To be a bit sad that my parents didn't push me more as a child?

[Cleopatramanuf]

I've been reflecting on everything lately and feel a bit sad, like I've missed out on things which I could have been really great at and enjoyed.

For example, in primary school, I was very good at athletics. I was always chosen to represent my school at athletics competitions and would often get through to the final against the best other kids in the (very large) county and win. My sports teacher at the time was always telling me and my parents that I have great aptitude and that I should really keep up athletics after leaving primary school. My high school didn't have any athletics and so I asked my parents if I could go to one out of school. They agreed but I was very shy and came home and told them that I enjoyed it but felt shy. Rather than encouraging me to keep going, my mum just said 'oh well, you should quit then, no fun to be doing it on your own'. Now I wish she'd encouraged me to stick at it, I could have done really well!

Another thing, gymnastics as a child. I loved it. My mum stopped taking me because the centre was a bit grimy. I begged her to let me carry on but she just said no after that rather than looking for a different centre for me to go to.

Another example, I went to a cycling velodrome as a kid with a friend's parent and won loads of the races. The instructor came up to my friend's mum specifically to tell her that I showed real possibility and should go back. When she told my mum, my mum just scoffed and said 'bet they say that to all the kids' and left it there. I never got to go back.

A further one, when I was studying for my GCSEs, I told her that I wanted to be either a doctor or a vet. She immediately told me that I wasn't clever enough for that which really demotivated me when revising. I still did very well and in hindsight, with her encouragement, would have had a very good chance of getting into these careers. I am actually pretty bright!

There's so many similar examples and whenever I watch competitions or videos of all these people talking about their life or competing at a high level, I get a twinge of sadness that that maybe could have been me. I feel sad that she didn't push me to develop my talents and encourage me to reach my goals.

Listen my kids can’t do many things because we can’t afford it. But minimising the OP’s childhood experiences is also not helpful. And telling her ‘she should have done better.’ And that she must ‘move on.’
Apply this to any scenario with an abusive parent and see how awful that sounds.

Hmmm

You don't really need parental input to study or to run if you're really driven and talented.

I don't think you should blame your parents. If you had passions and a true drive you'd have made it. And you would need both to make it, not because of your parents support or encouragement.

When DS really wants something he's relentless.

Think of the athletes that come from disadvantaged countries and use any resource to practice.
Think of footballers who made it out of poverty. They all did nothing but play football anywhere.

She may or may not have the smarts for it. She WANTED to be. Jesus. The snark on this thread is really something else to somebody who clearly had a difficult childhood.

Well my “idea” would be to accept that your parents weren’t willing to subsidise your ludicrously expensive and time consuming hobby on the off chance you could have competed for your country and then got on with leading your life and earn a living.

If you accept that then you're saying all elite sport, and things like being a professional musician too, are the preserve of the children of wealthy parents, and you're saying that if you've got the talent but your parents don't care enough, then tough, out to the factory line for you. So much for meritocracy.

@NorthEnd currently a consultant with one of the big 4.

Most of the athletes who make it out of disadvantaged countries do so because they are spotted by a coach and picked out and given sponsorship and help. I think if you look at the roster of successful people in sport there is a VERY small proportion of those who did so without active parental support or support from a parent like figure.

@PotolBabu, thank you for sticking up for me

Seriously OP, you really need to get over this.

It's hard, as a parent you can't win. Yes, sports lessons are expensive, so are music lessons. Some sports facilities are difficult to get to and yes, they are grim. My kids stopped their swimming when the local pool was renovated because the other pool is miles away and you know what, I was quite relieved because they are so expensive. DS1 told me he'd like to stop his piano lessons and I was like ' are you sure honey' but secretly doing a fist pump thinking about the money I'd save by not paying £80 a month on piano lessons. When he grows up and ends up in therapy because his mum didn't push him to play the piano... well that's where you are honey. There are no perfect parents.

As others have said, you can still do a medical or vet degree. I know a couple of people who did a medical degree as adults.
And long distance runners don't need to be young.

How do half of you think Andy Murray became one of the best tennis players in the world? It wasn't through inate talent that would have shone through regardless. It was because his parents encouraged him at every turn, ultimately sending him to school in Spain so he could receive top coaching.

Yet there might be any number of people, with better inate talent at tennis than Murray, whose parents said "No, I'm not paying for a racket. No, I'm not driving you across town to the tennis courts nor am I paying for lessons. Go do your homework instead". And if Andy Murray's parents had said that to him, Andy Murray would now be a shelf-stacker. No amount of "drive" in an 8-year-old can make up for the help you need that only parents can provide.

You are only in your 20s! You could go back to university, join an athletics club, do gymnastics or anything you fancy. Don't write off things now and say you are too old, you've got years ahead you yet and life is too short for what ifs.

I'm glad you still did well, even without their support.
There is still loads of time to achieve some of your goals, you are still really young

Most of the athletes who make it out of disadvantaged countries do so because they are spotted by a coach and picked out and given sponsorship and help.

