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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 28/04/2019 10:20

That was a really bizarre thing for you to do, OP!

I hate people just turning up and think it’s really rude, but I would have said, sorry, now wasn’t convenient!

poglets · 28/04/2019 10:20

Wouldn't it have been so much easier to have had the courage to say 'now isn't a good time, sorry'?

It seems odd to keep people outside, bring blankets when it was cold rather than let people be warm inside. You put yourself in a position of looking extremely rude and unwelcoming. Just say no and make an arrangement that works for you.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/04/2019 10:21

Dont people sit in the front garden anymore?

Yes they do. The OP made visitors sit on her drive though, not the garden.

Holidayshopping · 28/04/2019 10:22

Dont people sit in the front garden anymore

I don’t think they ever did round here!

We have a drive, not a front garden-we don’t sit on it!

MsTSwift · 28/04/2019 10:23

Also Easter weekend aside it’s pretty chilly!

canveyisland · 28/04/2019 10:24

Issue another invitation of a kind that you can cope with before you become the local bonkers lady, OP.

RestingBitchFaced · 28/04/2019 10:26

I was about to say you were unreasonable, until you mentioned you have her 60p once, as she was short Hmm

Helplessfeeling · 28/04/2019 10:26

I am also wondering about the DHs role in this? Did he ask the woman to pop round, maybe he is worried that the DC don't have friends round and wanted to set something up.

I don't like unexpected guests either OP but I would have invited her in in this instance.

timeisnotaline · 28/04/2019 10:27

bridgetreilly makes a very mature suggestion op re contacting her and whatto say. You should do that.

RestingBitchFaced · 28/04/2019 10:27

*gave not have

EyeDrops · 28/04/2019 10:27

Is it just that you don't want her at your house, or that you don't want to be friends at all?? You mention she's suggested a coffee & catch up a few times - have you suggested that'd be nice out at a neutral place, or just that she's not welcome at yours?

Either way I just find that really sad. Poor woman.

Singlenotsingle · 28/04/2019 10:29

I don't know about fissionchips, you seem a very strange fish! Keeping them outside in the cold, taking blankets out, and not inviting them in even when it started to rain? Shock The poor woman probably went home quite depressed! She obviously wants to be friends with you.

ItWentInMyEye · 28/04/2019 10:33

If you genuinely made it as clear to her as you're saying that you don't like people in your home then YANBU

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 10:35

Seems most think IWBU, I can accept that.

I honestly was not trying to be unkind towards her, I thought the driveway was a good compromise between allowing her inside the house and telling her to go away. She didn’t appear to be upset at the time.

No bodies, I just don’t like people in my home.

Child is fine, has plenty of friends and attends many clubs and sporting activities.

OP posts:
BettysLeftTentacle · 28/04/2019 10:37

Jesus Christ..... I read this last night before going to bed and couldn’t process the batshittery, so here I am this morning, still unable to process the batshittery.

60p?!?!

Original poster
FissionChips · 28/04/2019 10:37

I have met up with her at other places so the children can play, why does she need to come to my home?

And no, I don’t go inviting myself to other peoples houses, that would be weird.

OP posts:
NomNomNomNom · 28/04/2019 10:37

OP if this is real I do think you need to seek therapy for your issues with letting people into your home. Your current solution make work in the short term (apart from hosting people on your driveway which is obviously not OK) but when DS gets older he'll have friends he wants to have back, he'll eventually have a girlfriend/boyfriend. When he's at uni he may want to have friends from other parts of the country to visit. Likewise your husband may want to socialise in his own home.

Roussette · 28/04/2019 10:38

I know someone who doesn't like people (randoms?) in her house. When our DDs were younger, they were v friendly. Her DD was forever coming to our house, playing with my DD, even eating here. I helped out this Mum many a time over years.

One day I was stuck on the motorway and couldn't get back for DD. for the first time ever I rang this Mum and said could she have my DD till I could get there.

I kid you not when I say she made her sit in the garden whilst her and her DD were indoors, till I got there. And it started to rain.

That was the last time I helped her out.

Singlenotsingle · 28/04/2019 10:38

This is a joke, isn't it?

BettysLeftTentacle · 28/04/2019 10:41

i get where you’re coming from FissionChips but it was really offensive.

HeyThereDelilah1 · 28/04/2019 10:42

I wish I had the courage to do this to my in laws who turn up hours early peering through the letterbox whilst I’m cleaning for their arrival Grin! But in all seriousness for your child’s sake, grin and bear it and let them into play or say you’ve got plans and it doesn’t work but let’s meet at this play centre etc another time. Is your DH keen to be able to have people visiting?

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 10:42

Roussette, what a cunt that woman is. Disgusting.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 10:47

I also find some parents strange who can't give some food or snack to the other child if invited for a playdate after school. I always give something to eat to the other child (children). Yet, some invite after school and don't offer anything keeping their and my child hungry.

JellyBabied · 28/04/2019 10:48

I have autism, anxiety(and other issues) and I detest unexpected visitors but the way you handled it was staggeringly rude. You should have said sorry, now isn't a good time or invited them in for a brief visit.

For those who asked about people with anxiety visiting other people's homes, I actively avoid it. I can't relax in their home and much prefer to meet in a neutral place. I don't like drinking tea or coffee in other people's homes either, so I certainly don't stuff my face on the rare occasions when I do.

PCohle · 28/04/2019 10:48

I think you were well intentioned but making someone sit outside on the drive is much ruder than a breezy "I'm terribly sorry right now isn't a great time, why don't we set up a play date for next week? We'll chat about it at school. Byeee"

Your unwillingness to have people in your home are fairly unusual OP. Are you dealing with MH issues?

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