To be aware this is going to kill me but seemingly be unable to stop

[fatfatfat]

I am really overweight. Historically this has never been the case. I was a skinny teenager and I used to have dinner ladies trying to fatten me up.

I had a pretty major trauma when I was 18 and I developed an eating disorder, which seems SO ironic now. In some ways it never really went away, although once I started FT work I did have to eat a bit more just to not draw adverse attention to myself. I remained quite underweight though.

The problem is, the last three years or so have been immensely stressful and my weight has ballooned. I had to get to a healthy weight in order to start a procedure and I was 9 and a half stone in 2013. I remember DH saying he thought that was a good weight for me. But then it just ballooned out of control.

Eating (and drinking) has become the thing I do, it's my absolute favourite. And obviously the more weight I've put on the worse it's got. None of my clothes fit. I don't go to places. I don't see people. I won't have my photo taken. All in all I am miserable as fuck ... so why the fuck can't I stop eating!?

DH, my own sister, MIL and a couple of friends have in various ways pulled me up on it, some gently and some not so. I've been reminded of the effect on my own children, that diabetes and a premature death may be the end result. But it also impacts on all our lives in a thousand different ways. DD was desperate for me to ride a horse alongside her but I wouldn't (I knew the owner would ask me how much I weighed and I wouldn't say and also didn't want the poor creature to collapse.) I won't go swimming with my children. Last weekend DD wanted me to go on a ride with her - it was only a carousel thing (she is 3) but it was one of those carriages you sit in and I knew I would struggle to get my fat arse in it! I barely see my friends. I pull out of social occasions because - honestly - I just can't find clothes.

I don't know why I am posting. Well, I want to start Monday. Again. But I'm so miserable.

Weight problems can often stem from mental health conditions: part and parcel of a number of those conditions is fear of resolution. You become very good at telling yourself you’re okay - it’s how the condition perpetuates itself like a bad seed. Honestly - GP.

OP - I'm in a similar position, I need to lose a fair bit of weight, but just can't get going.

I think that I have so much else going on, my health/well being has taken a backseat and it's hard to get momentum going.

I'm going to make a real effort to get out to do some kind of exercise - swimming/Pilates/anything not too scary for a very unfit person. I going to go every Saturday and hopefully also Sunday. That will be my time, my headspace. I'm following RH fitness on Facebook and have worked out my nutrition macros etc (there's a formula on there) and will meal plan to try to keep to it.

If it will help to have a buddy, please DM me.

Did you say you don't eat all day and then you binge???

Please start a meal plan, and eating properly

It's difficult to lose weight and you really want to have to do it for yourself to succeed. My DH is in a similar position to you. His BMI is 42. He lost six stones with slimming world six years ago but when he stopped going it all crept back on and he's around a stone heavier now, than when he started.

You have to find something you can stick to which is a really hard thing to do. A lot of diets don't work long term because it's not possible to stick to them long term.

I lost weight mostly through excercise. I run around 20 miles a week which isn't much but over a few years it's made a difference.

Are there any exercise classes or sports that you are interested in? I know it's hard when you are overweight to excercise but along side healthy eating it can make a difference.

I think someone else has already mentioned them,but have you ever thought about following Overeaters Anonymous, there's virtual meetings over the phone and it follows the same program as AA

I went from being extremely underweight with bulimic tendencies ( was never diagnosed I should say) to obese in a couple of years, OA has helped me tremendously

Weight is about putting less calories into your body than you expend. Easy, right? If we all eat less and exercise, we'll all be slim. And weight loss is 20% exercise and 80% diet.
Why can't we all manage this? Because how we eat is far more complex than that.
The OP knows she needs to eat differently and that her weight is getting into danger territory. But she's not ready / willing to try and find out why (there was a trauma many years ago, but how is that affecting things now?) Until she is ready, then she won't be able to make any significant changes.
The comments about counselling being a placebo and despicable are just odd.
And those of you who've said that 15stones is not that bad. It's not 30-40stone bad, it's not needing to take a wall down to get you out of the house bad. But it is bad if her fighting weight is 9.5stones. A BMI of 39 is very bad. I say that as someone who is overweight.

So sorry if this has been suggested but you can self refer to IAPS for CBT? It’s a mixed bag of therapists to be honest but find the right one and if could help for both the trauma and eating. Wishing you lots of luck.

