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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
midsummabreak · 28/04/2019 03:59

Maybe the mum was desperate for a kind soul to share a few moments of adult company?

perhaps the children couldnt care less if it was driveway venue for impromptu catch up but for an adult to be treated this way , rather than invite in saying you only have 20 mins but welcome to come in for a quick drink, I would suspect that you had something you wanted to hide, such as a hoarding problem or as others said, a dead body inside.

Snakelight · 28/04/2019 04:10

Geez, I hate unannounced visitors too, because I'm a slob, but worst case I ask them to give me 5 or 10 minutes to make the place presentable.

You should either have invited her in or told her it was a bad time. Your behaviour is just so, so bizarre. Of course your husband was mortified.

And geez, giving someone 60p on one occasion is inconsequential.

AgentProvocateur · 28/04/2019 04:17

Completely bizarre. And well on the way to ensuring that your child will be as devoid of friends as you are.

Faithless12 · 28/04/2019 04:21

Yabu and rude. She didn’t invite her inside your house as you put it. She knocked on the off chance your child was free so her child could play. It sounds like she has tried to organise a play date for the children, why not engage in the process if the children get on. The fact your DH was mortified says it all tbh why is it only your feelings that are valid?

isabellerossignol · 28/04/2019 04:27

What I always wonder when I read threads where people say they never let anyone into their home is how the person ever got to form a relationship with someone. Or form friendships. I can understand not liking unannounced visitors, and I can understand not wanting strangers in the house (even though neither particularly bothers me personally) but not wanting anyone in your home must make relationships with other people very difficult to establish.

frazzledasarock · 28/04/2019 04:30

I’d or probably shocked into letting her in and then sit with her inwardly annoyed at her turning up at my door unannounced (and unwanted).

Wonder if she’ll try turning up again?

You both sound crazy.

Yoursilentface · 28/04/2019 04:35

Is your house really messy or something.

What I don't understand is someone who would be so mean and weird and not understand why, has people knocking on their door to be their friend; yet lots of perfectly nice welcoming people (me included) struggle to find friends.

DistanceCall · 28/04/2019 04:39

Do you keep dead bodies in the living room or something?

You are being extremely weird.

I just don’t want randoms in my home.

This was someone who brought her child to play with yours. And it's NORMAL to let people, even strangers (like the postman, the delivery man, etc.), in for a bit. Your home is not a government secret operations site.

Your child is going to be known as "X with the weird mum" - hope you realise it.

MarchSurprise · 28/04/2019 04:41

I think it's safe to say all the parents in the school playground will be discussing what they think you're hiding behind closed doors come Monday morning...

echt · 28/04/2019 04:42

OP, your visitor was out of order.

But you were colossally rude. Either send them away or invite them in.

ReadMyLipss · 28/04/2019 04:43

I just don’t want people in my home. I don’t see what’s wrong wrong with that.

See, I think this is the main issue here, because I really don't think that's a normal attitude.

mouldyhousemouldylife · 28/04/2019 04:46

You gave her 60p? What a fucking hero!

OP yabvu and... Weird. Absolutely weird.

And I don't like visitors.

Illberidingshotgun · 28/04/2019 04:50

How old are your DC?

Hypothetically, what would have happened if you had invited them in? How would that have felt to you? I can understand the panic if your house is dirty /messy, but if she genuinely liked you and wanted to be friends, she wouldn't care.
.
It sounds like you know this woman reasonably well, so she certainly isn't a "random". The people you do invite into your home, close friends, presumably, how have you built these friendships in order for them to feel "safe" enough to invite round for a coffee or a meal?

Of course you have every right to refuse anybody you wish entry to your home, but if you want to continue this relationship, and if you value the time you spend with her, then I think you need to be honest about how anxious uninvited visitors make you, and make alternative suggestions. How would you feel if she had knocked on your door and suggested that you all went for a walk or to the park?

My concern would be for your DC, if they are very they will largely be learning their social skills from you and your DH at present. They will also be wanting to invite friends round after school, perhaps arranged at the last minute. They will need to meet up with friends during the holidays - fair enough this can be done in public places, but this can be more effort (and weather dependent).

What happens when your DC are teenagers and they bring friends round? Want to introduce a BF/GF to you?

Dieu · 28/04/2019 04:50

A strange set-up indeed. YWBU.

Dieu · 28/04/2019 04:53

I really hope your child grows up with social opportunities. It's very odd when parents never have others round to play.
Why did you keep putting this woman off, the other times she tried to initiate meeting up? Is she really so unlikeable? Confused

Dieu · 28/04/2019 05:01

Have just read the whole thread. Batshit crazy, honestly.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 28/04/2019 05:02

Have you been round to her house? To be honest I think you are both being unreasonable. If it happens again then either make an excuse and send her on her way or say yes, let's go to the park/ soft play, will just grab our coats. I personally would invite her in but I appreciate that you don't want to do that.

Yousicktwistedfruit · 28/04/2019 05:03

Op you really truly believe that she’s the one who lacks social skills wow your fucking insane think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror no matter how many excuses you come up with to try and explain away your odd behaviour it won’t change the fact that YABMU and down right rude. I feel sorry for your DC they will end up with no friends because of your weird behaviour seriously stop embarrassing your husband and poor child.

Ihatehashtags · 28/04/2019 05:16

@iwantmyhatback I suggest you go around and hang out with OP. Sounds like you’d get on.

CurtainsOpen · 28/04/2019 05:16

Absolutely batshit

RebootYourEngine · 28/04/2019 05:25

Why aren't you answering the question a lot of people have asked, why don't you like people in your house? I don't think I would class this woman as a random person.

monal · 28/04/2019 05:26

The thing is that all these times she’s mentioned coming for a coffee, and you’ve said you don’t like unannounced visits, the usual thing would have been for you to eventually arrange that visit. Or if you loathe having people in your house that much, arrange a coffee out/ playdate in a park or something. She wants to be friends ! Maybe you don’t and that’s ok but it’s often quite nice to get along with other school mums without you having to be besties or anything.

GreenDragon75 · 28/04/2019 05:30

Wow - incredibly rude behaviour. Do you have any friends at all op? Yes she shouldn’t have just turned up but it sounds like she was just trying to be friendly and encourage some sort of friendship between your children.
I can’t believe you made her sit outside in the cold and rain. Just odd.

Tillygetsit · 28/04/2019 05:37

Is this thread real? I'm hoping not because I'm mortified by your behaviour, never mind your DH. This made very interesting reading!

hellodarkness · 28/04/2019 05:37

Did she really just make a special trip to your house, like drive over expecting to come in for coffee and a play?

Or was it more 'we were just walking past and though we'd say hello'?

The first is actually quite rude, the second is entirely normal. But, in either scenario, you were spectacularly awkward and rude. Why not just say it was a bad time? I can't even imagine how you go about fetching chairs, drinks, toys and blankets outside without stopping and realising it's a lot less hassle to just bring the person inside.

Why don't you allow people in your house?

Why do you describe her as an acquaintance and as a random when you have met her at soft play and your children are friends?

Your poor children, your poor mortified husband.

If she is a nice, sociable person with other friends, perhaps she is being kind by reaching out to you, if you appear rather friendless and odd?