For not wanting to holiday abroad?

[chocolatelog]

Myself and 4 out of 5 of the children haven't been abroad. We don't even have passports.

Dh and the 3 oldest all want to go on holiday this year. Dh has found a holiday for 10 days in Spain and is pressuring me to go but I've got zero interest. My eldest (17) has been with her friends family so she's got the bug and is begging me to go.
A part of me feels like I should go because before long the kids will be older and won't be interested in going with us, but I just can't be bothered with it all. I filled in one passport form and that was enough to make me go 🙈 it took 5 attempts at getting it wrong, so the thought of filling in 5 people's worth is enough to put me into an early grave!

The two youngest are 5 and 2 and I feel like it won't really be an enjoyable experience for me, dh is very hands on with them but I'm a stress head and get into rage pretty quickly 😬

Plus the money for passports and the actual holiday for 7 people makes me think we could use it for better things, we both need a new cat each and I'm thinking I'd rather those than a pissing holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't know if my attitude to it all is because I've never been abroad, I'm quite happy to spend a week in Cornwall or Dorset or anywhere else that this country has to offer. The thought of flying and watching the kids like a hawk just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Is it a case of what you've never had you never miss? Or should I just put my happy face on and agree to going?

Disappointed the 'new cat each' was a typo, you had me really interested in that lol 😂

I'd give it a go, you might surprise yourself and have a lovely time!

I thought it was pretty obvious from the style of Ops posts that she's depressed, it oozes out of her replies.

I love traveling abroad but in this case I would recommend that you don't do it op. If you're going to be left to do all the grunt work, it's not going to do your health any good imo.

I know you say that your DP is great, but you haven't, I don't think, explained why he can't fill in the forms? Why is he not concerned about your health more?

Good for you on not flying - the planet will thank you

Must admit, I've found a great app that has been a lifesaver when travelling - Colorscape app. Keep the kids entertained for ages. Take a any picture from your iphone (special day out, your kid, your pet or stuffed animal maybe) and turn it into a line drawing that you can either color in digitally (no wifi required so perfect for the plane or car journey!) or print and your child can colour in! Hours and hours of coloring fun, plus you can take a photo on the plane and colour it in then and there! itunes.apple.com/us/app/colorscape-color-your-photos/id1054822637?mt=8 smile

Depression does not equal closed-mindedness. And the OP has exhibited a lot of that ... ‘ no interest in going abroad’ etc

As far as I'm aware, one of the symptoms of depression is that you lose interest in things you normally enjoy, so I think it's safe to assume that at the same time you would have no interest in doing things you've never even tried before.

I must say, self-catering holidays for families sound like hell on earth for mothers (I realise this is a sweeping generalisation but a fair one I think). Just the same shit as home but in a strange kitchen. If I were you OP, I would agree to go on holiday but not this one. Somewhere hot with a pool by all means, but somewhere you can see some history etc. And NOT self-catering. We go self-catering quite often but there are only two of us and it basically means we're under no pressure to get up for breakfast and we eat out the whole time anyway.

I can see you have your problems right now but travel is a wonderful thing. We got back from a trip to Europe on Sunday and I am still fizzing with excitement and banging on about it and boring the shit out of everyone I know!

Make your DH step up. You clearly struggle with forms. Tell him until they have been correctly filled in BY HIM, then he shouldn't book anything. Because you are absolutely not going to stress yourself out over this.

OP re the ADs, you should really think about taking them as prescribed.

They aren't magic - my mum was on them when she killed herself. But the ADs weren't the reason she did that, any more than they were the cause of your aunt's breakdown. Obviously in both cases the predisposition was there (hence the meds!) It's just sometimes not enough sadly.

But it's worth a try at least; make sure you check in with your doctor about any side effects that concern you for help managing them; but can you imagine how good it would feel for the cloud to lift, even a little, for the anxiety to calm? They won't make everything better, but they MIGHT give you the headspace to see what would. And if you don't like what they do to you, you can stop. Please give yourself a chance to feel better.

Going abroad with five children does sound like a nightmare and it took me three attempts to get my son’s first passport application completed last year so understand the hassle there. I also felt that holidays were money better spent on something tangible and we didn’t go for several years while we saved for a house.

I just think that the others are obviously keen so go ahead and bite the bullet, try it once and if you hate it then agree you don’t have to go again and dh will take the older dc next time or come to some other arrangement? You might surprise yourself and really enjoy it!

You were confused by black pen and block capitals? do you manage to hold down a job?

I'm sorry to read you have depression and anxiety op. I can understand under these circumstances why it might be unappealing. But, if you can change your mindset and get better from this, going abroad is a really fantastic thing for kids to do. Even just taking a ferry over to northern France is an adventure and a chance to experience something different.

I've no interest in seeing other country's. I don't like sunbathing I can't relax. I went on a spa day once and laying around the pool did my head in. I can't stitch off and am not one for laying about.

"other countries" aren't just about laying by the pool. Why don't you do some research to get you excited about visiting somewhere. There are some amazing cities with all the activities and food you listed where each family member could pick different activities - e.g. Barcelona. Food, walking, sights, reading, swimming etc. You can't just say "the kids wouldn't like it" - you are the PARENT and your job is to engage them and open their eyes to the world and all to has to offer! Let them have a day swimming followed by a day doing cultural stuff you like. Why would you choose to limit their experiences by staying in the UK? And don't say money because that only came into after people started questioning you.