Just read you don’t want CBT. Shame as it DOES work and it saved my life. Literally in the true sense of the word.

Thousands of clinical trials to back it up. Counselling is a totally different thing (although also very helpful).

OP.. I was in a very similar situation to you. Eating disorder in high school, very thin and then massively overweight (BMI nearly 35) after having my kids. I too had/have a problem with binge eating. I am also strangely opposed to counselling (tried it for 6 weeks and HATED it) For years I acted like the victim and had every excuse under the sun not to diet and exercise. I then discovered the Keto diet and it has honestly changed my life. I lost 7 stone in 7 months and now have a healthy BMI. Went from a size 22 to a 10. I’ve kept the weight off for 2 years. I love that you don’t have to restrict your portions. I eat as much as I want as long it’s a Keto friendly meal. I can’t believe how my appetite has changed though! I can’t eat half the amount I used to. Before Keto I was always sick. I have PCOS and was on meds for depression and anxiety. Within three months I came off all my meds and haven’t had a single symptom of PCOS since I started this lifestyle. Please PM me if you want to discuss it more and need some tips to start. I can help you along the way if you decide to give it a go.

This thread has some of the nastiest posts I've read on MN. Why anyone would think berating and denigrating someone is the way to help them lose weight I don't know. Perhaps helping the OP is not some pp's aim.

From reading this thread, you wouldn't guess that more than 60% of adults in the UK are overweight. Do we all need counselling?

OP I had an eating disorder as a young woman and could delve into the causes but don't feel any need to. I'm overweight now but I don't need or want counselling about it - I just need to eat less/better.

OP your weight is a health risk, but I do wonder how many of the people berating you drink more than the reccomended amount or have other unhealthy habits. A bit of perspective is in order here.

I suspect a lot of posts on this thread are really not helping you. Please dm me if you want to chat. Or if you want to start a thread to support one another in eating less, I'll join.

I think there might be an element of the OP choosing not to believe in counselling for fear that if she attended it could work and she would lose her eating disorder.

Again, I speak from personal experience. For a long DD wanted to get ‘better’ so she could enjoy her life again but not if being better meant eating. At that point she was addicted to the not eating and was terrified of losing that and the false sense of comfort and control it gave her.

release I don't think people are meaning to be nasty (on the whole). They genuinely want to help. I'm not sure Op is ready to be helped because she's still playing the 'yes, but' game, and that can be frustrating for others.
That's fine.
OP - you know there are loads of people on here who will back you when you are ready.

Well, whether they are meaning to be nasty or not, I'm not taking responsibility for people not reading. I said I didn't want counselling, people continue to push it, their choice.

12 pages

Is there anything that you think is helpful and you will do?

I've said loads of times the majority has been helpful. Absolutely loads. If people could stop twisting the thread I'd appreciate it.

Op if you are going without food all day your blood sugar will be at rock bottom by the time you get home and that will be making you feel like gorging on food. It's natural. Your brain is assuming there is bugger all food to be had and that will drive you to eat everything and the kitchen sink! You need to change this. Start with having breakfast of scrambled eggs with butter and spinach which will not give you a sugar spike but it will actually feed you as feeding is what you need.
Google Mark's Daily Apple. He has amazing advice. You need a lot more balance in your life. I suspect you are a constant giver and are doing nothing at all for yourself. You need to start looking after yourself much much better. This doesn't have to cost money or much time but please value yourself. I personally don't eat breakfast as I never fancy it but I have food at eleven, late lunch and then a very very light supper. If I am meh about what I have planned for supper I don't bother and have fruit instead.
I agree with WoodCut Adding stuff to your life would be great. Nice hand cream, extra special make up, hair do, a good book, a walk in the countryside. Anything that has value to you.

It is hellishly tough but I think once you find the right path for you and take it (expecting to fail here and there but not to be deterred by this as you are only human) you will find it will develop it's own impetus. I completely believe you can do this. You know your own mind, you are intelligent and you are starting to get on this entirely.

Ok. Want to do it on your own? Download Lose It! or some similar app, set a calorie limit per day depending on how much you need to lose, and stick to it, entering the food you eat religiously. Do some exercise if you can, like walking.

Can't do it on your own? Get help, from a counsellor or a support group.

That's it. There's nothing else we can tell you.

Thanks CK

I don't intentionally go without food all day. It is just that I am out of the house by 6 am. I only get 20 minutes lunch and a lot of the time that gets disturbed.

