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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake-gate

529 replies

8Wina4 · 23/04/2019 23:59

I work in an office environment, in a team of around 20. Before the Easter weekend, I was chatting in the staff room on a break about how I've recently really got into baking, and one of my colleagues jokingly said that she wouldn't mind if I bought some cake to work for her to try. I promised I'd bring some home made cakes in after Easter.

Fast forward to today. I take in four different homemade cakes. I also took in some little vegan cake bites from Tesco, as we have 2 vegans in the office and I wanted them to be able to eat something nice too (everything I baked had flour/eggs in)

One of the vegans approached me at lunch, and told me that she was really disappointed that I hadn't made the effort to home bake anything vegan, and that I had promised homemade cakes, so I should have provided that for everyone. She said she didn't like the vegan cakes I'd bought from Tesco, and that she was fed up with being left out of team lunches/treats.

I was a bit taken aback, so apologised. But the more I think about it, the more I think she was actually the unreasonable one...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
whywhywhy6 · 24/04/2019 00:02

YANU
She is rude and ungrateful. I’d keep clear of the crazy in future.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 24/04/2019 00:03

What a CF! I'd just bring in normal cakes and not bother trying to accommodate her. Or make a slightly smaller one for her and smear it with beef dripping or something.
I am a cold hearted meat eating bitch though. Grin

ValiaH · 24/04/2019 00:03

She was unreasonable! You remembered vegan cakes, she wasn't left out.

GruciusMalfoy · 24/04/2019 00:03

She was totally unreasonable. And ungrateful. Did she also expect you to have made some some gluten free, or maybe some sugar free for the diabetics... what about protein bars for people who don't eat carbs? Nonsense.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/04/2019 00:05

yanbu, she was bloody rude. You went out of your way to provide her cake.

Can you make a really hideous vegan cake for her?

WhileLottaLottie · 24/04/2019 00:05

But you didn't leave her out. You wen tout of your way to ensure there was a treat for her ungrateful bitch.... I eat an almost vegan diet mainly, occasional dairy.. I am not a vegan, I just like how I feel on an almost vegan diet), if that. Makes sense. And I had a similar situation in work once. I was very grateful the lady who baked whent out of her way to get me something too....she didn't have to do that she knows I am not a vegan for any other reason only I just enjoy the diet..

KateyKube · 24/04/2019 00:05

FFS she needs to get over herself. If you have special dietary needs you won’t always be catered for. That’s just how it goes! Doubly so when you consider that she doesn’t NEED to eat vegan - it’s a CHOICE. Unlike an actual food allergy. I’m allergic to eggs so I wouldn’t be able to partake of cake that someone brought in, and I’d be grateful if they brought me anything at all because I wouldn’t expect it.

Southlonmum · 24/04/2019 00:06

The lady has some major issues, vegan is her choice! Plus you even brought some for her so....she's the one in the wrong here

HeddaGarbled · 24/04/2019 00:06

I think if you’d made one cake, she’d be unreasonable to be aggrieved. But to make 4 different ones but none of them suitable for your two vegan colleagues does seem a little unkind. Homemade cakes and shop bought are not really comparable, are they?

Original poster
8Wina4 · 24/04/2019 00:11

That was my thought process... I felt like I had included her, but she said I hadn't as I had said that I would bring in homemade cakes, and she was really looking forward to home made cake rather than "a shitty half-stale afterthought from Tesco"

Firstly, I don't know how to make a cake without butter and eggs, and secondly, I never promised to make vegan friendly cakes - it never crossed my mind at the time of the conversation with the other colleague. It was whilst I was buying the ingredients that I remembered the vegans, and I scoured ingredient lists for ages to find something that they could enjoy too. I felt quite insulted.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 24/04/2019 00:13

Wow.
She was rude.
You were incredibly thoughtful to get something for her.
It is a lifestyle choice she has made, knowing it is going to mean her missing out on treats a lot of the time. You could have (quite reasonably) "just" offered your home made goodies to those who chose to try them, but you were very generous and went out of your way, and out of your own pocket to go and get her a treat too, and she still complained.

YWNBU at all.
She was incredibly unreasonable.

Original poster
8Wina4 · 24/04/2019 00:15

I made a banana loaf, Victoria sponge, French apple cake and a lemon drizzle. It wasn't deliberate that none of them are vegan, the recipes I use call for eggs and butter. I know you can get dairy free butter, but how do you substitute eggs?! I've never made a vegan friendly cake before, and knowing my luck it'd probably go horribly wrong!

OP posts:
Rezie · 24/04/2019 00:15

Your colleague is a jerk. When you bring something just for fun (not something paid by work) it is nice to take everyone in consideration but not a necessity. Next them just bring a piece of cake to yourself.

EL8888 · 24/04/2019 00:15

She was incredibly rude, after you were so thoughtful to include her. YANBU. I wouldn’t know where to start making vegan cakes or biscuits?!

Preggosaurus9 · 24/04/2019 00:15

What a rude person! I have allergies which mean I can very rarely eat anything brought in. If someone does make the effort to bring something I can eat I'm always grateful! Otherwise I don't say anything.

She is just very very rude. You were thoughtful enough to bring something for her after all, you didn't have to do that.

gamerchick · 24/04/2019 00:16

It sounds as if she wanted your offerings to be all vegan so she could join in with everyone else.

Fuck them, take no more in future.

I do like the way people think you were being unkind, recently got into baking doesn't mean a flair for all 'food pain in the arses immediately'. I wouldn't bother in future, there will always be one who whinges

Original poster
8Wina4 · 24/04/2019 00:16

My last post was directed towards HeddaGarbled - sorry, forgot to tag.

OP posts:
KateyKube · 24/04/2019 00:18

Firstly, I don't know how to make a cake without butter and eggs
Why should you have to make the effort to learn how to bake vegan cakes? Investing time and money and chucking numerous failed cakes in the bin. Bringing something to share doesn’t mean you’re responsible for making sure it meets everyone’s dietary requirements. And I say that as someone with a food allergy who invariably gets left out when “normal” food is shared around.

Serenity45 · 24/04/2019 00:18

YANBU and actually very calm in the face of such rudeness. I thought it was really considerate of you to cater for the vegans.

dreichuplands · 24/04/2019 00:21

YANBU, maybe suggest that she brings in vegan cakes for everyone and shares her recipes with you? Are her cakes tasty? Or has she not bothered to bring anything in for you to eat.

mightskys · 24/04/2019 00:22

Gosh how rude!

if it was me, and If she hadn't been so rude I may have made a vegan cake in the future but I would definitely not be ditching the eggs and flour to suit her after that comment.

How did the other vegan respond? I would be tempted to make the other vegan a mini vegan cake that couldn't be shared Grin

We have a few diabetics in our office and they never complain that they can't eat the sweet treats and they even bring in sweets and cakes when it's their birthdays.

Original poster
8Wina4 · 24/04/2019 00:24

The other vegan colleague was really chuffed that I'd brought something in that she could eat. It was just the other one who was clearly very pissed off with me, making me wonder whether I was actually in the wrong.
Happy to see that the general consensus is that I wasn't.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 24/04/2019 00:28

I don't know how to make a cake without butter and eggs

There's this thing called Google.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 24/04/2019 00:28

That would be it for cakes I brought in. 'Would love to but tbh, X got really offended I didn't bring in specifically vegan homemade cake. My budget just doesn't extend to particular catering requirements so no more cakes, all.'

I'd have told her, 'Excuse me? I'm not running a catering company.'

Lweji · 24/04/2019 00:32

If she wants to be included, then she can take free home baked cakes for everyone.