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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
LordPickle · 28/04/2019 09:56

This is one of the most cringeworthy, bonkers and hilarious threads I've ever read. 😂

It is so awkward that it must be true.

The 60p really is the icing on the batshit crazy cake. Who remembers this sort of thing? It would be different if you gave her £20 or something worth mentioning, but to bring up 60p as though that strengthens your argument is expert level bonkers.

Thank you OP. Grin

Butchyrestingface · 28/04/2019 09:58

The 60p really is the icing on the batshit crazy cake. Who remembers this sort of thing? It would be different if you gave her £20 or something worth mentioning, but to bring up 60p as though that strengthens your argument is expert level bonkers.

It might have been during the war. 60p was worth a lot more back in ‘42 wot with inflation and all that.

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 09:59

are you surrounded by CHAOS, cant have anyone over?
in which case i dont blame you.
you are a private person
i dont blame you

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 09:59

op she sounds annoying and pushy and frankly nosy

Boulezvous · 28/04/2019 10:01

Oh my.

I'd rather be kind and polite myself.

TessaL23 · 28/04/2019 10:02

You sound like a real treat lol. I would love it if someone dropped by for a visit.

Ginseng1 · 28/04/2019 10:02

If this is real then it's crazy & rude behaviour from you.

llangennith · 28/04/2019 10:05

Only got as far as this comment from the OP before crackingbup😂Unbelievable!

Perhaps she is lacking social skills, it would explain her behaviour.

Sockworkshop · 28/04/2019 10:05

Quite frankly most days I dont give a shiny shit if I dont see anyone.
Its bliss !Grin
However when my DC were little I realised I had to make an effort talk shite
Something is quite odd here -why is she telling your DH she felt down.
Yes it was PA to sit her on the drive,just say its not convenient.
Why did she sit there still after you made it clear she,wasnt welcome and speak to your DH Confused

Candleglow7475 · 28/04/2019 10:06

I wonder what time of day this was ? I have a vision of it getting slightly dark and drizzley as it’s cold enough for a blanket and OP resolutely not letting the unwelcome visitor in.
I feel sorry for your DS- my own mum had a rule of no friends in the house, goodness knows why, but it was just sooooo weird, and I still don’t understand it to this day. Friends wanting to play are s good thing!! Please don’t be that weird parent.

Qweenbee · 28/04/2019 10:06

Dh might have bumped into her in the aftermarket and apologised to her if he was "mortified". That might have prompted her "down" comment.

She shouldnt have turned up unannounced, especially given you'd already told her you don't like it, but she did.

But the normal responses
A. Send her away politely
B. Host her normally and be annoyed about it, but do your best to host politely.

What you did was strange and rather out of the box which is why posters are slating you, however it's rather mean of them because it's obvious that you have an issue that you might need help with. Either help in feeling able to assert your boundaries and sending her away or help in overcoming your feelings in the future in order to help your dc with their friendships, and maybe even your friendships.

TapasForTwo · 28/04/2019 10:06

Those without an anxiety disorder & mh issues who don't like visitors, do you visit other people's homes? I know several people who don't like to host (they don't have medical issues) but happily go round eating & drinking other people's food & drink. Which I think is cheeky fuckery of the highest degree imo.

I wondered that as well. If you don't like visitors why not put a "no cold callers" sign on the door?

Bluewall · 28/04/2019 10:07

I would hate someone to turn up uninvited to my house and if it was a day when it was a mess I wouldn't want them coming in and then telling other people my house was a mess. Also people saying why didn't you arrange to meet another day what if she didn't want to meet another day ? Then you have to keep coming up with excuses when they try to arrange.

I am assuming OP would have let the kids play in the back garden if it hadn't been out of action and possibly she said this O sorry the back garden is getting work done but we could put the toys out here.

Hopefully the random person has got the message now that SHE was making the OP uncomfortable.
She invaded the OPs space and clearly can't take a hint. I have a friend who wants to live in her friends pockets but I prefer to do things mostly with my own family and like our space to be our own !

sockatoe · 28/04/2019 10:09

Uninvited guests can be annoying. But this woman sees you regularly, has met up with you at softplay, so perhaps considers you a friend, or someone she would like to become a friend. She wanted to catch up. For me, this is either reaching out for friendship or help, whichever it was, she made an effort. And you turned her down. I hope she doesn't lose confidence to reach out to someone else, who will care enough to find out which.

HappydaysArehere · 28/04/2019 10:10

Sounds really odd. If you want friends and when I had youngsters at at home I welcomed socialising with other mums you have to make an effort. Putting things out in the front seems to be unnecessarily time wasting unless it was a lovely day and you asked if she would like to sit there. Do you have other friends?

Everydaypeople · 28/04/2019 10:10

Just don’t open your door if you aren’t expecting anyone or just say it’s not convenient but it is weird af sitting on your driveway

Starlight456 · 28/04/2019 10:13

I am waiting for answers on do your children never have anyone over to play ?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/04/2019 10:13

I feel so sorry for this woman, her child, your child and your dh.

How embarrassing for all involved.

I honestly thought this was a wind up till I seen your name.

NorthernKnickers · 28/04/2019 10:14

OP...I am a classic introvert and truly, truly hate unannounced visitors. But even by my standards your behaviour is, quite frankly, beyond rude! And bloody weird!!!!

The fact that you don't see that makes it even more bizarre!

Nothing at all wrong with disliking unexpected visitors...EVERYTHING wrong making them sit on your fucking driveway 😱. I'm embarrassed for you. 😳

Why on Earth didn't you just say it was a bad time...or just lie and say you were just about to go out? Anything other than behave like a complete crazy person 🤦‍♀️

MsTSwift · 28/04/2019 10:14

No wonder there is a loneliness epidemic in this country if you make overtures of friendships to your child’s friends parents and are made to sit on a driveway!

Langrish · 28/04/2019 10:14

I don’t appreciate unexpected visitors either but would just make an excuse, sorry we’re off out shortly, can we make it another time? sort of thing.
It’s a bit much, her feeling put out after turning up unannounced.

pudcat · 28/04/2019 10:14

I can understand the OP. The visitor could have rung first to see if convenient. I hate having people (family excepted) in my house and do not like going to others either. But I would have just said that it was not a convenient time and would see her at school.

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 10:14

you are the rude one starlight

Catchingbentcoppers · 28/04/2019 10:15

I don’t have an issue with the children being friends, I just don’t want randoms in my home.

@FissionChips. Then you should have said 'sorry, it's not convenient' and left it at that. Not treated her like shit and made her sit in the garden. Mind you, she's off her head for doing it at all.

I hate people turning up unannounced (though happy to have people here if it's been arranged) but if they do and it doesn't suit, I say so politely.

If you think this is normal behaviour, you're wrong, it's not. No wonder your DH was mortified.

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 10:15

Dont people sit in the front garden anymore?

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