Buckle up - it's another CF neighbour thread!

[grincheux]

I'm in the UK. My lovely 70-something parents have a home on a quiet leafy cul-de-sac in a seaside town mostly inhabited by, well, other 70-somethings. They've lived abroad for many many years (away with the Army then settled there) ad have decided to start spending more time in the UK, living in their house whilst here and then eventually coming back permanently. At the moment they're still kind of 50-50 between places. I also rented the house from them for years before they decided to start increasing the amount of time they spent over here, so it was very much my home as well. Though I live up the road now, I still check on my parents house a couple of times a week, take the post in, say hello to the neighbours, that sort of thing.

Last year their next door neighbour (the hermit-y one who we never saw) passed away. The two-bed bungalow next door was sold to a couple from out of town who give the Wormwoods from Matilda a run for their money - and have two teenagers. They have since added a huge extension with windows overlooking my parents' garden - but that's probably the least of our worries at the moment from what my nice neighbours on the other side told me this evening. MNers, please advise...

1. The cul-de-sac has a turning circle at the end. They have adopted this as their own private car park, meaning that cars, deliveries and ambulances can't turn around. They've been spoken to numerous times about it by the neighbours and continue to do it, despite the fact that every house on the street has a three-car driveway and there is ample roadside parking.

1. They have knocked the fence down between theirs and my parents' front garden and piled it up on my parents' front lawn. Their dog now runs through the hedge and uses my parents' front garden as a toilet. also I may have trod in poo earlier and emotions escalated quickly

1. My parents have an apple tree in the front garden which the wife has been quite vocal about letting herself in and helping herself to "for her horses" once it's ready. My mum asked her not to. Nice NDN told her not to. She's still been seen in the garden casing the tree.

1. They had a party a few weeks ago and asked nice NDNs if their friends could park their cars on my parents' driveway. There is ample roadside parking, it's a cul-de-sac with no double yellows. Nice NDNs laughed and thought she was joking... Turns out Mrs Wormwood was serious. Nice NDN said "no, you can't park on their drive, that's someone's house!". Mrs Wormwood's response was "yeah but they're not there. Can we use your driveway instead then?"

1. They don't have planning permission for the extension they've built which has turned a two-bed bungalow into a four-bed house with a yoga studio yes yes I know, please stay with me, I promise this is all real and new windows which overlook my parents' garden and directly into the master bedroom. We called the council when it was first put up but nothing was done about it.

I don't think IABU to think they can't carry on like this... but WWYD?!

I'll take the fence idea to my parents, I think that's the only way to keep their dog out. There's already a PIR censor light and CCTV out the front but none of this seems to deter Mrs W. My lovely old DF has had a quote from a builder to erect a very large Wendy house as he calls it (read: shed full of shit) in the corner of the fence blocking the window which overlooks the garden and bedroom - great idea but bless him I don't think he should have to fork out for it when their "yoga room" shouldn't be there in the first place. I'll get onto the council again tomorrow. Until then, let's talk hauntings and driveway sabotage

There are some doorbells and cctv things which will alert you if anyone is near the house. You can talk to callers at your DPs house. It would be interesting to watch their reaction. Maybe "Mad Aunt Maud" would like to talk through this new fangled thingy. lol. She might like modern tech.

Pay for a new fence on your parents' side of the property line. Get surveyors to make sure of the line..

Smear their dog's poo all over their cars that they park in the turning circle. Or put poo in a nerf gun and spray it at the car. Windshield and locks are what you are aiming for.
(Use rubber gloves for this)

I think, if they're a bit woo, you could hang some poppet dolls on the tree, or lots of red ribbons (I think red, but I'll check in the morning, and you may need to knot the ribbons too), and say they're guardians of the tree against apple thieves. They could be curses...

The idiots will either find that they're not at all woo after all, or that they don't actually like apples very much.

Is there such a thing as movement operated sprinkler? I'm sure you could cobble something together which waters the garden every time someone goes near it and you set it up near the boundary.

It's a bit early for apples, isn't it? When are your parents next due over?

‘Woo Wormwood and the Imaginary Horse’

Amazing.

How about rigging up some lights on timers and making a few indoor scarecrows, Home Alone style?

In a U.K. seaside town you might even be able to rehome a few old waxworks.

Jeremy Beadle, Lady Di and some heads on spikes from the chamber of horrors should do it. Could even arrange the heads in the apple tree...

Could you get a big motion sensor light that comes on if anyone enters the boundary & a speaker that plays a massive dog growling that could be hidden in a bush to scare the shit out of them, a couple of beware of the dog signs & if you know someone who has a big dog, could you ask them to be seen during the day a couple of times to make CF think that there is a dog on the property?

I've just found a motion activated sprinkler on Amazon. I shall need nine and fill them accordingly. Some will do ink, some will do mackerel brine. I may also stretch to a headstone for dear Aunt Maude who happens to be buried under the apple tree. Tesco do indoor light timers, which is handy because Maude has been known to move through the house flicking the lights on and off as she wanders in search of her next soul to torment. She might also point the back garden security light into their new windows, the cheeky little poltergeist. I can't explain exactly how the horrid statue of a goat they have outside their front door will start crying tears of blood this weekend but I think we can all be fairly sure that that will be Maude too.

