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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Creepy behavior from uncle

138 replies

Springtimesnow · 28/04/2019 21:23

NC'd as this could be too revealing.

I am in my mid 20s, single female. A few months ago I visited my uncle for the first time in years (he lives very far away). He is in his 60s and has children that are older than me. He is very religious and did preach to me with bible in hand a few times. His wife gave me a card and said it seemed I was 'coming to the truth'. I was polite and just explained that I was spiritual but didn't attach myself to any form of institutional religion.

Ever since, he has been texting me daily. Initially it was just generic 'how are you, how is the family' type messages. He would send religious type things too but he does this to other family members and I thought nothing of it. Since then these messages have become far more frequent and if I don't reply he keeps sending them until I do saying he 'feels like a child waiting for his mother to come home'. I just get text after text asking if I'm okay and why have I not replied etc. He messaged me yesterday saying he hopes I won't be uncomfortable but he feels he can speak to me about anything and I am the most important person in his life. He has a wife and children so I find this quite odd.

He then sent me a text saying he had been looking at my graduation photos and that he had noticed how young I was and that I was 'really something' and he loves how I think and loves me so much it makes him cry.

I have politely tried to tell him that these messages are making me uncomfortable to which he replied 'but you understand it is because it is you and you are so special to me, I am in tears now'.

AIBU to be creeped out by this? He doesn't seem to have any issues re dementia that I am aware of and I've tried to be sensitive in how I approach things as I don't want a fall out but this type of behavior isn't normal surely?

OP posts:

Booboostwo · 28/04/2019 21:30

Yes of course he is creepy, and he’s harassing you. Block him and if that doesn’t work report him to the police. He sounds completely deranged.

PrincessDanae · 28/04/2019 21:34

Do you have a parent alive who is the sibling to the uncle or aunt in question? If so I would be telling them about this behaviour. It is creepy and totally inappropriate. If not, send one last text to your uncle telling him that the texts are inappropriate and have made you feel uncomfortable and you don't wish to receive anymore.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 28/04/2019 21:35

That’s really, really strange behaviour and sounds obsessive. Is he your uncle via blood or marriage?

Original poster

Springtimesnow · 28/04/2019 21:40

He is my father's brother. My father died a few years ago. My mum has said that she will have a word but I just don't want an argument.

I have tried explaining to him this evening that it makes me very uncomfortable. I don't want to hurt him in case there is something I'm unaware of (illness etc) but I may just change my number if it doesn't stop.

OP posts:

Smotheroffive · 28/04/2019 21:42

I would report him as a risk. Send in copies of the texts.

He's obsessive and stalking.

You might not recognise the character profile, but the police will.

Your OP is very worrying indeed. This man is a risk.

Smotheroffive · 28/04/2019 21:43

Don't bother going to other family members about it as if they haven't already reported they may minimise and normalise his sick behaviour.

HollowTalk · 28/04/2019 21:44

I would be amazed if you were the first woman he'd done this to. You need to be absolutely frank about what he's doing.

Mumsymumphy · 28/04/2019 21:52

Report to police via 101, at the very least for it to be recorded official. He is a risk and it could escalate. Just because he is your uncle doesn't mean you owe him politeness. He's an out and out creep. If this was being done by someone else would you still be not wanting to cause an argument? He's obviously ignoring your polite requests to stop so tell him to eff off.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 28/04/2019 21:55

Such a difficult situation but I wouldn’t worry about upsetting him, he’s massively overstepping boundaries and given an inch will take a mile. I too do wonder if he’s got form for this in the past...

pickletickled · 28/04/2019 22:00

It is strange behaviour and yes, rather creepy.
Tell him plain and simple that his messages are making you uncomfortable and that you will not reply to future ones that are deemed uncomfortable and if he doesn't stop you will block his number. I wouldn't bother beating around the bush tbh.
Only you can judge if this is creeping you out or scaring you enough to involve the police. If he doesn't stop you may not have a choice.
The he 'feels like a child waiting for his mother to come home' comment actually makes me feel sick but I can't explain why.

Accountant222 · 28/04/2019 22:06

Just block him

sonjadog · 28/04/2019 22:10

He is being really creepy. Don't give him the benefit of the doubt - make it very clear that he is to stop this right now.

Dragongirl10 · 28/04/2019 22:10

Block him op this is very weird and possibly stalking behavior.

Don't let it continue.

Chiochan · 28/04/2019 22:11

Let him know his behaviour is making you very worried about him and in this situation it is only right that you should talk to his wife so the people who love him most can be there for him

whataboutbob · 28/04/2019 22:12

He sounds like he has mental health issues and possibly is on the verge of a breakdown; the other explanation is as above, he’s just creepy and trying to groom you. Don’t put yourself at risk by visiting him on your own again.

ShitAtScarbble · 28/04/2019 22:15

Report to police via 101, at the very least for it to be recorded official

So much nonsense.

101 do not have a special book where they record every non-crime reported to them by the overenthusiastic Miss Marples in the community.

MitziK · 28/04/2019 22:17

Religion can be creepy when somebody tries to force it upon somebody else.

Ignore. Block if necessary.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2019 22:18

Predatory, wanting to possess you. Incestuous, strange and deeply worrying.

MooseHoose · 28/04/2019 22:18

It’s totally unacceptable. Even if it wasn’t plain weird, the simple fact is that you don’t like it and it’s your phone, your personal number and only you get to decide what is okay. Your discomfort means his need to talk to you constantly is simply irrelevant.

I personally wouldn’t get my mum to do it. Not to be rude but you’re an adult and it’s you receiving the messages. Tell him straight: it’s nice for him to think so highly of you but you don’t reckon his wife would appreciate him telling you that he loves you. Then block his number - most mobiles let you do that.

Dustyroad63 · 28/04/2019 22:21

Block him. It doesn't matter if he's family or not its just wrong.
And the religion aspect just makes me sick. So many weirdos claim to be religious and think that gives them some kind of right to do what the hell they like.
Block him and forget him you owe him nothing.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/04/2019 22:22

I would delete and block him, it is harassment and extremely inappropriate. Keep all the messages.

Lazysundays18 · 28/04/2019 22:23

Could you phone and try to speak to your aunt. Tell her everything and pretend you're phoning because you're worried about him... hopefully she can then confront him about it? Then I would block. Sounds so creepy.

HBStowe · 28/04/2019 22:24

Really weird and inappropriate - I would block him tbh

ToEarlyForDecorations · 28/04/2019 22:26

Predatory, wanting to possess you. Incestuous, strange and deeply worrying

This^

That reference to your photo, OP, was him telling you that he thinks you look hot. In his own way, using his own vocabulary.

Report your concerns to the police. You might not be the first.

His family boundaries seem be non-existent. His social boundaries seem non-existent too.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 28/04/2019 22:28

So many weirdos claim to be religious and think that gives them some kind of right to do what the hell they like.

Yep. They know themselves and their behaviour will be tolerated more than many other places.

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