To be a bit sad that my parents didn't push me more as a child?

[Cleopatramanuf]

I've been reflecting on everything lately and feel a bit sad, like I've missed out on things which I could have been really great at and enjoyed.

For example, in primary school, I was very good at athletics. I was always chosen to represent my school at athletics competitions and would often get through to the final against the best other kids in the (very large) county and win. My sports teacher at the time was always telling me and my parents that I have great aptitude and that I should really keep up athletics after leaving primary school. My high school didn't have any athletics and so I asked my parents if I could go to one out of school. They agreed but I was very shy and came home and told them that I enjoyed it but felt shy. Rather than encouraging me to keep going, my mum just said 'oh well, you should quit then, no fun to be doing it on your own'. Now I wish she'd encouraged me to stick at it, I could have done really well!

Another thing, gymnastics as a child. I loved it. My mum stopped taking me because the centre was a bit grimy. I begged her to let me carry on but she just said no after that rather than looking for a different centre for me to go to.

Another example, I went to a cycling velodrome as a kid with a friend's parent and won loads of the races. The instructor came up to my friend's mum specifically to tell her that I showed real possibility and should go back. When she told my mum, my mum just scoffed and said 'bet they say that to all the kids' and left it there. I never got to go back.

A further one, when I was studying for my GCSEs, I told her that I wanted to be either a doctor or a vet. She immediately told me that I wasn't clever enough for that which really demotivated me when revising. I still did very well and in hindsight, with her encouragement, would have had a very good chance of getting into these careers. I am actually pretty bright!

There's so many similar examples and whenever I watch competitions or videos of all these people talking about their life or competing at a high level, I get a twinge of sadness that that maybe could have been me. I feel sad that she didn't push me to develop my talents and encourage me to reach my goals.

Well yes, but as a child I was naturally very shy and needed a bit of encouragement to do things with new people. That didn't mean that I didn't enjoy athletics though!

Look at Kristin Armstrong www.verywellfit.com/olympic-sports-youre-not-too-old-for-4075439 no excuses other than yourself now if you really want it.

I know I can do it as a hobby and plan on doing that

Plan? It's time to start, OP, it's all down to you now! Put the blame game behind you and move forward. What are you doing now?

I think you have to accept what you can’t control or change.

I have ongoing mental health issues due to my incredibly pushy parents.

It is what it is, you are where you are - what are you going to do now for your future?

I do think you're getting a hard time OP. I got lots of support for sports when I was younger, so know that the only reason I didn't fulfil my athletics talent was down to me. I just hated training for athletics as I only did it because I loved winning. My parents treated my brother the same and he competed for GB until early injury stopped him.

However, there was a sport I loved that my parents stopped paying for me to go to, as it overlapped with my brother's football. And I very occassionaly think 'what if'...as unlike athletics, I genuinely enjoyed that sport. I'm just trying to say that there is a big difference when parents support you in a sport as I had both experiences growing up.

Anyway, the chances of making it to the Olympics for anyone, parental support or otherwise, are very slim and most international athletes make very little money unless they're Jessica Ennis. So they are mainly doing it for fun and personal challenge. There's nothing stopping you from doing those sports for those same motivations now OP.

No it isnt. Some people are naturally outgoing, gregarious and throw themselves into the mix

It’s still perfectly natural for some children not to be outgoing though, and it has no bearing on their interest or aptitude for something. Sometimes kids need a bit of encouragement and coaching to grow their confidence. That’s parenting.

Sounds like a lot of resentment towards you family but forget that and just get on with your own life. Students studying graduate entry medicine (GEM) can access loans and some bursaries. In the first year you have to pay something towards the fees yourself about £3k (I think) but after that the NHS picks up some of the tab and the rest can be funded through loans. If you get into GEM and stick out the first year you are a very low risk to the loans companies. They will get their money back so they will lend to you.

@villanelle that's very inspiring!
I currently run and have recently taken up rock climbing. I start a training course in rock climbing next week and intend to put a lot of effort into that.

Is it too late for me to get started in gymnastics? Like even to do as a hobby at a local club? Also, pole vault looks like great fun but I haven't been able to find any athletics clubs which do this. Does anyone know about a way in to pole?

I went back to university at 35 to do the degree I felt I always should have done. It was the best move I ever made. It changed my life and I'm now half way through my PhD and looking at new, much more exciting career options.

I also know people who were really keen, active, well parentally supported with sports as kids but it took them until adulthood to start achieving the 'notable' success. One of them got onto a national team in his thirties.

You've still got everything to play for OP. You can either keep laming your parents, as I had done as well to be fair, or just crack on now.

Quite frankly if you had it in you you would have achieved these things. You can’t blame others for your own short comings. My mother was also a bit of a bitch (regularly telling me I was stupid etc). I searched out and applied for scholarships to good schools and arranged to sit them and passed them myself. I did the same when looking for revision programs for medical school applications. I researched medical schools, applied, went to universities etc all myself. I didn’t have anyone telling me I was smart enough or making me study because that wouldn’t have helped me in the long run when eventually I would be left to do this stuff alone anyway. Smart, strong people succeed on their own merit. Those who are weak and are carried by supportive parents usually fail at some point as they get older.

