To be a bit sad that my parents didn't push me more as a child?

[Cleopatramanuf]

I've been reflecting on everything lately and feel a bit sad, like I've missed out on things which I could have been really great at and enjoyed.

For example, in primary school, I was very good at athletics. I was always chosen to represent my school at athletics competitions and would often get through to the final against the best other kids in the (very large) county and win. My sports teacher at the time was always telling me and my parents that I have great aptitude and that I should really keep up athletics after leaving primary school. My high school didn't have any athletics and so I asked my parents if I could go to one out of school. They agreed but I was very shy and came home and told them that I enjoyed it but felt shy. Rather than encouraging me to keep going, my mum just said 'oh well, you should quit then, no fun to be doing it on your own'. Now I wish she'd encouraged me to stick at it, I could have done really well!

Another thing, gymnastics as a child. I loved it. My mum stopped taking me because the centre was a bit grimy. I begged her to let me carry on but she just said no after that rather than looking for a different centre for me to go to.

Another example, I went to a cycling velodrome as a kid with a friend's parent and won loads of the races. The instructor came up to my friend's mum specifically to tell her that I showed real possibility and should go back. When she told my mum, my mum just scoffed and said 'bet they say that to all the kids' and left it there. I never got to go back.

A further one, when I was studying for my GCSEs, I told her that I wanted to be either a doctor or a vet. She immediately told me that I wasn't clever enough for that which really demotivated me when revising. I still did very well and in hindsight, with her encouragement, would have had a very good chance of getting into these careers. I am actually pretty bright!

There's so many similar examples and whenever I watch competitions or videos of all these people talking about their life or competing at a high level, I get a twinge of sadness that that maybe could have been me. I feel sad that she didn't push me to develop my talents and encourage me to reach my goals.

I’d say most don’t.

It wasn't a tryout. I think they were looking for an excuse to not take me back so jumped on me saying I felt a bit shy and actively discouraged me.

You’re giving different takes on this. What I got from it was they took you along, let you have a go and see how you got on and it just didn’t work out, you were shy etc.
Whereas if you’d had that steely determination as some people have suggested, it would have worked out as you wouldn’t have been complaining about being shy etc you’d have been showing them all you had drive and talent.

Stop going on about hypothetically getting buses and paying for it yourself at 7 🙄 they took you and paid for it but it didn’t work out. You’re making them out to be like Matilda’s family in some posts (though she did get herself to the library every day ) but painting a totally different picture in others.

It was the gymnastics and cycling I'm referring to in regards to being 7. I only said that I wish they had encouraged me to push past my shyness rather than encouraging me to quit

Well it sounds like you got to try out more activities than most OP.
Try to change your perspective a bit and look at all the opportunities you did have

she and her family sacrificed about 10 years of their life and it all came to nothing in the end

What a negative take. It didn't come to nothing. She had the opportunity to go to uni in America. Just because she didn't become a professional in that sport doesn't mean it didn't have value. My DC takes part in an activity at a high level. It demands huge committment on his part and ours. He never doesn't want to go to training. He has had plenty of knock backs but he perseveres because he enjoys it. He has met some fantastic people who are on his wavelength and has a social circle related to his activity. I really don't know if he will make it professionally but I know for sure that even if he doesn't it hasn't been a waste.

My secondary school didn't do athletics and had no proper facilities for it either.

What a negative take. It didn't come to nothing ... Just because she didn't become a professional in that sport doesn't mean it didn't have value.

It may feel like a very high price to pay for the result. She could still have gotten heaps out of doing sport at a more recreational level, without so much family sacrifice.

Same in terms of not being pushed academically (not the sports part - I was terrible at sports). My mum was quite happy with me being a secretary at 18 (nothing wrong with that but I wanted to go to uni). I did get there in the end - but my mum was always surprised when I did well, etc. It can badly mess with your self-esteem as I always have that ‘imposter’ syndrome in jobs etc., I’m bad at selling myself.

You're only in your 20s so plenty of time to do well in running! A 37 year old man won the Olympic Marathon in 1984.

Please don't write yourself off and just go for it but don't wait around. The running talent will still be there and you'll be mentally and physically fresh compared to the majority of top teenage runners who then don't run as adults due to boredom or injury from the sport (admittedly there are exceptions).

I was heavily pushed by my parents. Did well at O levels (11 at A and B grades) then rebelled and messed up academically thereafter. I also suffered from eating disorders and that is definitely down to a very pushy mother.

Pick a sport where people are often at their best well into their 30s and beyond. Distance running (especially ultramarathons) or rowing are good ones.
This guy started running in his 50s:
blog.strava.com/gene-dykes-marathon-world-record-run-17459/

I do think it is basic parenting to encourage a child to try things a few times before quitting because they're shy!

