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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
EdWinchester · 28/04/2019 13:21

Other people don’t belong in my home, they should be in their own home or elsewhere

What the heck? This is so odd.

Do you have friends? Do you not worry how this crazy attitude is going to impact your children?

Roussette · 28/04/2019 13:22

BingandFlop2019
I didn't confront her as much as I should've done. I turned up and DD was sat at a wooden picnic table on the side of the house in the drizzle.

I said 'what on earth are you doing sat there?' DD said ....CF has said you wouldn't be long and to sit here and wait for you. I decided to take DD and not even ring doorbell. Pathetic I know, I should've given her a piece of my mind.

The two girls friendship carried on but I said No to every time the mother asked for a particular favour.

Even now all these years later, she is desperate to be best buddies but I keep my distance. (There's been other incidents too which I won't go into, I have to mix with her from time to time but don't get friendly, I think it must really frustrate her!)

Roussette · 28/04/2019 13:27

Donkey sigh...
What you describe with your teens is lovely. I had that with mine. I would tear my hair out in frustration occasionally with them all round here, but now they've flown the nest, I look back on those times with such fond memories.

DonkeyHohtay · 28/04/2019 13:38

It's also much easier with teenagers than it is with younger kids. No squabbles, they can entertain themselves, get their own snacks. Especially with the girls. We've always been fairly chilled out about people visiting, and about our kids going to spend time with friends. My parents were the same with me, as were DH's parents with him.

Which is perhaps why the whole "no visitors ever and never hosting playdates at home" is so downright WEIRD to me.

amandacarnet · 28/04/2019 13:41

I don't understand posters who can not see that the op humiliated this woman. If you drop in to someone's house you expect either to be invited in, or turned away. Instead this woman was invited to sit in the driveway and chat to the op, while it was perfectly clear she was unwanted. That sounds excruciating to me.
I am not saying the op did it on purpose, but she did humiliate her.

IvanaPee · 28/04/2019 13:45

She didn’t have to stay though!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 28/04/2019 13:46

Well I like you OP Grin You're one of the more relatable people I've encountered on here, though I wouldn't have had the guts to do it myself.

BingandFlop2019 · 28/04/2019 13:47

My DD's parents are like this! When I first met his DM (I was pregnant with their grandchild by this point as due to their weird behaviour, I'd never met them previously!) she came out of the house and gave me a hug! Quick chat and of course, was not invited in, despite having just driven 70 miles and was desperate for a wee! I had to go find a supermarket to use the toilet! I've never been allowed in since. Neither is their granddaughter!

BingandFlop2019 · 28/04/2019 13:50

@Roussette Please, please call her out on it. Regardless of it being decades ago, she should be made to feel shit for what she did. That was almost child abuse. Make it clear to her WHY you won't be 'buddies' with such a sociopath!

BingandFlop2019 · 28/04/2019 13:50

*Grandparents 🤦🏼‍♀️

Crazycrazylady · 28/04/2019 13:51

Omg incredibly weird. I like prior notice of visitors too but to make her sit outside. Incredibly odd by most people standards.. I would assume you had anxiety or ocd etc if I heard that about you.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 13:52

My mum told me she doesn't like guests. She doesn't like them because too much work around them. She is so stressed about having guests. When I was a child a never had playdates in side of our house. It was always outdoors but then it was normal for the children to play outdoor games unlike now.

AvengersAssemble · 28/04/2019 13:54

I wonder if Santa has to leave the presents on the Driveway because OP does not want him in the house !😂😂

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 28/04/2019 13:54

One of my DCs friend’s mum is like the OP. No-one (including kids who are friends of the DC) has ever been in her house - she made it clear that she doesn’t like guests (including kids in play dates/sleepovers). Mum is also reluctant to spend time in our houses. Across the 12 years I have known her and her DCs I can confirm that it most definitely HAS negatively affected the number of friends the DC have. I couldn’t give a shit (horses for courses, and her DC are absolutely lovely), but plenty of other families have judged over the years and the kids have been affected by it. HTH.

Roussette · 28/04/2019 13:57

BingandFlop You're probably right. At the moment I have little to do with her but we have a Ball coming up in June... I don't know yet if she's going, if she is and I have inevitably a few drinks I might be a bit verbal! I do take solace from the fact she is not a popular person, she upsets lots of ppl!

lboogy · 28/04/2019 14:00

I. Can't. Even. Where is they Viola Davjs gif when you need it. 😂

I hate unannounced visitors. I never open the door unless you're expected. But if I've been spotted inside the house then I'd make an excuse about going out and say I'll get back to them about another visit. You're extremely weird

MiniMum97 · 28/04/2019 14:05

You wee incredibly rude. If it was t convenient you should have made excuse and rearranged for another time. I am not a fan of impromptu visitors but would never make someone feel so unwelcome as to make them sit outside on the drive. Weird and rude.

amandacarnet · 28/04/2019 14:06

Ivanapee, it is extremely rude to say, oh I don't like the way you are hosting so I will not stay then. The woman was being polite and was probably glad when it started raining as it gave her an excuse to go.

Acis · 28/04/2019 14:09

Humiliated her by sitting outside? Why is that humiliating?

How hard can this be to work out? They were awkwardly sitting out on the driveway where the car and bins are kept, and when it got cold OP brought blankets out rather than letting them in the house. She wouldn't even let them in when it started raining.

How often do you walk up a street and see groups of people perched on chairs entertaining guests wrapped up in blankets on their front driveways?

DistanceCall · 28/04/2019 14:09

Other people don’t belong in my home, they should be in their own home or elsewhere. I’m sure many others feel the same, it’s nothing requiring professional assistance.

Yes. It does. It's seriously abnormal - the home is your sanctuary, but it's also the place where you are hospitable to the people you love and like.

So your children won't be able to invite friends over as they grow up? Do you think other people will contaminate your home or something?

IvanaPee · 28/04/2019 14:13

Ivanapee, it is extremely rude to say, oh I don't like the way you are hosting so I will not stay then. The woman was being polite and was probably glad when it started raining as it gave her an excuse to go.

It’s mad to me that if someone treated you rudely, you’d still feel like you had to be uncomfortable for the sake of politeness.

Anyway, I’m sure there was ample time to say “oh don’t worry about it, we’ll do it another time” when OP said they couldn’t come in or use the back garden.

Very easy to say “you’ve obviously got stuff going on, just called on the off chance. See you next week” or whatever.

DistanceCall · 28/04/2019 14:13

And yes, you are also supposed to be at least polite to strangers.

It's perfectly acceptable to say "sorry, this is a bad time - perhaps we can meet in a café some day and catch up?" (even if you have no intention of doing that) - but you really don't make them sit in the driveway. It's transparently obvious that you didn't want to let them in the house, which, unless you are painting or having work done or something like that, is very insulting.

agirlhasnonameX · 28/04/2019 14:34

The woman was being polite by staying anyway? Yet she didn't seem to show any manners in showing up in the first place when she had already been told OP didn't want visitors?

Bluntness100 · 28/04/2019 14:42

Honestly. Just when you think mumsnet can't get any weirder this comes along.

Op normal behaviour is either say, oh I'd love to but I can't today. I'm busy. But will contact you to sort out something in thr future,..or sure come in, let's have a coffee.

Sitting in your driveway is one of the oddest things ever. To the extent I Hope this isn't real.

Whatever it is, can you articulate why you won't allow people in your home?

MoreCookiesPlease · 28/04/2019 14:45

OP, what is the reason that you don't like people in your house? Do you feel that they might judge you? They might bring in germs? I just want to understand why you have such a hardline stance on having people in your home.

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