To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

No point in fake cake though

It depends on what the point of the cake was though.

Most of us see the point of a birthday cake is to blow out the candles and eat the cake.

For people who live their lives on social media the point of the cake is to get a good photo to go on Instagram. Whether it's edible or not is therefore inconsequential.

www.etsy.com/uk/market/fake_birthday_cake

Professionally made cake for a child's birthday?!

Why, for the love of God?

And yes, OP, that is definitely beyond weird.

I've seen this happen before. DD2 went to a birthday party where the cake was a two tier Frozen extravaganza and they didn't cut it. She did get cake in her party bag but it was a generic supermarket tray bake kind of thing.

Tbh, I just thought that maybe they were saving the "proper" cake to share with family in the evening or couldn't be bothered faffing with cutting it at the party so pre-cut a different cake so that the party bags were ready to go.

did they take lots of photos op?
is the mum an instagrammer? or other social thingummy

perhaps they just forgot

Whaaaa?? So people buy a really nice looking main cake and give the party goers a cheapo tray bake cake? Really? That is the funniest thing!! Ok party goers, thanks for the presents, cards and money but you are not worthy of the main cake! Have a skinny stale piece of cake that was baked three weeks ago in Asda bakery. Honestly takes no time at all to slice a cake, and that job I normally pass to one of the grandparents anyway.

How odd. But children's parties are generally quite fraught affairs IME.

Dd went to a party last summer. They’re drop off age but this was a bikes in the park party aka you had to stay and supervise your own child, there were only 2 games arranged and despite the fact they fully intended you to stay they only feed the kids (nothing, not even water for adults) then they brought out the cake the mum made, sang etc and then gave each kid a currant bun while the cake sat there with the family gathered round it, uncut. Weird. They are very tight though so not totally unexpected.

I've seen an elaborate cake saved for a family party. I think that was substituted for some alternative cake in party bags. My DDs never seem to eat the squashed cake from party bags, so I can sort of see why you wouldn't bother putting cake in party bags.

Sometimes the cake is pretty awful - too much icing and disappointing cake, made more to be structural than anything else.

A fake cake is Ludicrous

In my defense most dc didn't seem that bothered about cake, the party bag on the other hand 😀

*I'd be sending a text saying

"Just to say thank you for the lovely party. The cake was amazing! Sorry, I missed the instructions for collecting a slice for the DSs. (Actually I think there was confusion with other mums too). What's the plan?

PS The children are very excited to find out what it tastes like!"*

Christ 😂 Equally as mental an idea/text as a fake cake. Entitled and intense as fuck!

I did this at a party once.

I was struck down with a stomach bug hand way through decorating the cake. Managed to get it finished and was well again by the party 2 days later, but I didn’t dare serve the cake to the kids in case I passed on the bug and I didn’t have time to make a new one. So we had the cake to sing happy birthday and blow out candles (DD would have been devastated if we hadn’t, as she loved the it), but I served a shop bought cake to the kids instead.

I explained to some people but not all because it was awkward to explain and I didn’t know all the parents very well.

@ZippyBungleandGeorge Stunt pineapples were a topic on mn a good while ago. Apparently in Victorian times you could rent pineapples in order to display how wealthy you are (obviously not wealthy enough to buy one and eat it, though!). Fake cake reminded me of that.

Perhaps the cake was an elaborate fake from a rental shop.

This is brilliant. I have to do birthday cake for 8yo next week and I'm finding out I can decorate a box, and feed kids a plain cake.

Genius!

Sorry, missed the earlier references to fake cake.

To those saying they don’t want to miss their child’s party to spend time cutting up cake- that’s what Aunties/Uncles/ Grandparents/Godparents/Older siblings/Parents of other children are for

Lucky you, in the real world when grandparents are too ill/dead and godparents involved in the games? When cutting up an identical cake and pre packing it into party bags overcomes the problem and means everyone can enjoy the party?

Thank you LumpyPillow

Mental and intense is exactly what I was going for...

I have a family member who does this - we always get invited to the house for birthdays (parties aren’t done for various reasons) to see the birthday child and they will have a wee buffet, and always a specially made elaborate cake that is just to be looked at, it seems! Never had a snifter of a piece in over five years - think they just eat it all themselves afterwards!
Agree that it bordering on cruel is taking it too far though.

My DD and DH both have different allergies and I make an egg free, nut free, wheat free cake. One year it was diary free too. It didn’t taste great. I never cut it up at the party or serve the one with candles. Partly because it is always as hard as a rock and shatters as soon as you plunge the knife in.
I buy a tray bake to put in the bags. After her first party my BIL text to say he was disappointed with his party bag - that’s right 40yro BIL expects to get a bag - because it wasn’t the cake we sang happy birthday to. I couldn’t believe the cheek of it.
No cake at all though sounds like a mistake.

I didn't serve the cake at my sons birthday party as my mum had put so much green colouring in the icing it was inedible. We still used it to sing happy birthday though.

No one asked why and I didn't tell anyone. Oops!

should yes we had no god parents, grandparents or anyone else at our dc's birthday parties. Large invite numbers so as not to leave people out.
It honestly never occurred to me that people would care what cake slice their dc was given.

To be clear I wouldn't use a traybake, just a stunt double

I have no problem with having a cake to display and a different one (similar preferably) ready to put in bags. Thw main cake gets cut and eaten at the family party. But a cake that's not a cake is just a sodding cardboard box and should impress no one.