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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake-gate

529 replies

8Wina4 · 23/04/2019 23:59

I work in an office environment, in a team of around 20. Before the Easter weekend, I was chatting in the staff room on a break about how I've recently really got into baking, and one of my colleagues jokingly said that she wouldn't mind if I bought some cake to work for her to try. I promised I'd bring some home made cakes in after Easter.

Fast forward to today. I take in four different homemade cakes. I also took in some little vegan cake bites from Tesco, as we have 2 vegans in the office and I wanted them to be able to eat something nice too (everything I baked had flour/eggs in)

One of the vegans approached me at lunch, and told me that she was really disappointed that I hadn't made the effort to home bake anything vegan, and that I had promised homemade cakes, so I should have provided that for everyone. She said she didn't like the vegan cakes I'd bought from Tesco, and that she was fed up with being left out of team lunches/treats.

I was a bit taken aback, so apologised. But the more I think about it, the more I think she was actually the unreasonable one...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
HBStowe · 24/04/2019 08:19

How fucking rude and entitled!!! You went above and beyond buying the vegan options imo. Some people just actively look for things to gripe about.

Veterinari · 24/04/2019 08:19

She was very rude but I kind of understand her upset. I have an allergy which means I often end up with shop bought biscuits when everyone else is tucking into yummy homemade cakes and it is quite ‘othering’.

As you went to the effort of making 4 very different cakes, could you not have made one a vegan one? Dairy free spreads are easy to substitute and flaxseed or apple purée can be used instead of eggs - it’s pretty easy. And there are plenty of recipes online.

Ultimately you did a nice thing and she was rude, but I wonder how often your vegan colleagues are left out at team lunches, cakes etc. It can get pretty wearing

ElektraUnchained · 24/04/2019 08:20

What a knob.

TheNavigator · 24/04/2019 08:21

Your colleague was rude and unreasonable. In your shoes, I would pass agg back - ask her to bring in a home made vegan cake, you would love to try it, then she can share the recipe with you and you can have a go. Of course, never actually bother baking a vegan cake - why would you? They are shit. My sister is vegan so mum always makes her vegan cakes - they taste of disappointment, really not worth the effort when cakes made with butter and eggs are so totally yum.

acatcalledjohn · 24/04/2019 08:22

Oh come on, the OP did think about the vegans.

I'd do the same despite my baking skills. I'd have no intention of ever faffing around with egg substitutes and chickpea water etc. I will bake things I like to bake, and not waste my time googling and trialling things, unless I have an interest in it myself.

You choose a vegan diet, you deal with it. It's no one else's responsibility.

YADNBU OP. Your vegan colleague is an entitled CF.

cakecakecheese · 24/04/2019 08:22

Did the other vegan say anything? You were being very kind and generous bringing food in for all your colleagues to share and there was no need for her to be so rude.

And why should the OP have to Google eggless cakes? She baked something that the majority would like and got something for the vegans. I wouldn't expect someone to not put marzipan on a cake just because I find the stuff evil and wrong if everyone else liked it.

BertrandRussell · 24/04/2019 08:23

She was rude and unreasonable. And has opened the door for the vegan bashers. Wind ‘em up and watch them run!

Figgygal · 24/04/2019 08:24

She's a dick and gives vegans a bad name

acatcalledjohn · 24/04/2019 08:24

mum always makes her vegan cakes - they taste of disappointment

Grin
BertrandRussell · 24/04/2019 08:25

“I wouldn't expect someone to not put marzipan on a cake just because I find the stuff evil and wrong if everyone else liked it“
You might be a bit pissed off if the baking person knew that but still out marzipan on all 4 cakes though.......

Yura · 24/04/2019 08:25

@Veterinari allergies are not a choice though. being vegan is a choice, and people are perfectly aware that it will mean they will have to compromise. I’m a lot more accommodating to allergies than to dietary choice.
i do make eggs and dairy free cakes etc (easy to exclude, plus i prefer them) but for something like nuts, i wouldn’t dare saying something is nut free because i can’t guarantee that it is as i have nuts in the kitcgen.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 24/04/2019 08:26

Maybe it's like vegan 'cheese' - you have to wean yourself off real cheese before you go to vegan as the difference is too marked

This is so true!! Grin still not found one I really like, which may be a blessing for my waistline...

acatcalledjohn · 24/04/2019 08:26

You might be a bit pissed off if the baking person knew that but still out marzipan on all 4 cakes though.......

