To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

[trully]

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

And there's underthinking

Bingo! I wish I had put money on that reply. Always churned out.

Probably because it's always relevant....

Not really, it's just trying to insinuate people that don't agree are a bit thick...

Not in this case.

Some of us value marriage and see it as setting the seal on commitment. Now I suppose that’s wrong too.

Really? Imo it's making the point that it's alright to think about things more than some other people want you to or think you should. Unthinking /= thick.

Incy Wincy (not sure how to tag sorry!)
Yes, my mum was there and she was accompanied to the church by my brother and the bridesmaids and was there to greet all the guests as they arrived. I had other equally as special moments with her during the day and in the run up to the day and as she is of course equally as special as my father! Walking me down the aisle and being there beforehand was a special moment for me and my father, it wasn't a sexist choice it was just something lovely

Bingo! I wish I had put money on that reply.Always churned out.

But trotting out "over thinking" to which under thinking is a reply is fine?

Not to mention agressive, militant, etc

How else would you describe some of these posts?

Opinions are only agressive and militant when women have them.

No one is being "agressive". It's a chat forum fgs. No one is being militant by pointing out that this tradition is steeped in the history of women's subjugation. It's simply accurate.

What bollocks an aggressive or militant opinion is exactly that, regardless of who holds it.

There's lots of things I won't conform to from a traditional marriage sense. Have never changed my name, for example. But walking down the aisle with my Dad is one of my best and favourite memories of my whole life.

He beamed with joy, he was the happiest, proudest man alive.

We lost him suddenly soon after to cancer. It's hard to get over.

But god am I glad we had those special moments before we left for the church, and those moments together walking down the aisle. I wouldn't change that or sell that memory for all the money in the world.

I have not ever seen or heard a man being called militant for expressing mainstream political views which the person using the word doesn’t like.
I hear it all the time when women do.

Yes.

My parents walked down the aisle together first and then I followed on my own.

Both me and DH double-barrelled our surnames.

I did a bloody awesome speech.

I didn't have any bridesmaids. Not one (even though I have plenty of close female friends).

I chose and paid for my own engagement ring too.

The extreme feminist views being expressed here are not mainstream at all. Men are frequently referred to as militant, it’s sometimes self applied as in the far left wing of the Labour Party in the 70s.

Not that has anything to do with the sweet and harmless tradition of a father accompanying his daughter down the aisle.

Do you know the history of bridesmaids? I love it. Basically there were naughty evil spirits which could cause harm to the bride so they dressed few girls in replicas of the wedding dress so the bad spirits would get confused. In some areas bride wasn't to touch soil on a way to church so the spirits couldn't grab onto her so she was carried everywhere.

They were there to save the bride, now they are there to save the hen do 😁 And support a friend.
Elements of the wedding can be still the same, but their meaning changes. Same with father "giving" the bride. Now it's not about giving away a "possession" but rather about father walking his daughter into a new chapter of her life. Or the mother walks. Or anyone or no one the bride chooses. Because it's her choice.

I had a real issue with it particularly since I don’t talk to my dad and was so close to walking down alone. But then after some thought I really wanted to honour my brother in some way. He’s the only decent bloke in my life apart from DH and felt like he should have something special from me, so I looked at it as more of me telling him my respect for him rather than basing it on the sexist tradition. Because it’s sexist doesn’t mean that’s the meaning it has to have for you on your wedding day.

I also completely agree with Moreslidingdoors

Marital rape and slavery are very different from being given away at a wedding. However women being the property of her father than husband, marital rape, and slavery are all disgusting archaic remnants of a bygone era which pretty much everyone now agrees should never be brought back.

If you agree with the above, and I find it hard to believe anyone wouldn't, then surely you can see that a gentle nostalgic nod towards one of them is a pijt on a spectrum to a gentle nostalgic nod to all of them. And gentle nostalgic nods are steps on the spectrum towards thinking they were nice things.

So at one end of the spectrum we have a bride being walked down the aisle, a father being asked for blessing / permission for hand in marriage, and further along the same spectrum we have women with fewer rights than men, women paid less for the same job, and even further along we have slavery and women being the property of men.

I think it's fair enough to say you don't want to take any steps along this spectrum. If your opinion is that the first couple of steps are on for you but no more then fine - as a PP said: own it. But don't pretend that there is a magic line after walking a bride down the aisle where everything one side is OK and everything the other side isn't. You've drawn that line according to your own preferences, own it and accept others may be valid in feeling differently and worrying that allowing any steps is a slippery slope.

Fwiw these issues are the main reason I'm still unmarried after 15 years together. We are now planning to marry and I am going to have lots of internal battles about what to choose as I'm very close to my lovely dad, but I cannot publicly nod towards the idea of him giving me away.

Because it’s sexist doesn’t mean that’s the meaning it has to have for you on your wedding day.

I didn’t think a family member’s wheelchair would look good in the photos, so I didn’t invite them. It wasn’t disablist though.

And I chose a white registrar rather than a black one because I thought the old biddies would prefer it. It wasn’t racist though.

*not true stories. You can’t just make a sexist thing not sexist by calling it respectful!

You can, however, discount it as being sexist at all.

I've got a fun little tradition at work where the black members of my team wipe my desk every morning before I start.

It's all good humoured, they don't mind as I've been a really good mentor and support for them during their employment and it's just a little way of saying thanks. It doesn't mean I think black people are any less valued than white people, or should do my menial tasks for me. It's just a harmless tradition, harking back to my ancestors who kept slaves.

I don't get the white people in my team to do it but if they want to they're allowed to join in obviously!

I'm not racist, I just enjoy having a clean desk. It's all harmless fun

You can, however, discount it as being sexist at all.

Not unless men start being walked down the aisle by their mothers in equal numbers, you can’t.

None of the views expressed on this thread are militant. Hardly radical feminism, is it?

Equating it to marital rape is a touch extreme, no?