To be aware this is going to kill me but seemingly be unable to stop

[fatfatfat]

I am really overweight. Historically this has never been the case. I was a skinny teenager and I used to have dinner ladies trying to fatten me up.

I had a pretty major trauma when I was 18 and I developed an eating disorder, which seems SO ironic now. In some ways it never really went away, although once I started FT work I did have to eat a bit more just to not draw adverse attention to myself. I remained quite underweight though.

The problem is, the last three years or so have been immensely stressful and my weight has ballooned. I had to get to a healthy weight in order to start a procedure and I was 9 and a half stone in 2013. I remember DH saying he thought that was a good weight for me. But then it just ballooned out of control.

Eating (and drinking) has become the thing I do, it's my absolute favourite. And obviously the more weight I've put on the worse it's got. None of my clothes fit. I don't go to places. I don't see people. I won't have my photo taken. All in all I am miserable as fuck ... so why the fuck can't I stop eating!?

DH, my own sister, MIL and a couple of friends have in various ways pulled me up on it, some gently and some not so. I've been reminded of the effect on my own children, that diabetes and a premature death may be the end result. But it also impacts on all our lives in a thousand different ways. DD was desperate for me to ride a horse alongside her but I wouldn't (I knew the owner would ask me how much I weighed and I wouldn't say and also didn't want the poor creature to collapse.) I won't go swimming with my children. Last weekend DD wanted me to go on a ride with her - it was only a carousel thing (she is 3) but it was one of those carriages you sit in and I knew I would struggle to get my fat arse in it! I barely see my friends. I pull out of social occasions because - honestly - I just can't find clothes.

I don't know why I am posting. Well, I want to start Monday. Again. But I'm so miserable.

Trying to be as gentle as possible...you aren’t really talking about it. And it’s difficult to do so in this setting. But you could with a coach or therapist and it could be incredibly helpful. With the added bonus of not getting 15 bajillion different suggestions about which diet techniques work best, which are well intentioned but inevitable as soon as weight gets mentioned here . Maybe give it some thought, you do need to feel ready.

Yes, 7 stone is great and I am very proud of myself

Try it, it works.

oa.org/

OA isn't counselling, it's a self help group with a programme of action. A self acceptance approach. And it's free.

I feel for you.

Basically, you have to admit to yourself that you are as addicted (to the dopamine rush) as any alcohol or drug addict because you are, OP.

Then, do the 12 steps programme for addicts and follow the 'one day at a time' rule, to break the habit. Just as an alcoholic has to choose not to pick up the first drink, so too do you have to choose to not stray from your meal plan.

Its a habit that you have to break, and only you can choose to do it. The 12 steps meetings are also free therapy so you can face the underlying issues.

www.oagb.org.uk/find-a-meeting/

Op you’ve had a lot of very sympathetic advice here. But you don’t want counselling, you don’t want to go on a diet, you don’t want to exercise. So how do you think you are going to lose the weight if it’s making you unhappy? You’ve self diagnosed yourself as having a past eating disorder but it was never professionally recognised. I would have thought you are fine to start a healthy eating plan. Any of Michael Mosleys books would be worth reading. I started off with the Clever guts diet and it made perfect sense and the recipes are simple and taste good.I was also 15 stone.

WHere did I say I wouldn't go on a diet or exercise?

Er I didn't.

Nor did I say talking doesn't help. It does. I just don't need to spend £50 an hour on it.

"Nor did I say talking doesn't help. It does. I just don't need to spend £50 an hour on it."

Great! Then see GP and go for free on the NHS. :-)

Would it help to post an example of your daily diet and we could suggest changes?

The First Step is a wonderful start to the rest of your life. Why?

Because it involves ADMITTING that you are POWERLESS and that YOUR LIFE has become UNMANAGEABLE - and that you need [outside] help.

First step to change, OP. Admitting this is a very hard thing for the ego (control, denial, avoidance) to do.

Look Shawshank you may think you are being clever - tbh you aren't.

I do not want or need to see a counsellor. I can't really make it any plainer than that. It isn't just the money. I have issues with the ethics of it, and also as I've explained I have precious little free time as it is.

Nick - ha! I know already! Daily diet is, I eat nothing until 4/5 sometimes even 6 and then GORGE!

So post an example?

OP I've lost my patience now that I've read your other posts. You are making excuses. I know because I made them to.