Following this amazing thread with interest 😂 massive floodlight would do for me.

Our NDNs are the same - wankers. They had an enormous side return done, got planning permission for it but breached building regs with windows on the side of their house - windows so big we feel like a zoo exhibit when we sit in our garden. They paid for a fence in the end.

The whole row hates them and that’s karma enough.

Time to invest in WiFi and some Amazon devices. Smart plugs to make the lights go on and off at random times, echo dot to suddenly start playing music or talk through it.

I like the idea of the sprinklers and garden lights too. Not sure I’d be brave enough to do any of it in reality, but sometimes just planning then strategy is a stress relief. Good luck!

The problem you have is around the fact possession/occupation is giving them the edge - you aren’t there all the time.
I’d be challenging the lack of planning permission again - the longer you leave it the more likely they are to get away with it.

There's a driveway gate and a footpath gate. I've thought about locking the driveway gate but the footpath gate has to stay unlocked for the postman.

Can you get a wall mounted locking mail box and lock the gate?

Put your own fence up just inside boundary
Email planning department and include photographs along with complaint, email building control at council, email parking about turning space along with photos
Install light sensor, so if ndn goes in garden it lights up

Can you get a wall mounted locking mail box and lock the gate?

I wondered this too. If you reroute their post to you, then the mail box wouldn't fill up quite so quickly. Or have the post office hold the post and go collect it in person here and there (if that's possible).

Motion sensor on the tree triggering a spooky voice recording telling them to leave the apples alone.

Mind you, on that one, I'd give them permission to take the apples. Better than a garden littered with rotting wasp filled apples. They'd be doing you a favour.

You can get 3G/4G router from amazon (£60) and just shove a sim in it with some data on for £10-20 a month. That will give you WiFi, I’m just about to do that at my parents.

how the horrid statue of a goat they have outside their front door will start crying tears of blood this weekend

bonus points for the sophisticated plan!

No apples till autumn obv, but
Mind you, on that one, I'd give them permission to take the apples. Better than a garden littered with rotting wasp filled apples. They'd be doing you a favour.
This is only a favour if you don’t pick your own fruit from your garden. For some of us you are just stealing our food.

1. Call the council and request road markings to keep the turning circle clear.
2. Put your own fence up on your property. Inform NDN that you’ve put weedkiller on the lawn and it’s poisonous to dogs so you won’t take any responsibility for consequences if their dog trespasses.
3. Prune the tree and remove any budding apples to prevent NDN stealing them.
4. Ignore
5. Call the planning department and the parish or town council. NDN needs to be forced to submit a retrospective planning application which you can object to and hopefully get refused. Then they’ll be ordered to pull the extension down.

Sell the house before they get any worse!

I hope Aunt Maude is noisy as well.
Do you know someone with reliable young adults at home who would be happy to house sit while parents are away?
I have 2 but we live in Australia, so ,a bit far.

My lovely old DF has had a quote from a builder to erect a very large Wendy house
Why not just build a brick wall directly in front of the window?

This scares the shit out of me . Currently each house either side of us is either sold or up for sale (don’t know who’s bought one side yet) and I’m terrified we’ll end up surrounded by people like this as we’ve spent a lot of money on this house to just sell if they turn out to be awful.
I’m just talking in the extreme though as of course they could turn out to be lovely or better still, keep themselves to themselves!
Hope you get something sorted op!

sorry to say, my experience is that councils don't care about planning and will grant retrospective permission a lot of the time

so, you've ordered sprinkers - good. The fence should be put back on their property, surely? And wouldn't it be a shame if it got more broken and splintered while you did that, preferably put it out front.

I don't know who the Wormwoods are by the way.

is it worth sending a letter saying the next step is legal action and you will be seeking to recover all costs from them?

I can’t wait to hear about Maude’s hijinks - the little scamp!

5. Call the planning department and the parish or town council. NDN needs to be forced to submit a retrospective planning application which you can object to and hopefully get refused. Then they’ll be ordered to pull the extension down.

Not always the case now. For quite sometime planning regs for extrensions have been relaxed. Check that they haven't gone over what is are allowed without permission.

They are whatever you build subject to building regs approval but thats more to do with the building structure.

Pk37 both your NDN's are selling up?
What have you done to them

The Wormwood's are Matilda's vile parents (Roald Dahl).

I'd be putting spiky plants in - pyracantha is pretty lethal and even better the birds love it so it's great for wildlife. It's also very hardy and doesn't need a huge amount of looking after. You can find it in B&Q (top tip, wear long sleeves and good gloves when planting!).

Is a cheap garden screen an option? You can get artificial ivy trellis and whatnot from B&M for about 20-30 quid. I'd be plonking it right in fron't of the yoga window for starters.