You’re making excuses. I find people like you tiresome beyond all measures. It is not your parents fault, they found an athletics club and you quit. It was not their responsibility to continue pushing you to go. Sometimes you need to accept the blame and move on.

@Boggles so how, as a 7 year old, should I have driven myself to and paid for gymnastics and the velodrome?

I do think it is basic parenting to encourage a child to try things a few times before quitting because they're shy!

But nonetheless I can't change the past and know I need to find a way to stop dwelling on it

I thought "how sad" when I read your first post, and imagined you as someone in their fifties or sixties.

Then I read your update. you are in your twenties ffs.

In the kindest possible way , get off your arse and make yourself a life plan to fulfill your dreams, OK , realistically the athletic boat has probably sailed, but the academic one is still in harbour with plenty of room for passengers.

I know she also has arthritis in both hips, she must be a machine! Rock climbing looks fun! I’m 44 and looking into learning to horse ride. I watch pole vaulting in the Olympics (from the safety of my sofa) now that looks scary

I know what you mean OP, but it’s not too late too do it for yourself. My parents didn’t push me in anything. They were too busy, pretty self obsessed and TBH as very self motivated people themselves I don’t think the idea that someone needed pushing occurred to them. I left school with exam results that in no way reflected my ability but absolutely reflected the amount of effort I put in. I shut up and cracked on but secretly resented my parents for not supporting or pushing me more.

I did ok in life anyway , worked my way up to positions of responsibility in well paid industries but always felt a failure because I had failed at education. When I was 50 I started a 3 year MSc course at a Russell Group uni and eventually graduated with Merit. There was no one pushing me that time either but I had learned to push myself.

There was no way I could get myself to gymnastics and pay for it at age 7 by myself with no parental support.

No-one has suggested that you had to. But you could have told your parents that you wanted to continue doing it.

You could have done so in your teens. You could have done so aged 18 when you legally became an adult. But you didn't.

Stop blaming your parents for your lack of self motivation. That's down to you.

The chances of you becoming a world class athlete are slim to zero.

Your parents were not to blame in any way and sound great actually, having given up time, money and energy to give you these experiences in the first place.

If you want to be exceptional at something be it sport or medicine, as an adult you now need to put in the work and time and resources, end of. It is entirely down to you.

Your poor parents, you sound ungrateful and insufferable.

If they pushed you, you may well have resented that later on too though (and of course there's no guarantee that you'd have been successful even then).

I think it's unhelpful to blame your parents for not being an Olympic gold medalist or a high flyer, especially as it doesn't sound like you were insistent carrying on with things either, so it's unlikely they knew how strongly you felt.

What is your first degree in? If it's related (eg Pharmacy/Biomedical Science) and you did really well, you may be able to get straight onto a conversion course. Might be a good idea to see first if you'd get accepted as it is very competitive. If you don't have a strong foundation in science (A levels etc), you can start building it now.

You can't change the past, but you can do your best to change the future if you feel strongly enough. Or stop blaming others.

@BogglesGoggles oh do stop it. The williams sisters, Andy Murray, tiger woods, Lewis Hamilton - they wouldn't have got anywhere without their parents and I defy anyone to call them "weak".

I doubt any athlete has excelled at a young age in their sport without the support and belief of an adult (whether that's a parent or a dedicated school coach who also funds them). And the reality is, most sports require the athlete to start performing at high level during childhood in order for them to make it as a pro in adulthood.

I suspect you only posted to show off how you singlehandedly birthed and raised yourself.

Seriously I think you need to get a grip.

Life is full of what ifs and missed opportunities!
What you need is an exciting plan for your future OP that taps into your current interests and abilities.

I get you OP, I had a similar time of it. I showed talent at ballet but as soon as I showed the first sign of not wanting to go my mum pulled me out of the class. A friend who did it with me said years later that she could never understand why I quit because I was the most talented member of that particular class. She said the teacher had said the same thing.

I wasn't encouraged with my GCSEs and did a very average job of those.

I know I was just as responsible for that but speaking as a mother to a very intelligent but lazy DS if I let him rest on his laurels he won't achieve what he wants to achieve. So I think there's a fine line between encouraging and pushing and my parents just thought "ah she doesn't want it, can't force her" straight away.

I did tell my parents I wanted to go! Read my op where I said I 'begged' them!
My mum was a terrifying woman, emotionally abusive at times. I was forbidden from getting the bus alone until I was 16 and was not allowed to get a job until university. I don't want to go into it here but i lived in fear of displeasing my mother because she was terrifying.

I'm not that far off 18 and went straight to university. I'm now looking at getting into gymnastics now so I think you're being very unfair!

If you're interested in running, all of the top ultra runners are in their 40s- onwards.

(I think this is probably because ultrarunning is less about physicality and more about mental determination. - proven by the fact that women are just as good as, if not faster than, men)