To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

[trully]

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

I did not ask my FIL permission to marry DW. It had nothing to do with him. He did walk DW down the aisle as that is what she wanted.

Wow, if I had a quid for every poster who wrote "It's just a tradition"

Just because something has been done, doesn't make it worth doing again.

I find it very strange that people think they can divorce it from its roots.

I don't think black people have chosen to keep any racist traditions because of tradition.

Why would your dad feel pride in you getting married anyway?

I raised that one so well a man took her off my hands.

Having my Dad walk me down the aisle was very much worth doing. It made us both very happy.

"Comparing marital rape to a father walking his daughter down the aisle is just batshit."

You misunderstanding the point.The poster who raised slavery and marital rape was RESPONDING to one of the gazillion "It's just a tradition" posts.

The first abolitionist ever who tried to argue against slavery was no doubt told "It's tradition/ it's the practice/ it's how things have always been done ".

Tradition is not a good enough reason to do something, because many, many traditions, including marital rape, are bad.

HTH

Just because something has been done, doesn't make it worth doing again.

Yes it does if the person doing it chooses it. What right had anyone to tell another what traditions they are 'allowed' to enjoy?

Why must some groups of people feel the desperate need to impose their views on others ?

The only line to be drawn is when one persons actions endangers the welfare of another. Until then every adult Male it female gets to make their own choices.

How bloody rude and patronising. Nobody has misunderstood the point, the vast majority of us just don’t agree with or pander to it.

HTH.

Tradition is not a good enough reason to do something, because many, many traditions, including marital rape, are bad.

But many traditions such as having your Dad walk you down the aisle (because that's what you both want to do) are good.

Why does having a different opinion equal telling people what to do or are "allowed"?

It's a debate, that's all.

My dad walked me down the aisle to my husband. He gave Hubby a hug and then sat down. Hubby then walked with me up onto the stage (we were married at a community hall which had a stage).

Interestingly, in the Catholic Church there is no giving of the bride. You aren't allowed to have one! One of the requirements for Catholic marriage is that both parties must freely consent to the marriage. If the bride is "given away" that implies that her consent is not free. You're allowed to have one or both parents walk the bride down the aisle, but there isn't a giving of the bride.

@Assassinatedbeauty, you were the one lecturing people about not making feminist choices. The posters saying it’s a personal choice are pretty laid back about it.

I don't recall lecturing. My posts have been short and making a very very simple point that choices are not feminist just because they are made by a woman. I specifically stated that I don't care at all what people choose to do in this regard. I do think it's reasonable to discuss these traditions from a feminist view point. Not that this is at all the same as criticising any one individual's point of view/choice.

My father walked me down the aisle. I also arranged things so that before we left for the church, it was just he and I left in the house for around 10 mins and it was lovely.

It gave both of us a few mins to relax, have a giggle and get ready, that time was a beautiful moment of calm before a wonderful (but hectic!) day and I will always treasure it.

I love my father very much and those quiet moments with him before the wedding were very special. He didn't 'give me away', he supported me down the aisle, as he had always supported me up to that point in my life and (along with my wonderful mother) continues to support me in my marriage.

@MyTaxiIsAlwaysLate

"Why would your dad feel pride in you getting married anyway?"

Interesting... speaking only for myself, obviously, but why shouldn't my dad (and all other assembled guests) have felt proud of us as a couple?

I was raised by both of my parents to be proud of my achievements; they are proud of me. A short while after our wedding my dad and uncle were having a right old chat about how pleased they were that all their "kids" were married and happy. They sat for ages, talking about how they'd watched us grow up, make silly mistakes, and finally how proud they were of us all...Their "kids" all happy, all married and all with kids of our own.

Watching two true gentlemen, talk with such love and affection about their wives, children and families was incredibly touching.

So why shouldn't my father be proud?

"My friend was walked to the altar by his mum. The bride by her father. It was actually really lovely! "
"my DH was walked down the aisle by his mum."
"same-sex ceremonies where the grooms were walked in by a parent too."

This is all great - people of all sexes being accompanied by loved relatives of all sexes. Once this is as expected as the 'father walks woman down the aisle to a waiting man who does not need to be with his parents' the tradition becomes about individuals making choices free of sexist traditions, and just about people getting married. But until that assumption is dismantled or diluted it remains the context in which people act.

Mrsdilligaf what a lovely post! Puts the point perfectly.

yomomma it was just he and I left in the house for around 10 mins and it was lovely.

It gave both of us a few mins to relax, have a giggle and get ready, that time was a beautiful moment of calm before a wonderful (but hectic!) day and I will always treasure it.

I love my father very much and those quiet moments with him before the wedding were very special. He didn't 'give me away', he supported me down the aisle, as he had always supported me up to that point in my life and (along with my wonderful mother) continues to support me in my marriage."

I do appreciate that, and how emotional it was. Would it have been less special had your Mum been there? Where was she? Waiting alone in the church?

InceyWinceyette exactly! All about choice.

I'm proud of the people my children are becoming, i have a hand in that. I will never be proud that they manage to bag a wife or husband. It isn't an achievement. It doesn't say anything about the pekple they are or as me as a parent for raising them.

I was not given away. My dad didn't walk me down the aisle. I walked in with DH, together. We are a partnership with no senior/junior partners, so it made sense to start married life on an equal basis, being treated the same.

yomomamna your post has really resonated with me as I had that same 10minutes with my Dad and it was also a lovely memory to cherish after his death.

There's thinking and there's overthinking.

And there's underthinking

I will never be proud that they manage to bag a wife or husband. It isn't an achievement.

I don’t think it’s about “bagging” a partner though is it? Isn’t it about deciding to cement a partnership and to celebrate that union. Marriage isn’t easy and isn’t to be entered into lightly. I’d be proud of my DC for setting out on that journey.

It isn’t about “bagging a spouse”. It’s about being thrilled to see them happy and starting out on a new chapter in life.

That seems less relevant these days when people are very much more likely to have been in a relationship for a length of time, perhaps already bought a house together or have children.

I'd be happy that my children were in an established happy relationship. I wouldn't be bothered either way if they got married within that relationship.