sometimes he is in tears at night - that's just not normal. But depression would explain why he hasn't tried to get out of the situation he's in.

Perhaps focus on his happiness and wellbeing rather than earning more money. I don't think someone can complain about what their partner earns until they earn more. (I do earn more - just under double what my partner earns).

Swipe left for the next trending thread