You need to take responsibility for your relationship, and your mental health imo. Get some therapy if you don't want to take AD's and step up for your kids.

I must say, self-catering holidays for families sound like hell on earth for mother

I love self catering! Have breakfast stuff ready to for the mornings, and eat out for the other meals. I love having a choice of restaurants and no one nagging about being hungry when they get up 😂

How do you know you are not going to like it if you’ve never done it? I’m confused?

We never used to go abroad because we had dogs so took them with us in the UK.
Once they passed away we went abroad. For example twice year twice, so far once this year., one booked for next year- all cheaper than we used to pay for 7 days in the UK! My kids have visited 6 countries now and they love it. One is off to the States soon too (I’m jealous). It’s given them so much more knowledge of the world. Allowed them to experience different cultures, taste different food (thankfully they will eat anything), visit some amazing things we don’t have in this country. Both on land and at/in the sea.

Seriously OP give your children this opportunity if you can afford it.

This is one of the saddest things I have ever read on here. Having kids, one of the biggest and most exciting things about parenthood is widening your children's horizons and helping them to see and meet people from all walks of life. Teaching them to be brave, explore and be compassionate to their fellow people. I have 4 kids. I also have crushing anxiety as I am bipolar and have PTSD from child hood sexual abuse and am physically disabled too. But I make myself do things for my kids. I have taken them to Malta, Spain, France, Tunisia, Portugal and this year they are touring Europe with their Dad. Did I struggle to fill in forms? sure. Did i find it difficult to save when my poor impulse control said "buy the shoes"? yes I did. Did my anxiety over the Tunisia bombing almost make me never take them away again? YES! But by pandering to my demons I deny my kids the right to explore and me the satisfaction of seeing their excitement. And My kids are incredibly well rounded, confident, high achievers and I know travel has played a part in that .

I never went abroad anywhere with my parents, never went anywhere in this country unless it was related to my dads work and that was only 2-3 times. I resented it massively, my cousins and friends all got to go away on planes and see other countries....my mum and dad could never be bothered, neither had a passport and just wanted to stay in their semi and for life to plod along. They saved for a rainy day instead and have nothing to show for it apart from a few k in the bank.

My memories with my kids are priceless.We celebrated Greek orthodox Easter with friends in Corfu and they had bright red eggs and learned about the symbolism and how the same celebration can vary between religious offshoots within the same religion. They know about the geothermal pools in Iceland and how they smell like sulphur and burn your nose and can be boiling hot. They learned how to attract fire flies in Portugal by the stream in the villa we stayed in. They can identify all sorts of plants and trees across Europe and love going on reptile hunts with me and their dad. They lit candles in a dozen beautiful maltese churches to celebrate the anniversary of their Nanna's death as she loved the religious iconography of Malta. They loved tapas in Madrid and harvesting their own oranges to make marmalade in Seville. And next to all that, my anxiety and depression pales into insignificance. My kids have so many beautiful amazing memories and I made them happen (whether I wanted to or not, it's what I had to do).

BlackPrism

You were confused by black pen and block capitals?do you manage to hold down a job?

I doubt it, seeing as she's suffering from depression and anxiety, AND she's got 5 kids, one below school age.

@Strugglingtodomybest well she didn't always have 5 kids... did she have a job before then? How does she manage 5 kids if she can't figure out basic instructions ?

well she didn't always have 5 kids... did she have a job before then?

How should I know? And what's it got to do with anything anyway?

@BlackPrism oh sod off you goady fucker. Depression can make you mentally sluggish; anxiety can make you struggle to begin tasks in case you fail. Stop ignoring the context of the OP's posts because you want to stick the boot in to someone.

@GreytExpectations no ones being a martyr 😂 I had 5 children because I wanted too and expected it to be busy 😂😂😂 Jesus woman give it a rest.

Also the chose the holidays in this country, it's what they wanted to do not mine lol.

@Puzzledandpissedoff I couldn't tell you their reasons for no holidays. My parents didn't go on holidays abroad maybe because their parents didn't. But that means nothing. My siblings do so..

@MuseumofInnocence I wasn't always like this. I was going abroad at one point about 9 years ago but the bride to be cancelled. I've only been like this for the last couple of years.

YABVU, and really selfish. You think your children aren’t being deprived of anything but they are; you just don’t realise it because you’ve deprived yourself too.

You’re coming up with every excuse under the sun not to go, but what it really boils down to is that you are letting your anxiety rule your family’s life, and that’s exceptionally selfish.

I say that as someone who was virtually housebound with anxiety for many years. You won’t get better if you won’t try, and you aren’t trying. You need to push yourself; it’s the only way you’ll get better.

Else you’ll wallow like you are doing now, convince yourself you and your children are not missing out/wouldn’t like it etc. etc. when the harsh reality is that they are missing out because of your refusal to push yourself to get well and they would enjoy experiencing new cultures.

You will also pass this anxiety and insular world view onto your children, just like your parents did to you and their parents did to them. Break the cycle.

@Strugglingtodomybest he could do the forms. But it's when ever he gets round to it. Which will be never lol

Jesus woman give it a rest.

Give what exactly a rest? My replies because you dont like them or agree to them? Im afraid to say thats not how AIBU or internet forums work really. But im struggling to find the truth in some of your replies now.