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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 28/04/2019 09:32

OP do you accept hospitality from other people? As in do you ever visit other people at their homes or must all social contact be in public venues only?

mummymayhem18 · 28/04/2019 09:34

Very bizarre behaviour from you OP but I imagine it's not genuine.I mean you would just say "sorry it's not convenient " . Very rude and I feel very sorry for your child as he will be known as " the child with the rude/weird mum" and no one will want to go to his house once word gets around.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 09:35

What the big deal with sitting on the driveway? Why does sitting in a garden make it any different?

It would look more polite, more welcoming.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 28/04/2019 09:35

I don’t think she’ll bother you again OP.

Boysey45 · 28/04/2019 09:35

I don't think its rude just turning up, she might have been passing.All someone has to say is that they are too busy at the moment or going out etc, if they cant be bothered. Its no big deal.

EdWinchester · 28/04/2019 09:36

Did this really happen? Sorry, but that is completely weird.

You might not like unexpected guests, but sometimes you will just have to accept them.

Making everyone stay on the drive is just beyond peculiar. You'd be lucky if this has not been shared by the woman in question with other school mums.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 09:39

What if you lived in an apartment?

ShirleyPhallus · 28/04/2019 09:40

@dontvisitme I have a 12 year old who has never once asked for friends round, or been to someone else's house. It's not really done here.

Are you sure about that? A friend of mine from work had a very similar upbringing to this and she feels very sad about not having the opportunity to socialise with other children at that age.

Kab30 · 28/04/2019 09:41

This has got to be a joke right......what on earth!!!! You do things for your children....grow up life is too precious and short ...xx

gamerwidow · 28/04/2019 09:42

What you did was a bit rude but sometimes people need rude otherwise they keep pushing the boundaries.
I would not turn up at the house of an acquaintance uninvited especially not with children involved.
She knew it would be hard for you to tell her to go away once the children saw each other and was banking on you feeling guilt tripped into letting her in. You tried to find a compromise to keep the kids happy but really if this woman was uncomfortable then that’s her own fault. She won’t make the mistake again. Good!

gamerwidow · 28/04/2019 09:43

You might not like unexpected guests, but sometimes you will just have to accept them.
You really don’t. More like sometimes you have to accept that if people haven’t invited you somewhere then that means you can’t go!!

gamerwidow · 28/04/2019 09:45

Fwiw I like guests and next doors kids practically live in my house but I wouldn’t dream of just pitching up at someone’s door unasked.

DontVisitMe · 28/04/2019 09:45

@ShirleyPhallus Where did I say she doesn't socialise with other children? Considering she is at hobbies with other children most of the day Saturday, two evenings a week and spends an hour and a half on the days she isn't playing console games online with...her friends and she attends parties, the odd playdate and sees family every Sunday, I think her socialisation is just fine Hmm

We don't live somewhere that children "play out" or pop in to other houses. We are rural and it just doesn't happen.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 09:46

I don't like uninvited guests mainly because I like when it's tidy and when there's some food or snack for the guests. Spontaneous visits is a no for me. However, if someone did turn up unannounced then I wouldn't make them sit on the driveway. Of the weather was nice then the back garden would be fine. I would of course join them. Nothing wrong with playing in the back garden. As long as it's weather permitting (w.g. warm and not raining).

DontVisitMe · 28/04/2019 09:46

You might not like unexpected guests, but sometimes you will just have to accept them

Nope. Literally don't have to do anything that I don't want to do, or that is likely to make me ill. Certainly don't have to accept unexpected guests.

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 09:47

she sounds annoying, saying she felt a bit down after the visit

Moorfields · 28/04/2019 09:47

Those without an anxiety disorder & mh issues who don't like visitors, do you visit other people's homes? I know several people who don't like to host (they don't have medical issues) but happily go round eating & drinking other people's food & drink. Which I think is cheeky fuckery of the highest degree imo.

Margot33 · 28/04/2019 09:48

I think you've now achieved what you wanted. She will never visit again and will tell all the other mums not to visit. Which is what you wanted. I couldnt have done that as its rude, especially when it started to rain. Serious question: why don't you want your child to have friends at home?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/04/2019 09:52

I have never in my life seen people sat on a driveway.

You were awful. She was just trying to make friends. Would it have killed you to invite them in for an hour?

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 09:53

where i used to live on an estate, people would sit in their front gardens.
is this any different?
the dc were playing in the front garden.
op said the back garden wasnt available.

EleanorReally · 28/04/2019 09:53

in fact there was a thread about it and plenty piled in came on to say they sat in their front gardens and it was totally normal behaviour.

Nameusernameuser · 28/04/2019 09:54

I don't even know what to say! OP you were really odd, this isn't normal, you should have either sent her packing or let her in. Sitting on the drive Grin amazing Grin

Butchyrestingface · 28/04/2019 09:54

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside

Based on that alone, she was being unreasonable. Wild horses wouldn’t have dragged me within a million miles of your front door after being told that.

What about your husband and kids? Do they get to like having visitors round? How do you cope then?

HugoBearsMummy · 28/04/2019 09:54

Good manners would be not inviting yourself to a persons house when it’s been made clear that you wouldn’t be welcome.

Fuck me! You've been to play centres before and met up with the children previously but have told this poor woman she would not be welcome at your house for a play date?! Don't buy it. There's no way you have made that clear to her in those such words.
And you were incredibly rude making her sitting out on the DRIVE of all places? Who the fuck actually does that? I'm the most antisocial person going and detest unannounced visitors but I would never ever treat someone how you did. And your husband has every right to be mortified, he prob thinks you're a complete nut case!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/04/2019 09:56

I'd have been mortified if I were your DH and apologised profusely.

She will likely never come back, tell everyone what happened and the person that suffers in situations like this is the child. I don't know one who doesn't love having friends over, it's part of childhood.

We weren't allowed to invite friends over and other children thought it was weird and made up stories as to why. In contrast, mine is an open house. They can invite who they like when they like. It's their home as well.