Yes, because they've shown dedication and drive and skill. Because they love the sport. It's not kids who comment on being the only one because they don't even notice they're the only ones.

He didn't make it big, but my son's coach told them about walking miles just to get to a selection session. He couldn't afford the bus then.
That's a driven kid.

I sympathise.

I was accepted into medical school at 18.
My parents talked me out of it.
They refused to support me- and told me that being working class and being female meant I would fail.

A bit sad, but I have a happy life now.

OP have you heard of Masters athletics? You are still too young but it is entirely possible to compete at national and international level.

As others have said, join a running/cycling/triathlon club and see where it takes you. If you had the natural talent as a child, you could do very well. If you are really good it can be quite lucrative even if you are not elite, some races just give you a trophy for winning but others pay cash. I'm not very good at all but even I have picked up the odd trophy (and won £20 once!) in small local races. Go and give it a go and come back in a year's time and tell us how you've got on.

My friend took up triathlon in her twenties. Now she races for Great Britain for her age group.

clearly was a level of aptitude there

Of course, but children develop at different rates, so beating someone as a prepubescent at a primary school sports day isn't a clearcut sign of athletic greatness.

It is clear that you were dealt a ahitty hand parenting wise, but you seemed to lack drive. You were a member of an athletics club, but the first time it got a bit difficult you quit, you initiated that, not your parents. Admittedly they didn't beg or plead with you, but you chucked in the towel yourself, realistically that lack of resilience and determination didn't do you any favours. Likewise why didn't you join track and field teams at university?

I was studying for my GCSEs, I told her that I wanted to be either a doctor or a vet. She immediately told me that I wasn't clever enough for that which really demotivated me when revising

This struck a chord, in our household my sister was seen as the clever one. My mother told me much the same, but my response was not to roll over but to think 'fuck you, I'll show you you're wrong about me', rather than wilting likw a flower.

Career wise you’re in a great place. Do you enjoy consulting? If so I’m not sure why you’d switch to medicine as chances are you’d make more money by staying put.

If I were you I’d join a running club and take it from there.

I suspect theses posters here asking why you didn't push yourself more aged 7 etc and got the bus alone and paid for your sports are looking back at their own childhoods with blinkers on and are conveniently forgetting all the help and support their own parents gave them.

Yes but if your son got pleasure from music you would make those sacrifices. And if your son begged you for it, I hope you wouldn’t turn him down.

As I said music gives my son immense pleasure. He’s goood, very good, but already I can tell he’s not a prodigy. To me that doesn’t matter- we sacrifice for his music lessons because it gives him pleasure and he works hard.

I'm in my twenties now and too old to be successful in athletics or cycling because you have to have done it as a child and teen really.

Not true, if you have natural talent, you have it, join a running club, you will soon see just how good you are.

I never pushed my children to do homework or any thing like that, I figured if they want to do it they will do it. Never live your life blaming others for your failures, you are young, so get out and do what you want to do.

You can be a bit sad. I understand. However you can turn that sadness into motivation.

I wasn’t pushed either. I took up martial arts in my early 30s and now compete. I’m 37 and finally starting my law post grad qualifications and will train to be a barrister afterwards. You are young. Go and follow some dreams. The only thing holding you back is you.

If you're still in your 20s OP you could still make it in cycling, have a look at this article www.cyclingweekly.com/fitness/how-to-get-faster-as-you-get-older-172817

I think if you find your thoughts drifting to what ifs, it might well help you to redirect into positive things you can do now. You could train as a physiotherapist and move into sports medicine although perhaps not if that's likely to brew resentment ("it could have been me"). There are sports people who start later in life, it does depend on the sport. But whatever you do if you're going to reach full potential it will require immense motivation.

I suspect theses posters here asking why you didn't push yourself more aged 7 etc and got the bus alone and paid for your sports are looking back at their own childhoods with blinkers on and are conveniently forgetting all the help and support their own parents gave them.

Erm... bit judgey. One of my parents died when I was 10 and the other was too busy working to feed us to 'push me'. I still did OK thanks.

It's called self motivation for a reason.

I don't sit there and whinge about 'what could have been' or blame either parent for anything I did or didn't achieve (especially 15 years later!).

OP, you can either waste your energy with the world's smallest violin, or get on, get up and do what YOU WANT to do in life. This is one of the most irritating posts I've ever read.

I know EXACTLY what you mean!! My brother and I were good athletes and could have excelled at any number of sports but my parents would never have supported or funded it, far less put themselves out to drive us to events!! My academic success was entirely down to me, they wouldn't have cared if I revised or not. I feel sad for you too!! Haven't RTFT as wanted to reply. Honestly if you are in your twenties it certainly is not too late either to train for a different career or to excel in sport, cycling and long distance running for example are sports where people can definitely improve with age so go for it!! I am the opposite of my parents, a large proportion of my salary goes on extra curricular activities and any enthusiasm or talent for anything will be supported and funded as far as it goes (obviously within slight reason!). And if they end up just average, but enjoy it and it helps keep them healthy, then that's fine too!