I'm not trying to be ungrateful or ignore anyone's advice but the thread has been pretty triggering and I hate that word, but Im having some pretty black thoughts now like I don't want to be here at all and it would be better if I wasn't, so I'm going to hide it in a bit. Thanks again.

This thread has some of the nastiest posts I've read on MN. Why anyone would think berating and denigrating someone is the way to help them lose weight I don't know. Perhaps helping the OP is not some pp's aim.

From reading this thread, you wouldn't guess that more than 60% of adults in the UK are overweight. Do we all need counselling?

Nonsense and extremely unhelpful. I've honestly not read anything nasty on here and I've seen A LOT elsewhere on MN. This thread is full of people trying to help the OP. There are countless links to useful sites, books, groups, etc... The OP spoke about her eating disorder. People with actual eating disorders do not recover by dieting or weight loss alone. I posted earlier with suggestions of online groups based on my own experience of addiction and recovery - alcoholism in my case. No of course 60% of UK's population who are overweight do not need counselling or therapy - no one said that, but someone with an eating disorder needs a lot more help than just channeling that disorder into a diet. It just doesn't work.

OP, I hope you can pick out some useful advice from the thread - as honestly there is loads here (some of which I've found useful myself for other reasons). Maybe come back to it after a break or something. It's extremely tough putting yourself out there like you have done here.

From reading this thread, you wouldn't guess that more than 60% of adults in the UK are overweight. Do we all need counselling?

Possibly some form, yes.

I think OP’s discounting of counselling is protective.

Well there are some right nasty fuckers on here, getting pissy with someone who is probably struggling with their mental health and making snide comments about what weight you need to be to ride a horse is just pathetic and I can't honestly see how you think it's helping (infact pretty sure you know it's not, just love a chance to be bitchy). There is no point rambling on and on about bloody counseling, the OP has said no to it, she hasn't said no to any of the diet or exercise advice or books recommend so I would love to know why people keep saying "well you obviously don't want advice because you are just ignoring it". Fucking pathetic. It's a bad day when a woman who has had some pretty shitty problems in her life can't come on and have a moan about her weight without everyone berating her for not taking their advice straight away on one thing.

If you’re still reading OP...

One of my dearest friends had a poor relationship with food - I wouldn’t say eating disorder as such, but she used food for comfort, enjoyment, control which worsened with bereavement.

She started running, built up slowly using couch to 5km app in the evenings (similar to you she worked long hours and fitting everything in was difficult), food became fuel for running so she changed portions and what she was eating but made sure she was in calorie deficit and this appealed to the control she needed over food.

She lost 5+ stone. Her children run too now and overall they have a much healthier lifestyle and they do it together.

It wasn’t easy at the beginning. She found running outside difficult and didn’t want to be seen, so initially used a cheap used treadmill at home. Once she’d lost a bit of weight she’d go to parkrun on a Saturday morning and built from there.

It worked for her, and she’s met loads of other women who have lost weight, gained confidence, improved mental health just by running for half an hour a couple of times a week.

If you have a Parkrun near you, I would really recommend it - 5km every Saturday morning and it's free. I am not a great runner and you can start by walking the course - there's a volunteer who stays with the last person until they are finished. I think some GPs are recommending it to their patients. I have done 25 now and manage to run the whole distance (only as fast as some people could walk it, but it's an achievement for me). I have set myself a challenge of completing 50 before my next birthday.

i think op from reacting to a thread and not wanting to be here is a huge indicator of how delicate your mental health is."well" people dont react to situations like this.they might be hrut by a few posters or irritated but to take it in on themselves to more self hate and your to blame thinking is a very telling mental health concern.
and im sorry you felt like the thread went this way and that ur not feeling this.big hugs.
but that does signify how you see yourself and your thought pathways and perhaps yes im afraid to say like you do need help on this type ofthing
that for you this isnt to do with food weight etc but how you cope with life and then use other factors for control or letting emotions out.
please take care.
i know its hard.
your not alone in this no matter how hard you feel this thread has gone.people really do care.
and in the midst of mental health problems i know for 100% you wont see or think you have a problem or one that needs fixing with talking,support or certain types of help.lots of it is how these illness trap you and keep you doing their bidding.and on the outside everyone can be screaming "but dont you see you have a problem" and you either cant,wont or aare scared or it ust isnt the rght time to see it yet.