To wonder why my husband is incapable?

[eeva90]

Long time lurker, first time poster...

DM and MIL have the same birthday. DH and I have been together 6 years and this has never been an issue. He will do something with MIL and I will do something with DM. Last year he went to MIL's and I took DS to DM's.

DM and MIL both have meals planned for this Sunday at similar times (v inconvenient). MIL has decided she would like her grandchildren there which is fine. I would like to see DM as DB is bringing his new GF to the meal and I want to meet her! I have said to DH, take the kids with you to the meal as MIL would love to spend the day with them.

DH is point blank refusing to take DC by himself. Says 2 kids is too much to handle (despite me doing it everyday). I have told him that MIL would be very hands on (as she always is with the kids) so he wouldn't be alone.

DH is now calling me selfish and unreasonable for 'ruining his mother's birthday because I won't take the kids!' Despite me being happy for DC to go with him...

AIBU? Or is he?

Another one here thinking that by going away with the children he now has the space he wants. Fwiw I have 2y3m and 1y3m boys. I went back to work evenings when the youngest was eight months. DH had to suck it up. And ds2 was very very clingy to me so it pretty much took a couple of months of unsettled behaviour.

Has he come home yet @eeva90 ?

From what you've said, if you'd wanted things more even over the last six years I think you'd be thinking about him differently.

Ah, I’m so sorry, OP. I was hoping he was a blow-up-then-calm-down type, not a stay-out-all-night attention seeking man baby.

Glad your parents are on side. Stay strong.

He's not incapable of doing his share at home and with his children; he's unwilling. That's inexcusable

What a selfish twat he is not to come home, hoping you'll continue to pander to him like his mother does.

I'm sorry, OP. I'm glad you're standing up for yourself and realising you have to set the tone that your children will grow up seeing and emulating ... hopefully the man-child will pull his head out of his arse and sort himself out.

This is the first time op 'has stepped out of line' though. It might kick him in to touch or he can't accept it.

Hope you are ok OP. I hope he gets a fright when he comes home to an empty house

Still not home. Thanks for all your posts about your exes etc, really puts things into perspective that they're exes not currents!

I haven't spoken to him. DF wants to change the locks on the house to give him the shock of his life! Going out for a drink tonight with DM, my cousin and my auntie and lovely DF is going to look after DC! This will be the third time in 6 months that I have gone out without a child in tow.

I'm not going to back down now. He either shows me he can change or I'll show him the door.

ha you should let DF change them! Enjoy your night out eeva, you deserve it

Well done @eeva90 it's no fun being married to a manchild who resents looking after his own children.

Great plan. Glad to hear you're are going out for a drink. Stand your ground! Enjoy this evening!

Wow! Loving your df he puts your husband to shame!

I second letting df change locks sounds like he is practical sort who could do this easily.

Your husband needs to grow the fuck up but to be honest as per many similar threads it seems you knew what he was like before you had dc so why do so? Why stay with him?

Why do women think they will change!? People don't change, not fundamentally. Who a person is at heart by the time they're properly into adulthood doesn't change.

God OP I'm sorry. I thought he was being bloody pathetic but I had no idea he'd escalate to not coming home. I don't think I'd ever be able to get over DH deliberately "punishing" me like that for refusing to cover for him. Take care of yourself and I'm glad you're going out tonight.

I don't know if changing the locks is worth the aggro it will probably create but I don't blame your DF for being angry. I don't see how your marriage can go back to how it was, certainly.

What a fucking tosser

Well done OP

Your DF sounds like he's got the right idea, he's a legend. Enjoy your evening, it sounds like just what you need.

I love your dad! Putting your shoes to shame!

Well that escalated quickly!

Not shoes obviously! DH

OMG! Poor you OP. It speaks volumes your DF is capable of looking after both DC's tonight (presumably a senior citizen) but not your own husband!

It sounds like a great idea for you to go out with your Aunt & DM.

I do wish your MIL was aware of this. Is she on good terms with your parents?

Sending you luck and positive thoughts OP.

Jesus that escalated fast! I know it's totally beside the point but DM is going to be distraught that her birthday was the catalyst for this!

He's been impossibly selfish and a total dictator, you're doing the right thing.

What a twat. Id imagine hes feeling rather pleased with himself, imagining that you are sat at home waiting for him, subtibly chastised by his 'punishment' of staying out and then going straight to work. Good on you for not playing his game, have a good time tonight and stay strong! What time does he usually get in from work?

Great msg @eeva90

Your DH is a lazy and entitled @@@@!!

Hope his mother sorts him out! 😁

Actually, I am trying to envisage OP's Dad putting her shoes to shame.

I like that one .

Oh, and do have a nice time with your Mum tonight.

@MyKingdomForBrie that’s exactly what I was thinking! Poor MILs perfectly normal request to see her grandchildren on her birthday has started quite the chain of events. What a monumental shithead her precious boy is. I would be devastated if a son of mine behaved like this towards his wife and children.