TO think my partner should go out and get a better job?

[Pickle2017]

So.. Long story short , I believe my partner has become way to comfortable / complacent in his current job role . He is so clever, so skilled, so confident and amazing at what he does, BUT: gets treated like shit, disrespected , and is on less than £28k to be a customer service manager... I am getting sick and tired of how he just moans about work when he comes home.. we both work full time, and I am so motivated to better myself and I am currently in the process of finding a new job.. because we really need a better wage coming in.

My partner is constantly moaning how we cant afford to do anything cause we cannot afford it, BUT IF HES GOING TO MOAN ABOUT IT, WHY NOT DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!? I just don't get it :(

He has been in this role for almost 7 years and just refuses to move on.

why ?! I just think he is lazy, but at the age of 40 and with his skill set and experience confidence , he should be on at least £40-£50k.

Please shoot me if I am being wrong or out of line. I would have no right to moan if I wasn't working, but we both work full time, and have a one year old in nursery, hence why I am working my arse off to go out there and get a better paid job.

Thank you for some of the positive replies on here, its changed my mind set and I really would like to sit down with him and perhaps talk through some possible soloutions or look deeper into reasons as to why he isnt happy . Although I cant magically give him £50k out of thin air, he has to work for it like all of us for sure !

There is a finite number of better paying jobs so regardless of motivation some still won’t make it.

If anyone constantly moans about any situation, job or otherwise it can be draining. But your posts are somehow not coming across too well.

Adversecamber22 Could I please ask why or which part? - (apart from when I am rightly defending myself due to unnecessary and quite hurtful comments) Thanks

Op you also need to sort out the fact that he does. Othing around the house or with your child.
If it's because of depression he needs help. Or it's just laziness and his penis

OP, you sound very motivated. In contrast, your DH has had enough and can't be bothered with work anymore.

Why doesn't he become a SAHD and you could push ahead with your career ambitions?

It might take a bit of juggling initially, but if you were able to find a job on 28k (like he is now), he could go PT or eventually stop work entirely and look after the kids?

Morning OP.

I think some of the responses you have received are a bit harsh but I do also think that you need to stop focusing on wanting your DP to get a £40k/£50k job. As some pp have stated, a change in employment may mean a pay cut but can subsequently lead to better roles/promotions (and with it the better pay). I've taken a step back in my career twice, in which my pay had dropped, but have worked my way back up and am earning a decent salary.

My dh was in a similar situation as your DP, in a job that he didn't like and would moan about it but not do anything to change the situation. He was also suffering from depression but refused to go to the doctors. At the same time I was trying to further career and I believe that my dh changed his mindset once he saw that I was progressing up the ladder (through sideways moves and promotions). I also suffer from depression but I think that the fact I was able to push through it and channel my energies into working on my career gave him the impetus to do the same.

You've said that you've made several suggestions to DP including going to the doctors but DP hasn't taken them forward. I would hold off on making any more suggestions and focus on progressing your career, which you seem keen to do, as this might encourage DP and you will be happy in yourself for moving further up the ladder with hopefully the additional income you would like.

As you had stated that you do a large proportion of the housework maybe you should get DP to chip in a bit more? He might not talk about work as much if he has things to do around the house.

I get where your coming from that would drive me mad as welll.... 2 years of moaning and not doing.... howvere as 40 yr old hes maybe got stuck in a rut.... but you havent - why are you doing everything for him hes not your child.... honestly you sound like you've got lots of drive focus on where you are going and what you are doing...

he may never come with you though...and you need to think ahead do you want this in 5yrs/10yrs/20 yrs......dont waste your energy and drive..
maybe your happy for him to stay on 28k and he can pick up more of teh household stuff as you invest in yourself.. and your families future

you ae younger, have energy and drive dont waste it...it seems this is less about teh money and more about drive and ambition...which seem incompatible at the moment... would you be happy if he was on £28k and just not moaning about it so much?

you cant change him only what you do about it....you only have one life is this what you want from it....

Realistically, he's probably been out of the consultants game too long to walk back into it, especially as he's now tsk a hefty drop to half his salary in a very different line of work.

Consultant work is also pretty stressful and it may be that he doesn't want that anymore, but he misses the salary. Or it could be that he does want that, but doesn't feel he's got the skills and relevant experience anymore.

At the end of the day, though, you're doing all you can. You can't make him apply, and he's unlikely to get or keep the job if really he doesn't want to and he's lacking motivation and confidence.

If it's a wage problem, I'd focus on your career and support him when he's ready to make a change.

If it's that he seems sad and mentions this a lot, you might need to talk to him about whether he's just letting off steam, and if so, how he can do that so that he's not winding either of you up.

he used to work as a consultant travelling around and was on amazing money

Lots of time away?
Didn't see family?
Different hotel every night?
Lots of travelling?

I do this and I would seriously consider giving it up for less money but more time at home.

Has he got other reasons to retain this job? I could earn more, but stay in my current role as the hours are flexible, plus I have benefits which suit us as a family & a good pension scheme. My DH is in a similar position, he could earn (a lot) more, but it would mean more stress & responsibility, more risk of redundancy, and longer hours generally, plus more travel away from home. I understand why he's making the choice he is, there's a balance in life.

What do you do for a living OP? What income are you on and what jobs plus salary are you applying for? Sometimes the women have to be the breadwinners.

Maybe the current job has dented his confidence. It's not easy to find a new job when you feel down even though it may well help you feel better once you get it.