Buckle up - it's another CF neighbour thread!

[grincheux]

I'm in the UK. My lovely 70-something parents have a home on a quiet leafy cul-de-sac in a seaside town mostly inhabited by, well, other 70-somethings. They've lived abroad for many many years (away with the Army then settled there) ad have decided to start spending more time in the UK, living in their house whilst here and then eventually coming back permanently. At the moment they're still kind of 50-50 between places. I also rented the house from them for years before they decided to start increasing the amount of time they spent over here, so it was very much my home as well. Though I live up the road now, I still check on my parents house a couple of times a week, take the post in, say hello to the neighbours, that sort of thing.

Last year their next door neighbour (the hermit-y one who we never saw) passed away. The two-bed bungalow next door was sold to a couple from out of town who give the Wormwoods from Matilda a run for their money - and have two teenagers. They have since added a huge extension with windows overlooking my parents' garden - but that's probably the least of our worries at the moment from what my nice neighbours on the other side told me this evening. MNers, please advise...

1. The cul-de-sac has a turning circle at the end. They have adopted this as their own private car park, meaning that cars, deliveries and ambulances can't turn around. They've been spoken to numerous times about it by the neighbours and continue to do it, despite the fact that every house on the street has a three-car driveway and there is ample roadside parking.

1. They have knocked the fence down between theirs and my parents' front garden and piled it up on my parents' front lawn. Their dog now runs through the hedge and uses my parents' front garden as a toilet. also I may have trod in poo earlier and emotions escalated quickly

1. My parents have an apple tree in the front garden which the wife has been quite vocal about letting herself in and helping herself to "for her horses" once it's ready. My mum asked her not to. Nice NDN told her not to. She's still been seen in the garden casing the tree.

1. They had a party a few weeks ago and asked nice NDNs if their friends could park their cars on my parents' driveway. There is ample roadside parking, it's a cul-de-sac with no double yellows. Nice NDNs laughed and thought she was joking... Turns out Mrs Wormwood was serious. Nice NDN said "no, you can't park on their drive, that's someone's house!". Mrs Wormwood's response was "yeah but they're not there. Can we use your driveway instead then?"

1. They don't have planning permission for the extension they've built which has turned a two-bed bungalow into a four-bed house with a yoga studio yes yes I know, please stay with me, I promise this is all real and new windows which overlook my parents' garden and directly into the master bedroom. We called the council when it was first put up but nothing was done about it.

I don't think IABU to think they can't carry on like this... but WWYD?!

Just doing my duty to the lore StCharlotte

Tell them you've coated some of the apples with horse poison, but only you know which ones.

OP that peeper thing on eBay is seriously creepy! I really want to see a photo of the tree ready to swing into action 
(Also - @SchadenfreudePersonified weren't we going to write a book ages ago about techniques like this?? )

Can you set up the gate so that when it is opened, it starts to play the music from Jaws? It will just be ending as they get near the screaming tree! 😁

Sounds like your parents garden is about to represent a scene from HP. 😂

Love these suggestions.

Handsome dogs, Russian terriers *LakieLady - very smart looking.

A friend had a giant schnauzer, which as you say looks similar, but he had to be destroyed because he was so aggressive (and powerful!). She kept him to show, but had to have him castrated in an attempt to get rid of the aggression, but it wasn't sex aggression, so made n difference.

Ovcharkas are the only breed I've ever seen advertised as being unsuitable for inexperienced owners. The advert I saw said "Do NOT contact me if you don't have experience of large, independent-minded dogs, and cannot prove your suitability, as I WILL NOT SELL YOU A PUPPY" Along with the "no young children, large enclosed garden etc". As you say - gorgeous dogs, but I wouldn't;t risk one.

The breed I don't like at all is the akita. Again, massibvely powerful dogs - I've known three and two of them, even though brought up in ordinary households with families and other animals etc turned out to be as aggressive as her and totally unpredictable. Maybe bad breeding, I don't know, but it's not a dog I'd like to have to try to control in a fight.

Beautiful to look at though.

Never met a komondor.

What a lot of the new eastern european breeds have in common is that they were bred as working dogs - and dogs that were left for weeks at a time to protect a herd against wolves and bears (and having to forage for their own food a lot of the time). This seems to produce an independent, determined aggressive and phenomenally powerful animal.

*as hell, not as her - though :"she" may be aggressive, of course

@SchadenfreudePersonified weren't we going to write a book ages ago about techniques like this??

We were Velociraptor - The Big Bumper Mumsnet Book of Dealing With CheekyFuckery or similar.

sodding Real Life got in the way

CF at it's finest

Looks like we could have made quite a profit Schaden

Thank you all for the dog recommendations - however as you've probably read the house is largely uninhabited so that's not an option. A squirty screamy tree with a four foot adder, however, is feasible.

Hows the tree looking grincheux? Is it screaming yet? 😁

on the extension front,
Even if the building is allowed under permitted developement, there are some restrictions on windows overlooking neighbours, they have to be frosted glass if they are too close.
Worth looking up the regs.

The sprinkler arrived this morning. After a series of experiments in my own garden resulting in a pair of ruined boots and a most disgruntled cat, the bastard thing is going back. It leaks everywhere and needs the hose on full constantly, which seems a little excessive. I eagerly await the arrival of the snake.

That’s disappointing

You're telling me @weenurse.

Get Derek Acorah to turn up in a van.

You might want to try a scarecrow sprinkler. While the tap has to be on it will only activate when it senses movement rather than constantly as with a regular sprinkler.

I think you need giant cobwebs on the tree

Before putting up any fence in the front garden, please check with the council how high it can be. Some councils limit it to three feet / one metre.

Has the snake arrived yet?

As if the snake would arrive and you wouldn't be the first to know @weenurse 😉 standby!

Thank you 😎

Any updates op?!

Don’t know if you have answered this already but if there is no WiFi why can’t you just get some?