To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

[trully]

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

but I like tradition

Hope you're following all these faithfully...

None of those are traditions, they’re the crap that decades of feminism has got rid of.

It doesn’t bother me and I could go without as I agree it’s rooted in sexist tradition. However I know my stepfather would be really touched if I asked him to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and that would make me happy.

DH and I walked in together. I didn’t want to be ‘given away’ for all the reasons already mentioned. I also asked him not to be asking my father for ‘permission’ to marry me which I am glad he followed!

On the day, my husband went and stood near to the door, it was opened, we met at the top of the aisle (so there was still an element of ‘surprise’) and we walked down together. It was lovely and very emotional to be walking in there together hand in hand.

I was walked down the aisle by my Dad, he’s never viewed me as property and neither does dh. DF is religious though and it meant something to him to be involved in our happiness. My dbro made a speech and my 2dsis were both involved in ways they wanted to be. DM rather enjoyed being mother of the bride 😁.

obey was not in the ceremony but honour was.

Dh and I split all chores equally though he could make the bed more often.....

Another vote for walking in together. Getting married was something DH and I had decided to do together, and being married is a joint enterprise, so approaching it together felt like the right thing to do. But none of the traditional baggage was for me. I banned the word "bride".

If having your father (or mother, or both) walk you down the aisle is something that would be a happy parent-daughter moment and lovely memory, though, I say go for it and own the choice, and your reasons.

Even if it's a church wedding [ours wasn't] you can opt out of the "giving away" wording within the marriage ceremony, which makes it slightly easier to re-frame the "walking you down the aisle" bit as merely company and support and a family moment.

If DH had asked for my father's permission to request my hand in marriage, we'd have been pre-emptively divorced.

Virtually every tradition we have, started out with a meaning that it no longer has.

There are so many 'firsts' in my daughters' lives that I got to experience, but their father didn't. Dad's are often sidelined (right from pregnancy) or not able to be around for those things. So I think it's great that there's something that brings them into focus, and a role that they can take. And it's a source of sadness that my late husband (the most involved of dads) won't be able to take that place.

We played with the idea of leaving obey in our marriage vows purely for the collective intake of breath/wave of laughter it would provoke but decided it was a step too far. My husband still teases me, 19 years later, that I can’t really love him because I didn’t promise to obey or change my name!

It's not done where I live, my parents walked down the aisle together and that's the way I'll do it if I get around to getting married.

My DH didn't propose, we discussed things and decided to get married. So he didn't ask my father's permission or blessing, we just informed our families. There was no "engagement" or ring.
When it came to our wedding, we had a (tiny) civil wedding where we arrived together followed by a non-religous ceremony (with guests) a few weeks later. At that ceremony, my DH walked down the aisle with his uncle, followed by me and my father. My father would have been hurt if we had deprived him of this part.
Lots of these traditions are really outdated now and there is lots of pressure to put on a "show", but that's really not what marriage is about.

Once again - the issue is choice. If you want your dad/mum/brother/dog to walk you down the aisle then that is your choice .

The only time any one incorporating these traditions can be accused of 'pandering to the patriarchy ' is when those getting married are made to do this by the pressure or influence of others.

Choice is the victory of feminism. Not imposing your views as 'right' because you have a misguided idea that women are too stupid to have their own opinions and that as a feminist your opinion outweighs another's wishes through some kind of groupthink of the way we must all be.

A woman's right to choose what name she wishes to call herself, if she wants her dp to 'ask for her hand in marriage ' or for her father to walk her down the aisle.. are all choices for her to make and neither is right or wrong.

@saraclara

Yes we didn't include slavery or marital rape in our wedding ceremony. We decided against it in the end. Nobody gives a stuff what anyone else does.

MoreSlidingDoors
It was just a bit of tradition

Like marital rape? That was traditional. So was men having all the legal rights. And slavery. How traditional are you planning to be?

Comparing marital rape to a father walking his daughter down the aisle is just batshit. Utter batshit. This place is full of angry militants giving feminism a bad name, today seems worse than ever. Maybe they hate Mondays as well as men

This place is full of angry militants giving feminism a bad name

Think. Honestly, just spend sometime thinking.

Choice is the victory of feminism.

Not really. Freedom from oppression is the victory of feminism. When it happens, that is.

Think. Honestly, just spend sometime thinking.

Freedom from oppression is the victory of feminism. When it happens, that is

Indeed.

There's thinking and there's overthinking.

When men start getting walked down the aisle by a parent I'll believe it's not a sexist thing to do.

When men start getting walked down the aisle by a parent I'll believe it's not a sexist thing to do.

My friend was walked to the altar by his mum. The bride by her father. It was actually really lovely! They have an amazing relationship so he wanted her to. It was a different ceremony though. Not in church and unusual religion.

When men start getting walked down the aisle by a parent I'll believe it's not a sexist thing to do

As per my previous post, my DH was walked down the aisle by his mum.

I have also conducted a few same-sex ceremonies where the grooms were walked in by a parent too.

No, because it is sexist.

Marriage is sexist traditionally as well, but unfortunately we live in a sexist society that doesn't recognise that, so quite often people have to get married in order to secure their rights.
Dh are from different countries and have lived in multiple countries. Marriage is accepted and respected in all countries for major decisions. Neither of us would have wanted family to be next of kin. Marriages helped us with visas etc. I'm a sahp for financial reasons being the far lower earner. I get security through marriage.

It is based on a sexist tradition, yes, but we did modern civil vows that involved no 'giving away' so I was very happy to do it. My mum was busy organising flower girls anyway and it made my dad immensely happy and proud.