We can advise you until the cows come home but only YOU can make the change and if you aren't prepared to listen, and dismiss things without even giving them a go, then you aren't going to achieve anything, at least not now.

Realising you have a weight problem is the first step. Asking for help is the second. Now it's all on your shoulders.

Don't ask for help then get arsey because you don't like the advice given - that says you aren't ready.

I'm not getting arsey. That would be you.

OP, try sparkpeople-www.sparkpeople.com/

You can track meals and get online support for free. Most studies find tracking every bite of good leads to more success, as does peer support.

I agree with others, you must deal with your trauma.

Try to take a walk every day as well.

Good luck.

I think if you are aiming to lose all your excess weight, you'll be disillusioned and give up. If you set small targets, and achieve them, you'll succeed and be even more motivated.

Could you aim to only eat one biscuit instead of two, leave a gap between snacks, etc?

Fatfatfat I won't shout at you.

This addiction is particularly hard, because you can't stop eating altogether so you are surrounded by temptation.

But seriously? Considering the preaching and hostility you have started to receive (why are you so defensive etc)...

Just be really brave, click on my link, find your nearest eaters 12 steps meeting and go.

Why? Because you will be surrounded by people who understand you as nobody else can understand.

Nobody will be judging you or prescribing,

You will find the FREE talking you are looking for, you have the spiritual support of the most powerful blueprint to living a complete and full life there is.

PS-You should spread your meals-three regular size or six mini meals. I lost 60 lbs, eating 3 meals and 2 small snacks daily, and consuming the bulk of my calories at lunch.

OP, I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it but Josie Spinardi’s book “how to eat your cake and be skinny too” (or something like that) is life changing. It’s not a diet - it’s something called Hunger Directed Eating and it’s really how naturally skinny people usually eat. It’s a life long thing. Give it a try maybe?

Ok well maybe try to eat three proper meals. And then you won't gorge. I'd gorge too if I didn't eat until 5pm!

I think a very restrictive or meal replacement diet would be a bad idea for you because it could swing you back into anorexia. I would aim to work towards 'eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full' as a long term lifestyle plan. This might mean eating more regularly but cutting out the binges. It's possible that not eating all day is actually causing the massive binge sty the end of the day. What happens if you eat 3 meals instead?

@fatfatfat OP what do you want to do? There are so many suggestions on here that you have pushed back on because you don't have time, money etc, even though many of them can be done for free, and by reprioritising. I'm genuinely baffled as to what you want. If you'd started a thread about knowing you are very overweight and aren't yet in a place to address it, but wanted to just talk about it, then fine. But I don't recall your original post stating that. Can you explain really clearly, what it is you want to do?

I do think it’s asking for trouble to not eat anything until 4/5 pm. Because by then of course you’re famished, and it’s hardly surprising you then gorge. You would benefit, I think, from trying to eat a little breakfast whilst your DC are eating theirs.

I also liked the suggestion from a PP to take a thermosflask of healthy soup with you to work? Or if you don’t have the time for that, you could buy some cuppa soups along with a readymade salad; my DH does that.

That way, if you’re not so famished, there’s a chance you won’t feel quite so tempted to gorge in the late afternoon.

I hope you find the strategy that works for you.

Try hypnotherapy?

A food app to track your calories?

Find something else in your life you and enjoy and do more of it to replace the eating

@fatfatfat I'm not trying to be clever. I've actually read the full thread, and my first post to you was asking questions about you. I'm actually trying to unpick your posts to try and understand what the problem is so that I can help you (hey, it's getting me out of housework!).

You obviously want help, your title of this thread says a bit about how you feel. It may be you don't know what kind of help that is? I don't know. It may be that you're not ready for it, and just feel safe (kind of) to come on here and ask, and that may be it for you at the point. It may be just what you need right now and it's enough just to talk on here.

But maybe AIBU isn't the right board if you do just want to talk on MN? Because you will get replies you don't like and be told others opinions. Maybe other support boards would be better?

OP has made the very important first step, that has taken time to get to that stage and may take time to get to the second step, once she has worked out what that step is. Getting arsy with her will NOT help. There have been some good and not so good suggestions here, she will need time to process what will be the next step when she is ready, that may take some time. I have no experience but I don't think a diet programme would be the best for someone with an eating disorder. I get the not wanting counselling, she had said quite a few times she does not want it so stop suggesting it!