It's the baker's prerogative, given it's their time and money that goes in to these bakes.

kateandme · 24/04/2019 08:28

no no no why are you even thinking of what makes a vegan cake.its her choice.not allergy.you are in the right she in the wrong.end of.
baking especially cake making is something even most chefs fear.because its such a precise process.its more a science the way things work together to form the resulting mix.one thing off and boom f* up cake.
please let her comments fly over your very kind baking head.

BertrandRussell · 24/04/2019 08:28

This is easy It does not contain chickpea water and tastes of lemon and kindness.

Hanumantelpiece · 24/04/2019 08:28

8w your college is rude and ungrateful.

If it's any consolation, it's really easy to make cakes with no egg or butter, I can direct you to some great recipes.
I learned to make vegan cakes a few years ago after people in my extended family became vegan. Now I tend to make all cakes without eggs or dairy. Nobody has noticed any differences.Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 24/04/2019 08:31

Bertrand

Thank you for posting that recipe Thanks

And love the "lemon and kindness"

NataliaOsipova · 24/04/2019 08:32

You choose a vegan diet, you deal with it. It's no one else's responsibility.

Have to say I agree with this. It’s rather different from, say, a child with a nut allergy who has no choice in the matter and would be ill were she to eat anything with nuts in. Being vegan is a personal choice, made freely. Entirely fair enough. But not something you can expect others to take into consideration at all times.

mummmy2017 · 24/04/2019 08:33

Just looked, seems you can make peanut butter cookies, you just need apple sauce, everything else you should have.

jackparlabane · 24/04/2019 08:34

There's 3 vegans in my office. One bakes frequently and will share recipes with anyone. The other two just get on with it. When cake turns up they just politely decline (though baker guy sometimes has a bit for research purposes, the eggs etc having already been used). They all bring in biscuits and sweets which happen to be vegan and everyone lives happily.

There's 2 coeliacs as well so we try to make sure there's treats for them too. Though my last gf bake was a disaster so they got bought slabs with Nutella as an emergency replacement. Which they said thank you for, because they're decent human beings.

smartbusiness · 24/04/2019 08:35

Turn it around - tell her that you don't have a clue how to make a really delicious vegan cake, that she'll have had experience in this area and that perhaps SHE could bring in some vegan cakes to surprise and delight and educate the whole office Wink

Catchingbentcoppers · 24/04/2019 08:36

I think if you’d made one cake, she’d be unreasonable to be aggrieved. But to make 4 different ones but none of them suitable for your two vegan colleagues does seem a little unkind. Homemade cakes and shop bought are not really comparable, are they?

Unkind? FFS kicking puppies is unkind. Being an arsehole to people when they try to do something nice for you is unkind.

My friend at work has coeliacs and someone brought in cakes for their birthday. They brought in some gluten-free cakes for her. Now, I happen to know that she hates these cakes, but she thanked the person and was grateful that they had considered her. That's a normal response. Anything else isn't.

BertrandRussell · 24/04/2019 08:36

“You choose a vegan diet, you deal with it. It's no one else's responsibility.”

Of course it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility. And of course she was unforgivably rude. But one vegan cake out of 4? Would that really have been so hard?

Happynow001 · 24/04/2019 08:37

she was really looking forward to home made cake rather than "a shitty half-stale afterthought from Tesco"
Wow! What incredibly bad manners. In her place I'd have been grateful you considered my dietary preference and paid your own money on something for me to eat as a treat.

I guess you know now not to make or bring any more cake in for anyone and let people know why, if they ask. (No need to name names - I'm sure people will work it out.) 🍰

Ohtherewearethen · 24/04/2019 08:39

I think this is the rudest thing I have ever heard! I am absolutely flabbergasted at her cheek. I'm cross on your behalf!
Next time, bring in a banana for her and tell her you assume she knows what to do with it.

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