To be aware this is going to kill me but seemingly be unable to stop

[fatfatfat]

I am really overweight. Historically this has never been the case. I was a skinny teenager and I used to have dinner ladies trying to fatten me up.

I had a pretty major trauma when I was 18 and I developed an eating disorder, which seems SO ironic now. In some ways it never really went away, although once I started FT work I did have to eat a bit more just to not draw adverse attention to myself. I remained quite underweight though.

The problem is, the last three years or so have been immensely stressful and my weight has ballooned. I had to get to a healthy weight in order to start a procedure and I was 9 and a half stone in 2013. I remember DH saying he thought that was a good weight for me. But then it just ballooned out of control.

Eating (and drinking) has become the thing I do, it's my absolute favourite. And obviously the more weight I've put on the worse it's got. None of my clothes fit. I don't go to places. I don't see people. I won't have my photo taken. All in all I am miserable as fuck ... so why the fuck can't I stop eating!?

DH, my own sister, MIL and a couple of friends have in various ways pulled me up on it, some gently and some not so. I've been reminded of the effect on my own children, that diabetes and a premature death may be the end result. But it also impacts on all our lives in a thousand different ways. DD was desperate for me to ride a horse alongside her but I wouldn't (I knew the owner would ask me how much I weighed and I wouldn't say and also didn't want the poor creature to collapse.) I won't go swimming with my children. Last weekend DD wanted me to go on a ride with her - it was only a carousel thing (she is 3) but it was one of those carriages you sit in and I knew I would struggle to get my fat arse in it! I barely see my friends. I pull out of social occasions because - honestly - I just can't find clothes.

I don't know why I am posting. Well, I want to start Monday. Again. But I'm so miserable.

Who knows. ANyway I shall try (again) tomorrow - fail again, fail better!

Oh the roses do you really think that millions of people have become obese due to a lack of self control? Why now? Why in the past few decades?

.

To be aware this is going to kill me

Just my own experience - I'm a lot older than you ( in my 60's), and a lot bigger than you. Yes I know all about feeling too big for so many activities, feeling embarrassed for my children etc. But I can tell you that it won't automatically kill you to be overweight. There are a lot of factors in play, and this is just one factor. I don't have any heart problems or any other health issues. You may find that you are the same. Don't be influenced by the general idea that "fat will kill you for sure". Good luck !

You don't need surgery OP... my nephew had bariatric surgery at 24stone, is now under 9 stone in 2 years, unable to keep down solid food and survives on baby food and protein shakes. At the moment I am a bit larger than you, I used to be 8stone 20 years ago but becoming less active, early menopause and eating and drinking too much crap has caused my weight to double... my fault as I am responsible for what I put in my mouth and how much I exercise. I am about to up my exercise and lower my calorie intake slowly but surely.. I won't deny myself a gin or a bag or crisps, I just wont have 4 of each at the same time. I hope you find a solution that brings you to where you want to be xx

@fatfatfat I do think one thing that is really key is NOT to think about being on a diet, or of trying and failing.

Those are very typical thought patterns of someone with a history of ED (believe me I know) and encourages all or nothing thinking - ie. if you don't eat perfectly then you've failed and might as well give up and 'start again' tomorrow. It makes it a hugely unmanageable thing to overcome when you have such high expectations of yourself.

I agree with the many people who have said that making small changes are something you can achieve easily and feel proud about - it spurs on more change. Trying to be mindful about eating can help too - thinking about what you're eating, when you're eating it, making a conscious choice to eat - do you want it, how much etc.

It's not about setting rules about what you can and can't have - as soon as you tell yourself you can't have it then you'll want it more and if you try and resist you're more likely to end up binging. Tell yourself you're allowed whatever you want. But just try and be mindful about it.

For example, if you might eat 10 biscuits in a row normally - eat two biscuits. Tell yourself if you want another 2 biscuits in 15 minutes then you'll have them, but try and do other things as well.

The more you try to control the situation the more out of control you'll be. But if you try and relax the rules (which you might not even be actively trying to follow right now, but I bet you have an predefined view of how you 'should eat' and I bet that internally you are judging yourself for eating 'too much') then suddenly you might just find it all has less power over you.

And I'm not saying that would solve all your problems or cause you to lose weight to a point you are happy with (it doesn't for me), but it might help for it all to feel like less of a battle with yourself and less fraught with despair. And you might find that just by trying to listen to your body and what you really want a bit more that you'll lose some weight without really having to try.

Normally though I wouldn't think I'll eat ten biscuits, I'd just eat the packet. I can't set loose rules because they are either mine and rigid or they are non existent!

Hi faraday,
Mindful eating is supposed to help, it’s helping me be aware of when things don’t taste good and making me realise when I’m actually full.

(Sorry it wasn’t obvious, my post about surgery was meant to be a pastiche. I shouldn’t have relied on that coming across in writing).

It was obvious to me but it was also a stupid one as I'm not planning on it.

Okay so my point is try and be mindful about it? Don't just eat the whole packet, think consciously about how many you want, slow down, give yourself time to consider and listen to your body.

It's not saying forbid yourself from eating the whole packet, it's just saying think about what you really want, don't just scoff them down mindlessly.

