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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

287 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 19:21

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

OP posts:
PeapodBurgundy · 23/04/2019 20:40

*after candles

Logan2014 · 23/04/2019 20:43

It was proberbly all for show an there was no cake inside of it, just polystyrene cake Ive seen this done before at a friend s wedding

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 20:46

But there was no cake at all to take home. None. Not even a cheap and nasty version of the display cake, much less mini-themed cupcake versions.

Even napkin-smushed cake gets eaten by my DCs. I’m pretty sure they eat a lot of the napkin most of the time.

Like I said, their position on cake is inherited from Mother.

OP posts:
hennaoj · 23/04/2019 20:49

Why on earth wouldn't anyone put the actual cake into the party bags? Are children considered not worthy of nice, handmade cake? I always use the actual cake, but my 5 year olds last cake was a Thomas one from a Supermarket because I couldn't find a cake maker that did one that looked as much like Thomas. I make sure they get decent size slices too.

wittyusermane · 23/04/2019 20:49

I don't understand what the point of lugging a fancy cake to a party is, only to bring it home again untouched? Confused

PeapodBurgundy · 23/04/2019 20:51

I think I'd feel like I'd only done half of a party if I didn't send cake home! Although people may be glad. I'm very amateur when it comes to cake decorating. The lopsided Thomas the Tank cake from his 2nd birthday will not easily be forgotten Grin. It was tasty though. I wonder how much they paid for a cake that likely ended up in the bin if it was big for just the few of them.

IvanaPee · 23/04/2019 20:52

Was there not other party food/treats supplied?

PeapodBurgundy · 23/04/2019 20:53

I don't understand what the point of lugging a fancy cake to a party is, only to bring it home again untouched?

Because sticking a candle in a cupcake seems stupid somehow.

Hippywannabe · 23/04/2019 20:54

My friend makes fake cakes (she is in the etsy link above). Hers have been featured in museum and country house displays. Not sure if she has ever done one for a child though. I shall send her the link to this thread!

Erythronium · 23/04/2019 20:54

It's like they've forgotten the true meaning of birthday cake, which is to be eaten by guests. If you don't want to be generous and hospitable and share your cake, don't host a party.

MissMooMoo · 23/04/2019 20:56

How strange!
I am also not British and was a bit confused when I encountered my first cake wrapped in a napkin shoved in a party bag too!
In Canada we eat the cake at the party as the dessert

LumpyPillow · 23/04/2019 20:56

I can't believe you went and sought out staff to question them about the cake when it wasnt in your party bags, OP. 😂🤔

Whilst I do think it is unusual, as pp have said, not everyone wants to spend money on good cake and squish it into a bag.

If it was that spectacular, if i were you and realised there was no party bag cake, i would just assume they wanted to savour it/not cut into it right away or may be saving it for a family party later. I wouldnt even think to question or ask anyone 'where is the cake?!' and i fucking love cake. children will be fine without birthday cake.

I can't handle this whole thread. Fake cakes, cake entitlement, crazy texts, cake gestapo.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 23/04/2019 20:56

Ooh this exact thing happened to the first birthday party my DD had been invited to. It was the most elaborate cake I’d ever seen and was left on its own table for the duration of the party for everyone to admire. Party finished and DD wouldn’t leave until she’d been given some cake so I had to practically drag her out and said it was in the party bag (it wasn’t) when we got home the cake in the party bag was one of those plain sponge things that you can buy a tray of about a dozen in the Pound shop Shock

dreichuplands · 23/04/2019 20:57

witty We did this because we could prepare it all before the party. So just to streamline the process. Also tray bake cakes are nice and flat and fit nicely into a party bag. It wasn't that unusual in our area.

Marmite27 · 23/04/2019 20:57

DD1’s Birthday was days after her party so we saved the fancy cake this year.

But I had bought a large Asda photo cake (no picture) and sliced that up for the party bags. In cake boxes as I abhor cake wrapped in napkins Envy

MissConductUS · 23/04/2019 21:00

In Canada we eat the cake at the party as the dessert

That's what we do in the US also. I'm a bit stunned at the idea of putting into the party bags.

Dippypippy1980 · 23/04/2019 21:00

The cake in the napkin was surely a thing years and years ago, but now the kids eat the cake at the party?

I remember getting cake in party bags in my childhood, but never ever see it now - cakes are cut and eaten at the party,

Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2019 21:01

It is tight and mean, why bother. Just get a cheap supermarket cake that will look fine and kids can enjoy it. I think that party parent will be the playground gossip forever more, their poor kid Sad.

dreichuplands · 23/04/2019 21:01

Also napkins and cake aren't a good mix.

KurriKurri · 23/04/2019 21:01

If they weren't going to share the cake (tight gits) they could at least have given each child one of the lollipops. It definitely isn't a british thing though (not this british person anyway cake = something to be scoffed with gusto in my book). Not suprised your DS was cross - good for him Grin

I did used to give the cake wrapped for kids to take home at my kids parties - but that was because they were usually stuffed and I'd rather they threw up in their parents car on the way home than on my carpet - not because I'm some kind of weirdo cake with-holder.

SeaWitchly · 23/04/2019 21:02

Bizarre that a fancy cake is presented and then not eaten by the party guests Confused
Otherwise just present your cheap Asda version and leave the fancy cake for ‘proper’ family party/frozen for school lunches later.
I agree it’s rude and poor form.

WindsweptEgret · 23/04/2019 21:04

Takes 5 minutes to serve up cake on napkins to 30 kids. Don't understand putting it in a party bag, the cake is part of the party, you have the savoury food, then the cake at the end. Cheap tray bakes taste awful.

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 21:18

Professionally made cake for a child's birthday?! Shock

Why, for the love of God?

I am achingly middle-class and I get professionally-made cakes done for my DCs’ parties mainly because I did their first birthday cakes myself and, despite them being rather stunning and delicious they were more than my time was worth making the fuckers, especially for the huge crowds you get at YR and Y1 parties. Plus my DSs have strange requests for cakes - DS-fuming-over-cake-1 wanted a chocolate 70s VW campervan for his fifth birthday and we found a cake maker that did a reasonably-priced (bearing in mind how much time and effort nice cakes involve) one for loads of people. It was gorgeous and delicious and was the highlight of the party AND EVERYONE GOT A PIECE OF IT INCLUDING THE PARENTS. I used extra nice napkins for those who wanted it in the party bag it was so good.

Cake is quite important to me. Yes, I am quite entitled when it comes to cake and have the arse to show for it. Cake CakeCake

OP posts:
Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 21:22

I can't believe you went and sought out staff to question them about the cake when it wasnt in your party bags, OP.

DS1 made me do it. He’s a shocking influence.

OP posts:
HBStowe · 23/04/2019 21:23

Really weird and shitty!