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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/04/2019 05:38

I can't believe this thread. OP, your behaviour was very weird and unkind. I imagine half the school now know you hosted on your drive. With blankets...

YABVVU. Though I don't expect you'll take any notice.

Stopyourhavering64 · 28/04/2019 05:44

Well this is a revelation! How old is your dc and are they allowed any friends over to play?...be careful or they won't have any friends at this rate

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 28/04/2019 06:20

I think she put you on the spot turning up..who doesnt text first to ask if it is ok to call round?If she hasnt got your phone number then shes obviously not classed as a friend...you were slightly rude but I think you just handled it badly...I would have been more direct saying I am sorry this isnt a good time but we can arrange something at a later date if you had wanted to!! You really should let it go though OP you didnt kill anyone!!!!! However saying all that I would be questioning why she is making a point of confiding in your husband about how she felt after her visit....what was she hoping to achieve by doing that?It was nothing to do with him...she came to let the kids play....I hate this kind of divide and conquer method used by outsiders to interfere in a marriage...It is her that has caused this upset between you and your DH...and that is very questionable...her motives were to cause a row and she did....I would be keeping a close eye on her OP...however you handled it she shouldnt have involved your husband....

strawberrisc · 28/04/2019 06:22

OP you’re my hero! All “popped round for an uninvited coffee” people should be rounded up and dropped onto Planet Driveway!

BertrandRussell · 28/04/2019 06:28

Well, on a forum where a praise postcard from school was seriously described as an “invasion through the letterbox” I suppose this is perfectly normal behaviour. In real life-not so much.

LuckyLou7 · 28/04/2019 06:34

I don't know anyone who would be this rude to visitors.
If she was a passing stranger, it would be different, but you know this woman and your DC play together.
What on earth is so precious about your house that you won't allow visitors to cross the threshold?

WhoAmIToTellYou · 28/04/2019 06:43

You was very rude.
You need to have a few polite sentences up your sleeve for when offers like that are inconvenient.
Unless of course you are totally comfortable with having reputation if being rude and batshit.
Do you want your kids to have friends or you’re just not bothered.

Perhaps you should apologise to the woman and tell her you had a particularly bad day/the house had a damp smell problem or something else and hence you could not invite her in.
And dont do this again...

UCOinanOCG · 28/04/2019 06:48

It is definitely you OP not your friend. She isn't some random. You know her. However I rather suspect she isn't going to remain friendly with you. You will end up cutting your self off from everyone you know and your DC will suffer socially.

vinegarqueen · 28/04/2019 06:50

I really want to know what's wrong with your house, OP. A slightly less socially-challenged way to deal with this would have been a)”sorry, now isn't a good time” and wave her off, or b) ”we were just about to go for a coffee/to the playground/a walk - want to come?”

As it was she probably felt trapped and that she then had to stay on your driveway so that she didn't look like she was rejecting your ”hospitality” as you'd given her no way to politely get out of it.

SnapesGreasyHair · 28/04/2019 06:51

Who do you allow into your home?

Time4change2018 · 28/04/2019 06:54

Hat's off to you OP. Wish I had the balls to say no to people or host them on my drive. For too many years people have 'popped in. I hate it ! I don't answer the door now unless I am expecting someone

Boysey45 · 28/04/2019 06:55

Yes rude and weird, if you didn't want them there you should have just said it wasn't convenient. She will tell people now and they will think you are odd. Try to treat people how you want to be treated OP, not like that.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 28/04/2019 06:55

I kind of admire your gumption.

MN is constantly telling people to stick to their boundaries and that's what you did.

lljkk · 28/04/2019 06:56

I am not sure if I would knock unannounced... maybe, since can't say I never have.

I would initially assume your house was a tip & you couldn't cope with visitors seeing the mess. Lots of people live in hidden squalor. I suppose later on reflection I'd assume you have the classic English deficiency in assertiveness & were as a consequence seething with late resentment at me.

Isn't it nice that your son is popular?

Nannewnannew · 28/04/2019 06:57

Be careful for what you wish for OP. For years, a relative of mine made it very, very clear that unannounced visitors were not welcome, even her own children and grandchildren. Years later, now she’s living on her own, she can’t understand why family rarely visit?

Personally, I’m not a fan of unannounced visitors but I certainly wouldn’t have behaved like you did OP. But at least you won’t be bothered by this woman again! So rude!

SillyLittleBiscuit · 28/04/2019 06:58

Did neither ask to use the loo? Couldn’t see if this had already been asked.

Springwalk · 28/04/2019 06:59

To fair to you op, you made it very clear to her in the past that you don't like visitors, and then she takes it upon herself to turn up unannounced.

Yes it is rude to make her sit outside, but it was rude of her to turn up unannounced as well.

Next time, just say you are going out/busy etc if she turns up again. Allowing to sit in your driveway was the worst of all worlds for everyone.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 28/04/2019 07:00

Did you sit with her?

TokyoSushi · 28/04/2019 07:01

Oh OP! This thread is unintentionally hilarious!

Sitting on the driveway, the blankets, the drizzle, the 60p!!

If you don't want people in your home thats 100% your choice, at least you don't leave people under and illusion that's the case!

youknowmedontyou · 28/04/2019 07:03

What would've happened if she asked to use the loo?

YADBU!

derxa · 28/04/2019 07:03

totally crazy

AllStar14 · 28/04/2019 07:07

Wow ywvvvvu! I think the issue is why you don't want a friend coming over for a coffee. Like, ever. That's weird. Really weird. Even your DH thinks so by the sounds of it.

Puddingmama2017 · 28/04/2019 07:10

Blimey, I hate people on my house and I would’ve just said we were off out or something.

Yes it was rude to just turn up, but you were unforgivably ruder and I wouldn’t want my child associating with yours. I wouldn’t want to associate with you either, what a horrible person you must be. What if someone knocked at your door and desperately needed help, would you throw a blanket out to keep them toasty while they were attacked on your drive?

Your poor child will live a very lonely life with a mum who turns her friends away at the door. Hmm

Puddingmama2017 · 28/04/2019 07:11

Is your DH allowed people in? I hope he takes over making sure your DC has the chance to have friends round and enjoy the experience.

Veterinari · 28/04/2019 07:13

I don’t have an issue with the children being friends, I just don’t want randoms in my home

I don’t think you’ll need to worry about dealing with your children’s friends for much longer