I don’t think that there’s anything that the OP can do about this. She can’t afford it, either in time or money and the things that are free just won’t work for her.

Full of encouragement eh Flav

@fatfatfat I think it's because you're not really engaging with the advice on the thread.

Nevermind therapy or counselling - fine, you've made your views on that clear.

But there's been a huge amount of alternative suggestions and advice, and you've dismissed plenty that you think won't work for you (cost or time related) but you haven't really given any indication of which things you think might work, what you plan to try from the reams of advice posted.

Are you getting much from this thread? Lots of people are giving up a lot of time to tell you their stories and give considered advice and it would be nice if you would engage positively in return, although you're within your rights not to. But that's why it's coming across as if you're not really interested.

Really interesting from @christmasinus - my question is does this relate to the gut bacteria arguments that are going on - if so perhaps there's a less invasive way of dealing with these issues in the near future?

Well if you read back through your posts @fatfatfat that’s basically what you’re saying...

Oh yeah, including the one where I clearly say I will be having another try tomorrow

But trying how? You already seem to think you're going to fail.

So which thing, of everything that's been suggested, are you going to do and try?

I was joking around. What was I supposed to say "I will start tomorrow and I will NEVER let anything other than a lettuce leaf pass into my throat?"

What is your plan for tomorrow? Has someone said something that appeals?

(Why not start today?).

I was joking around. What was I supposed to say "I will start tomorrow and I will NEVER let anything other than a lettuce leaf pass into my throat?"

Is that really what you’ve picked up reading on here?

Going off on a tangent... Do you have a garden? If so could you and the children grow your own fruit and veg, family activity, money saving, physically active, win win. Alternatively get in to voluntary work as a family.. beach cleans, heath clearance or similar, all of which have a feel good factor to improve mental well-being.

Oh I am ignoring you Flav, you're just getting on my wick now tbh.

Maybe Naughty, we are very limited for time tbh

I had surgery on the NHS in November. Before I had it I did three years of research whilst trying to lose weight through diet,and exercise .

The things I learned during that three years was that there is no other area of surgery where so many uninformed people have such entrenched views of a LIFE SAVING surgical procedure that they know little or nothing about !

The main myths ;

1. You will almost certainly die having the OP. - Untrue like all operations there is risk from anaesthetic. Gastric Bypass and Gastric Sleeve have lower mortality than Gallbladder and Tonsillectomy.

1. It's the 'easy' way out. Typical nonsense spouted by those who haven't done it. It forces you to change your way of thinking and dealing with food forever - from an emotional crutch to something that sustains life and nothing more..

1. Why is the NHS paying for cosmetic procedures. - Again, wrong. It's not cosmetic it's a surgical procedure to prevent early death in the exact same manner as a heart bypass.

1. The NHS doesn't have the money. Diabetes now costs the NHS £1.5 million PER HOUR ! My diabetes was in remission before I left hospital. I was only in 48 hours. This is normal. The op costs the NHS 8k. Do the maths.

1. It doesn't work. People liquidise chocolate.. bands slip etc etc.. True and false. As time has passed the experts in Bariatric surgery have been able to evaluate outcomes. Gastric Bands are now very very rare in the NHS for exactly the reason of being able to cheat. Obesity is complex and people self sabotage. The gold standard of NHS Bariatric surgery is the Bypass followed closely by the procedure I had. (Sleeve gastrectomy) . Both have very unpleasant side effects if you cheat, sufficient to put you off touching sugar/sugar based products. Or attempting to over eat. The 15 yr outcome evaluations show 80.02% of patients who had either bypass or Sleeve were still within the healthy weight range. (BMI 22-25). Compared to less than 1:1000 achieving this after 5 yrs with diet/exercise.

1. 'I'll never get my GP to agree'. You would be surprised. There are clinical guidelines like all surgical procedures. You can ask your GP to refer you if your BMI is over 35 and you have an associated illness that is likely to severely impact your life. Eg , Heart disease, Diabetes, Joints needing replacement, high blood pressure, sleep apnoea. (Most obese people have this without knowing it) .. If your BMI is over 40 you can just be referred. The Referal is to the 'Tier 3 pathway'. NOT to surgery. Tier 3 is a 6-12 month, monthly programme including dietary workshops/evaluation by a clinical psychologist, exercise classes and group discussions. At the end of that you can decide if you want to go forward for surgery. (My cohort was 33 , everyone opted for surgery with only one person still waiting for heart problems to stabilise). You cannot have Bariatric surgery in the NHS without attending everyone of these Tier 3 appointments UNLESS you are super morbidly obese. (BMI 50+)

To all those who dismiss it. Please do a little research first. At reputable institutions.. not 'I know someone who's sisters,brothers aunties wife died having that done '...

I have lost 68lbs since November. But the real success is no more Diabetes medication/clinic appointments. No more BP medication. Average visit to Doctor from 2x a month to 1: 4 months. Couldn't walk more than 150m without pain. Now walk over 10 miles each weekend. Best of all - No more anti depressants as my mental health has left the doldrums..

I'm out.

@Flaverings has got this spot on. By your attitude you don't appear to want to change as you've got excuses for everything.

Hopefully behind the scenes maybe you are taking some of the advice on board and it might come in useful when you decide you want to help yourself.