I agree with you OP. The parenting bar was set very low in the 70s. You sound multi-talented. I think you should follow your dreams. I think that's what people are trying to say on your thread, even if some of them can't say it in a nice way

@amaryllisnightandday you got it spot on and much more eloquently than I put it. The OP's mother held her back. Many posters on here have jumped on the pushy parent card but IMO the mother didn't put in much effort in trying to gently encourage her daughter beyond her shyness and used any excuse NOT to do things, even when the OP was begging.

Can anyone posting on here right now say that if their kids were begging them to do something they loved and were good at, that you wouldn't try to make it work for them?
At the stage the OP was at all she was asking was for her mum to take her to gymnastics, not pay for Olympic boot camp for x amount of years. The OP may not have competed at international level, or even national level but the point is that she never got the chance to even just do her thing and enjoy it because her Mum couldn't be arsed putting in a little effort. That's the issue here!

My sibling was encouraged to follow a parental proposed career path. They joined a volunteer organisation that was the beginning of this career. They decided it wasn't for them & found a completely different career path that they enjoyed.
I think that this is all part of growing up
Just because someone suggests something, it doesn't mean that it is right for everyone
Similarly, you can find elderly people doing all kinds of sport & activities & breaking world records
The important thing is to find the time, energy, passion & sometimes money to do your own hobbies
Break the goals that you set yourself, meet new people, pick yourself up when you fail, try new things
I was recently on an activity day & one of the activity leaders said I 'was not suitable to go on a Segway'. I looked at him & laughed, because the previous day, I'd been galloping on a horse !

As I said, I did gymnastics as a child, several times a week. It was not a cheap sport. Initially, my parent drove me to the sport stadium, then I had to catch 2 buses.
I had to pass an initial fitness exam to gain entry to the club
Perhaps, your parent could not afford this sport ?

I would say if you're still in your 20s, then go for it.

I had a complete career change in my 20s when I didn't manage to get into what I had wanted to do originally, and decided that chasing that dream any further was probably not a good idea.

But I have spent almost 20 years in a job which, like many, has been getting worse and worse because I am the breadwinner in the family; we have dependent DC and DW has health problems which mean that when the DC were young she was an SAHM and now she can only manage working part-time. I have been stuck in this job unable to take risks that could imperil the family.

Now I am 61, and an opportunity that I have been chasing for 10 or more years has finally come my way. I am too old now to do make a full career from it, but I am trying to decide whether to kick the day job, draw on some pension, and throw myself into it, or whether I still need that security of a known salary at the end of the month.

Ultimately, we all end up with regrets and wonders as to what might have happened had things turned out differently, and some of that may be laid at our parents' door, since they chose where we were brought up and the schools that we went to. But as an adult you now have to take responsibility for your own aspirations. The past cannot be undone but the future still has possibilities.

Just decide what you want, and what your Plan B is, and go for it.

As a former gymnastics parent, I have to say it takes over virtually all family life. . fortunately I had 2 DDS in squad .If it had just been one of them we wouldn't have done it because it would not have been fair on the other to have to trail round after the gymnast all the time

I agree that parental support to succeed in sport is absolutely massive. A major part. As a swimmer it was my dad setting his alarm for 4am, to rouse me whining from my bed, to supply me with a sandwich and hot chocolate to drink in the car, to wait whilst I trained, and then get me back to school. I did the training, but everything else was my dad.

But, op, you are being absolutely and utterly ridiculous with this notion that you probably would have made it given support, because you were faster than a school friend at 9. (I've only read first hundred or so posts, but ops attitude has incensed me to post). It takes so so much to make it to the olympics, way more than I think you could possibly imagine op.
I don't know about athletics. I do know about swimming, and it's possibly similar. At 9, the tallest, strongest children win everything, as the distances are so short. Irrespective of talent. It makes fuck all difference to how they will perform at 15 once technique properly comes through. In fact, what tends to happen is those that win in primary School drop out once the others develop and come through as they can't handle it.
Also, there is a world of difference (in swimming again, sorry) between school swimmers and club swimmers. Club swimmers wouldn't waste their time with school swimming events!

I hope this thread is the start of something for you. I'm not sporty at all but I was lucky as my parents encouraged my interest in music and it's given me a lot of pleasure. My DSis, however, has given up every sport/hobby/interest she's ever tried. My own DD is shy and averse to joining in most group activities outside school. I find this frustrating as she seems to me to be very able physically.

They say the best revenge is a life well lived and I really believe that to be true.

Now I am 61, and an opportunity that I have been chasing for 10 or more years has finally come my way. I am too old now to do make a full career from it, but I am trying to decide whether to kick the day job, draw on some pension, and throw myself into it,

A couple or three of words of advice TalboAtman.

