Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Justonemorepancake · 28/04/2019 08:37

And please don't use 'we meet at playcentres' etc as an excuse. For young kids (DS is in reception) it's super important to them to be able to have friends over to their house. Ds' excitement goes off the scale when he has a playdate round, as he gets to show all his 'precious things'. It's not the same to meet up in the park etc at that age. It's mean to deny them that just because of your weirdness. Please arrange playdates for your kids! Then people won't turn up unannounced!

Moorfields · 28/04/2019 08:37

No sign of the op now

HBStowe · 28/04/2019 08:38

This is actually reminding me a little of one of my good school friends. Her parents were incredibly hostile to any of her friends coming round. It was never allowed except for her birthday, and even then they always made it clear we weren’t welcome. The inevitable consequence is that once she was a little bit older she never spent any time at home. She used to hang out at my house or other friends’ houses all the time in the evenings and weekends, and only go home to eat and sleep. It didn’t seem to bother her parents too much but I am very keen to be the kind of parent where my kids know they and their fiends are always welcome.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 28/04/2019 08:38

"I'm really sorry, but we can't have visitors right now. Next time, just phone and check first, which might save you a wasted journey."

Sorted.

Thehop · 28/04/2019 08:38

Uninvited unexpected visitors are the worst. I wish I had the guts to do what you did, but I just don’t invite people in anymore. They have to give me some notice to visit. Good for you I hope she learns from it!

Maybe next time say: oh we’re not really up for visitors shall we meet you at the park in 5 minutes?

PinguForPresident · 28/04/2019 08:39

Ok OP, let's assume this is real. Pretty much the only possible take from it is that you are lacking in social skills.

Not wanting other people in your home is a touch odd anyway, and if you've "made that clear on a number of occasions" I would imagine most people avoid you as it's hardly a friendly thing to say/do.

If people turn up unexpectedly there's a million ways to politely get rid of them. Many lists upthread already. Sitting them on the drive until it starts to rain is not one of them.

This will be talked about by the woman you were so rude to. It is highly likely to impact socially on your children.

If you're so socially difficult you're fine with all of that, then fine. But it's a real shame for your husband and kids.

To anwer your AIBU, Yes! YWVVVVVVVVVVU. Appallingly so.

stucknoue · 28/04/2019 08:40

It was very rude to keep her outside, if you didn't want a social call at that point you should have made an excuse, you were busy/going out. She sounds pushy but you sound odder

londonrach · 28/04/2019 08:41

I have friends who turn up as they passing. I love it. Whats wrong with your house. You sound vv strange. Good way to not make friends which sounds like its your plan anyway. Yabu

madcatladyforever · 28/04/2019 08:41

She sounds a bit odd to me. Despite feeling awkward she stayed for ages until it got cold enough for blankets. Anyone elose would probably have left after 10 minutes.

TapasForTwo · 28/04/2019 08:42

Do you think the OP will come back?

redstapler · 28/04/2019 08:43

@FissionChips

I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside

what's the back story to this line? hoarding? social anxiety? are you autistic?

Iwantacookie · 28/04/2019 08:45

You can't be serious? Shock if I was that woman I think I would of cried all the way home at being treated like that.

Btw you never know she could be the type of friend who would help you hide that body you've got in your house Wink

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 28/04/2019 08:47

I'm not keen on people coming round unannounced (or even announced, sometimes) - I wfh in what is often quite a busy job, have 3 dc of very varying ages, not a huge amount of space or storage, and it's often, tbh, messier than I feel comfortable with (most) people seeing. I am always welcoming, though, esp to the children's friends, and if I have to turn someone away it's always with a big apology.

She was definitely off-key coming round unannounced, but you were phenomenally rude and don't seem to have any insight into that at all. I have no idea why on earth you didn't just say, nicely (it can be said nicely), 'sorry, it's not convenient right now'. You may not want to be friends with her - and again it's fine to say 'look, I appreciate you'd like to come and visit us but I don't generally host people and I think it's best our children just played at school or at the park' - but for want of courage to make a clear statement like that, you treated her with actual contempt. Really, really bad form. Don't be surprised if other mums (perhaps including those you'd actually like to be friends with) are not keen to go out of their way to spend time with you after this.

Ginger1982 · 28/04/2019 08:49

Unannounced visitors are always perhaps a bit irritating but I would still invite them in. You sound a bit crazy to be honest. Are your kids allowed any friends over? What's wrong with your house that no one is allowed inside?

Livpool · 28/04/2019 08:50

Yabu

Why are some people so weird about 'ransoms' (which this person isn't) coming into your home. A castle with a moat would prevent further issues

Outanabout · 28/04/2019 08:51

I'm kind of on OP's side. I would never roll up to an acquaintance's house without an invite, and especially not if I'd been given the nod that visitors weren't welcome. How thick does your skin have to be, to override someone's hints like that? I wouldn't have had the balls to make them sit outside, but wish I did!

N2986 · 28/04/2019 08:52

Hmm maybe she was concerned about you or your dc and it was her way of checking up

SPR1107 · 28/04/2019 08:52

Why didn't you just grab your coats and go to a local park if you felt that strongly about it?

Grainedmonkey · 28/04/2019 08:56

Do you think the visitor was just being incredibly nosey. She already knew that OP did not welcome visitors but she turned up anyway. Perhaps curious to find out why and see if she could get a peek inside . Might also have been egged on by the other parents if OP's behaviour is under the radar ?

Sickandsurprised2019 · 28/04/2019 08:59

She was rude and intrusive.

You were rude and passive aggressive, punishing her with the play date she wanted in an uncomfortable area.

Bloomburger · 28/04/2019 09:02

You're behaviour is just going to effect your child as it grows up as even if it's me of my children wanted to be friends with yours I'd say no after that behaviour. Incredibly strange and off putting and just bloody rude!

AgathaF · 28/04/2019 09:03

I've read some odd things on here over the years, but your behaviour on this?? Wow, so very rude and so very odd. Really, can't you see that?

Regarding the message she sent you later. She probably has manners so that's why she sent the message. Manners. Some of us have them, some people don't.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/04/2019 09:04

OP you were incredibly rude. I dont like unexpected visitors either particularly, but I take the view if I am a mess or the house is a mess, you take me as you find me if you pitch up uninvited. Sitting on your driveway - words fail me!

DontVisitMe · 28/04/2019 09:06

As a prolific lurker, I've just joined Mumsnet to post that I think you're brilliant, OP. I have severe anxiety disorder and I don't want visitors, ever. If someone turned up at my door it could very likely cause me to be very ill. Luckily, no one does that here because they either know me and my illness, or they are normal and just wouldn't turn up at someone's house unannounced.

It was really rude of them to turn up and although I'd have told them to go away, perhaps you felt like you couldn't. They are the odd ones for not taking the hint.

Also, there are some really disgusting responses on this thread. Someone saying have you got autism because that's fucking weird. Wtf? Are you saying all people with autism are weird?!

Also this one :

Yet another person with anxiety What's that supposed to mean? Are you accusing people with anxiety of faking it?

When did we all become so bad at humaning that the idea of associating with other humans puts us into such a ridiculous tailspin

People with anxiety are mentally ill, not "bad at humaning" , or "ridiculous".

"It's completely odd"

People with anxiety aren't odd.

AJPTaylor · 28/04/2019 09:07

Well it's sorted now.
She will never come again and has probably told every person in the school playground as well