WIBU to make them sit outside?

[FissionChips]

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

This is bizarre. I understand that people turning up unannounced can be annoying but the right way to deal with that is to say it’s not convenient sorry.

Just weird to not invite her in. What I don’t get is how she would want to hang out with you when you appear to be so hostile.

I don't like un announced visitors but the answer is don't go to the door and make an excuse later ( shout out to everyone I ever lied to about being in the bath) or go to the door and say you're just on your way out.

If this happened you were rude. I know someone who pulled stunts like this (never with me as I don't do 'visits') and she is very lonely now as a result.

I actually quite like your style OP

I hate unexpected visitors. I usually just send them packing. Next time I might offer a compromise of a driveway playdate. We actually do sit out on and play on our driveway though. It's big and flat and our 2 older ones scoot about on it. We've got a bench already and everything.

Honestly OP, I wouldn't have found you rude. I'd find an unexpected visitor more rude.

This is what what I'd have considered normal:

Her: Sorry to bother you but we were nearby and my DC wondered if she could come and say 'hello' to your DC for a bit? If it's a bad time we'll go, but she's really keen to see your DC so I said I'd ask.

You: Not at all, lovely to see you. Sorry the house is a mess, can I get you a cuppa?

Her: That would be lovely, the house looks great, you should see mine.

And so on and if it lasts too long you say:

You: I'll have to say 'good-bye' now I've got x to do before tomorrow.
Her: Of course, sorry to have kept you, thanks for the tea, see you soon.

Absolutely batshit, and actually I think you were rude and unnecessarily unkind.

I stress about people dropping in, mainly because I have 2 small children and my house is a tip, so yes I would be embarrassed by the mess - but it’s far more important for my children to make friends and have friends, so I’d suck it up for them.

And she’s not a random, she’s a fellow school mum who you’ve seen at soft play etc. So no, she’s not a random!!!

Maybe she’s feeling lonely and attempting to make friends - for her sake and her kids.

We all talk about “being there for people, the door is always open” - clearly to most people that is just bollocks. I’d feel sad if people though I was that unwelcoming they couldn’t knock on my door for a chat or our children to play together

So, yes, I can well imagine your DH is mortified.

Wow!
So many judgemental people in this thread.
OP prefers not to have visitors in her home.
Nobody has shown any interest in asking why OP feels this way.

But it is OP’s preference, so when someone arrives unannounced she makes the best of the situation and sits with the visitor whilst the children play. She makes them a drink and has a chat with someone who it seems is no more than a casual acquaintance.

I thought mumsnet was a supportive place. Seems I was wrong.

Thank you op for making me laugh aloud. It is odd behaviour but I have often felt like doing it (I'm very messy). I just wouldn't have the nerve.
I'm still not clear why you didn't want her inside?

Not inviting someone in your house but making them sit on the drive is weird. No ifs or buts.

I just don’t want people in my home. I don’t see what’s wrong wrong with that.

It's weird and anti-social. Do you have any friends? Does your OH have friends? Is he allowed to invite his friends round?

Nobody has shown any interest in asking why OP feels this way

Actually if you bothered to read through the replies, plenty of people have asked the OP why.

Ok.

She was pushy turning up uninvited.

You are odd for making her sit out the front of the house. Yes you sat with her and provided drink/blanket, but it's still odd.

She was odd for staying for ages after being made to sit outside, considering that she later said she didn't like it.

She was then somewhat passive-aggressive/just plain naive to say to your DH that it made her sad to be treated that way. It's all a bit demanding of her.

Actually now it's all spelt out, I find you the less odd of the two

I’d find it odd, but I know a number of odd people. I’d have wondered if you were on the spectrum, had issues such as OCD or PTSD and felt your house was your safe space. Or that it was a meth lab.
Either way, I’d have rolled with the al fresco, not gossiped about it and not arrived unannounced again.
I would make further overtures of friendship if my child liked yours, and because I’m a bit of an Elephant’s Child.

Sorry OP, it would look really rude but then again I have one of them open homes where the kettle is always on and my guests are always welcome which I hope my children to learn and continue.
If your message was ' I don't want friends or my child's friends visiting my home ' then you did the right approach.

I'm picturing the husband retuning from work, unaware of the drive-date that's currently in progress, flinging his car on to the drive, toys go crashing everywhere and children running for their lives, a mug of tea gets smashed to pieces while blanket adorned women jump out of their camp chairs and dive towards the wheelie bins. And the husband after slamming on the brakes, is just sitting there staring out from behind the windshield, trying to work out what the fuck is going on on his driveway. I'm sure none of this actually happened but the image of it is all I can see since op said they "were out there when dh got home from work" 😅.

Did neither ask to use the loo

What would have done OP? Bring out a bucket?

This thread is unintentionally hilarious! Imagine the neighbours and passersby faces as they see two adults in blankets on the drive ( I would have assumed someone had managed to lock themselves out I think)

OP I'm sorry I think you were rude- I agree shouldn't have knocked but you still beat her in the rudeness stakes.

You don't like people in your home, which is ok but seems quite extreme in your case. Does your DH ever have friends around? I agree you may need to work on this for your DCs sakes.

I cant even put this into words.

I am a huge believer in if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all... so in saying that ..

YABVU wow

Where I live in France you'd be the talk of the town and not in a good way.

I don’t even care if this is real or not, I’ve really enjoyed it! 60p

Do your children ever have friends round ? Who do you actually allow into your house ?

That was rude. Really rude and odd. Either tell her you’re not available/ busy or let her in!

Weird!
If this is true ...... I bet your neighbours have a right giggle at you!