Just do it:-)

Now I am 61, and an opportunity that I have been chasing for 10 or more years has finally come my way. I am too old now to do make a full career from it, but I am trying to decide whether to kick the day job, draw on some pension, and throw myself into it,

A couple or three of words of advice TalboAtman.

Just do it:-)

As a gymnastics Mum...I shall share this. Just for those who have said about people who spent all that time, had 'no friends in school' and didn't make it, what a waste etc. My daughter now has an incredibly tight knit group of friends at gymnastics. Competitive route is completely different to taking a couple of rec classes a week. Who's to say I wouldn't move house at a later date to facilite her dreams if she had a chance to make it? Some people wouldn't do it. I would. You only get one shot.

One of my friends asked "Why do you pay so much money for your kids to do gymnastics?" Well I have a confession to make, I don't pay for my kids gymnastics classes as such.
So, if I am not paying for gymnastics, what am I paying for?

• I pay for those moments when my kids become so tired they want to quit but don't.
• I pay for those days when my kids come home from school and are "too tired" to go to gymnastics but go anyway.
• I pay for my kids to learn to be disciplined.
• I pay for my kids to learn to take care of their body.
• I pay for my kids to learn to work with others and to be good team mates.
• I pay for my kids to learn to deal with disappointment, when they don't get that score they'd hoped for, but still have to work hard in the competition
• I pay for my kids to learn to make and accomplish goals.
• I pay for my kids to learn that it takes hours and hours and hours and hours of hard work and practice to create a champion, and that success does not happen overnight.
• I pay for the opportunity my kids have and will have to make life-long friendships.
• I pay so that my kids can be in the gym instead of in front of a screen...

...I could go on but, to be short, I don't pay for gymnastics, I pay for the opportunities that gymnastics provides my kids with to develop attributes that will serve them well throughout their lives and give them the opportunity to bless the lives of others. From what I have seen so far I think it is a great investment!

Coastal, did you say your child is 6? And you force her to continue when she says she’s tired?
You do know a child can grow to be disciplined and focused and have friends without hours and hours and hours of training a week?
Sorry but that is definitely not for me.

I sympathise with the OP. I am not sporty in the least and my parents weren't abusive but they could be terribly cutting and distant but quick to point out the negatives of any ideas I had for future plans, and made me feel crap a lot of the time for my weight (which fell off as a teenager), shyness and bookishness. I was an extremely bright child then rebelled somewhat after being bullied and belittled for years for being a 'boff' and so lost my way a bit and moved out young.

I too feel that with a bit more empathy, confidence building and some encouragement and guidance I would've made better early choices and done better.

I am in a good job now though, went to a very good uni and am working towards retraining in medicine but I still have to ignore their insensitive comments sometimes.

OP, your childhood was really hard but you sound as though you have a lot of pluck and smarts. Use them and don't look back and enjoy your new sporting endeavours!

@CoastalWave that's cut and pasted from somewhere else, I've seen it before.

OP I feel for you. For many reasons I wasn't given opportunities as a child and I'm resentful. I can't help it.

You're parents sound dismissive. There was nothing you could do about that. And those saying that if you'd wanted it enough you'd have made it happen are being ridiculous.

One of my DC's plays a sport at a high level. As parents we commit a huge amount of time as energy to facilitate it. Without our support, they couldn't do it.

hmmm the number of elite athletes who end up in rehab for one reason or another...or find they have to go back after deciding to retire because they can't cope mentally without the endless training is truly horrifying.

And that's the successful one's you hear about. God knows what the levels of depression and mental ill health are in the thousands and thousands of people who never quite made it, or suffered career ending injuries before making it into the public eye.

The sacrifice your life (and others lives) on the altar of obsessive training mode of achieving goals looks a bit shit and not great for long term resilience if you ask me.

I'd support my kid to follow a passion, but I'd also be careful to support breadth and taking time to make sure my child has many ambitions, and goals not just one all consuming one, that she would be left bereft if it fell through.

Movies and social media have a lot to answer for in terms of promoting unhealthily obsessive behaviour as a positive mental trait.

My eldest is great at singing. I’ve encouraged it but not pushed hard. She quit choir because she prefers to play with friends instead, it’s a shame but I can’t force her. I pay £3k pa for my two to attend a weekend activity which they sometimes don’t want to do, but long term is good for them. If they really didn’t want to go why would I push them? It’s a lot of effort, they have a shit ton of homework at primary school, never mind high school level of intensity.

I’d love them to be tenacious enough to push to do an activity but they aren’t, and I suspect you weren’t as keen as you remember or you’d have pushed more as a teen. I suspect your own kids getting to that age will bring a new understanding of the realities of parenting. I’m also a strong believer in letting kids be kids. Seven is still very young, my seven year old is still clingy, tantrums and tires easily.