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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

287 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 19:21

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

OP posts:
bigKiteFlying · 23/04/2019 21:29

I've never known cake to not be in party bags - it may be a substitute for the candle one but it's always there.

When we did events parties the venues staff would even take the cake and cut it up and add it to the pre-paid package done by them bags. There was dessert as part of the meal. Home parties or venues where parents have catered there's usually lots of desserts as part of the food and still cake in napkins in party bag.

When DC were little and going to toddler groups sometimes when a birthday fell, and child was there cake or biscuit might be brought and handed round – completely optional many didn’t do it.

One of my neighbours brought a huge cake and at snack time all the children were made to sing happy birthday and watch her DD blow it out with lots of photos taken. Cake disappeared, and they brought out sour plums for the kids – unfortunately DS at time saw cake and wouldn’t forget which made the rest of the morning hell for me – and many of the other children were upset and parents bemused. It was really odd – next day different group she turned up with the cake and did the same – I left early to avoid it all. They didn’t get cake either – though that was a parent group and biscuit tin was utilized.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 23/04/2019 21:31

Something heinous happened to the cakeShock. Some child vomited, shat or snotted on it.

ScrambledSmegs · 23/04/2019 21:32

I'm with your son. I would have been fummin. Birthday cake is VERY important.

LittleMissHappy19 · 23/04/2019 21:34

We paid a small fortune for DS1's first birthday cake..there was absolutely no way on earth, I was letting any of it go to waste!

So shared it out with everyone, until it was all gone!

I can't believe people have fake cakes?! How cruel Shock

KC225 · 23/04/2019 21:34

She who fakes her cakes in public
Fakes her orgasms in private

Read that on the inside of a packet of Mr Kipling's Fondant Fancies

StealthPolarBear · 23/04/2019 21:34

". I always do a small cake to put the candles on, which we then bring home for us. I then do enough cupcakes in those little individual pods for adults and children to take home instead. I do fancy ones on the same theme as the cake/party"
Are you free on Saturday?

StealthPolarBear · 23/04/2019 21:37

Sour plums?! Is that a euphemism?

Freaking0ut · 23/04/2019 21:39

Oh gawd I fear I have previously been very unreasonable. We had a party for my DS(5) and I made him a cake with chocolate fingers and his favourite toy characters on it. It wasn’t big enough to cut up for 30 odd kids and would have been a giant faff to do that at the party, so I had bought a couple of nice tray bake cakes to wrap up and hand out with party bags. Now I fear I’ve made a terrible social faux pas and will never live it down. I bloody hate doing kids parties, the whole thing is a load of stress

MindyStClaire · 23/04/2019 21:41

If you want to do a PA WhatsApp group message...

"Thanks so much Jane for the wonderful party, James and Ben had a fantastic time, and the cake looked amazing!"

I mean, don't do a PA message, you'll look bad.

But also, do one for us and all the others at the party...

fabulous01 · 23/04/2019 21:43

Omg!
I have booked a venue with tight party slot. Just read the instructions and it has suggested I have party cake already on party bags. I said to bloke that I won't be doing that as I have fancy cakes ordered and I want guests to see the cake.

We will be doing the birthday singing once we get in room as there is no way my birthday girls would deal with that never mind the guests

NewAccount270219 · 23/04/2019 21:44

If you really want to do some passive aggressive messaging go for:

'Thanks for the lovely party - the boys had a great time! The cake was delicious!'

All the other mums will be wondering why you got cake and they didn't, and the hosts can hardly say 'what are you talking about, we displayed a cake but we didn't give you any!'. Perfect way to sow discord.

Disclaimer: do not actually do this.

Waveysnail · 23/04/2019 21:46

That's weird. We had two cakes - one pre cut to hand out and other to.do happy birthday but they were both same

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 21:47

^She who fakes her cakes in public
Fakes her orgasms in private^

Read that on the inside of a packet of Mr Kipling's Fondant Fancies

That’s it. That’s my WhatsApp message —in my very bold mind—

Mindy I would almost consider that one, actually. Followed up with two especially PA ‘xx’

OP posts:
PeapodBurgundy · 23/04/2019 21:48

@StealthPolarBear If you're happy for it all to look like the cat has been at it... Grin

Tatapie · 23/04/2019 21:48

People who ask kids to stay to watch the cake being sung over, candles blown out etc and then give different cake - wtf?! Rude!

Glittery1 · 23/04/2019 21:49

This happened at the last party my kids went to (3 weeks ago) and I found it very, very strange!

It was the most spectacular cake I ever had seen also.

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 21:50

NewAccount Genius!

Strikethru fail above. A girl goes off Mumsnet for a few months and can barely deal with the basics anymore.

OP posts:
bluebluezoo · 23/04/2019 21:52

Dc went to a party once. She was just in school so about 5? At someones house, where parents didn’t stay.

I duly pitched up at collection time. About to leave with dc when he hissed that they hadn’t done the cake yet. So I look around, and sure enough in the middle of the table of half eaten party food is the cake, boxed and untouched.

So I dither for a little bit as usually hosts would ask if you can stay a bit longer to sing happy birthday if the cake is running late. But dc is about the last but one child. I make it clear we’re leaving, say our thanks and go. No cake.

Oddest thing. So no, it wouldn’t surprise me at all.

bigKiteFlying · 23/04/2019 21:53

Sour plums?! Is that a euphemism?

Sadly no.

I thought my kids were moaning as it wasn't cake and DS wasn't shutting up about the cake any time soon - so in middle of doing exchanging WTF looks with the other mothers I did oh you love plums well if you don't want it Mummy will eat it and found out lack of cake wasn’t the only problem.

To this day they won’t eat purple plums – I have to hide them in fruit crumbles.

Yourenotheonlycuddlytoy · 23/04/2019 21:54

I reckon they had another birthday party scheduled (perhaps with elderly relatives later) and wanted to use the cake again

MaybeitsMaybelline · 23/04/2019 21:55

Meh, birthday cake is shit, who cares where it goes.

PeapodBurgundy · 23/04/2019 22:02

@Tatapie genuinely, why do you find it rude? It's the only practical way I can manage the party and get cleared up and out of the hall in time. Surely if everyone is getting some decent cake, that's the important bit?

MrsEricBana · 23/04/2019 22:13

Fake cake? Heard it all now. Maybe they were taking it home to smash it.

Dd once went to a party where the kids were taken out into the garden to cut and eat the cake IN THE RAIN so as not to make crumbs inside, and parents had to collect them from the garden as not allowed back in once wet and cakey.

DotForShort · 23/04/2019 22:17

If you don’t plan to serve something, don’t bring it to the party. Ostentatiously displaying a gorgeous cake and then whisking it away is beyond bizarre. Imagine a party for adults, in which bottles of champagne were placed on the table but never opened. The party hosts in the OP sound rather inhospitable, to say the least.

Clawdy · 23/04/2019 22:21

This reminded me of the day a French student came to spend a week at the primary school where I was working. She gave a talk about French Christmas traditions to the infant classes and brought in a French Christmas cake, a Galette, and explained how a little figure of baby Jesus was hidden in the cake, and how exciting it was to be the one who got the slice with the figure in. All the kids gazed at the cake in wonder....then she popped it back in the box, and said goodbye! Even I was disappointed!