Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

To think that this is a dreadful way to treat my son

307 replies

ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 10:54

I am currently in rehearsals so my schedule is quite hectic as the show goes up this week. I left my son (12) with my niece (36) for the evening and was due to collect hm at 1030pm latest. When I arrived - 10:15pm he was sitting alone downstairs in lamplight while my niece and her two sons had all gone up to bed. I think this is an appalling way to treat my son almost as if she was demonstrating how much they did not want him there. He was fine(ish) but I was disgusted. I regularly look after her two boys and never would I leave one of them downstairs while my children and me went up to bed! I texted her to say that it was not very nice and her response was "He's 12, what did you want me to do, sing him a lullabye.' I am really disgusted and angered by it and don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Mymycherrypie · 23/04/2019 14:16

Let’s say he isn’t 12 but is an adult guest at your house. Would you just go to bed and leave a guest downstairs on their own? No?

M4J4 · 23/04/2019 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ohtheholidays · 23/04/2019 14:17

Your niece was acting like a dick!

It's really not on being as you do so much for her DC!

Would your son be alright being left at home when you have to work?Or is there someone that could sit at home with him?

For what it's worth I think your doing amazingly,raising your DC alone after being widowed is a hell of alot different to being a single parent(like I was)because of an arsehole ex and the fact that your working and working more than 1 job to provide for your DC and your helping your Niece and her DC so much I take my hat off to you.

I hope your Niece gives her head a shake and apologises to you both.

theyellowjumper · 23/04/2019 14:26

YANBU, I wouldn't treat any guest like this, never mind a child. I think it was unkind and bad mannered. I usually go to bed early, but in this situation I'd probably have got my pjs on and maybe watched a video with your ds while we waited for you. I might have fallen asleep on the sofa, but at least I'd have been in the same room and there if needed.

MagicKingdomDizzy · 23/04/2019 14:30

Rude and discourteous. I wouldn't be so able to have her kids in future if I was you.

And make alternative arrangements for your son in future.

Babuchak · 23/04/2019 14:31

Newyearnewme2019

sorry, wasn't my previous reply not clear enough response to you?
you wouldn't have walked in their and thought "you lazy bitch, you had one job to do for me and that was to just spend some time with MY CHILD until i came home"

ahem, no, I wouldn't.
If I ask any of my sisters to look after my kids once they are that age, no, I don't expect them to stay with them and hold their hands. I expect them to treat my kids as they treat theirs. And vice-versa. Kids are safe in their house, the house they stayed during holidays and sleepovers, it's family, no need to make a fuss. That's the whole point!

I would reply differently if we were talking about my 4 year old, in case that's not clear

Newyearnewme2019 · 23/04/2019 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as it responded to a deleted message. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KittyInTheCradle · 23/04/2019 14:37

If both families spend a lot of time together it's possible they were thinking of him more like part of the family than just a visitor who needs entertaining. And with her being awake just watching TV in another room, if say that's alright as long as your son was fine doing what he was doing.

But of course if she's gone to bed in an 'I'm not looking after that child' strop, that's different.

Probably depends what she said to son before she went to bed.

Rainbowknickers · 23/04/2019 14:39

My parents did this to me once-said that they’d have my kids (had 4 at the time-3 with them and baby with me) I got a text saying I had to be back by 3-so I started walking down my street at 2:45 only to get home and the kids had just been left on the doorstep and left-aged 6,5 and 4-I went apeshit and was told it was cos I was late and that would teach me a lesson-I never left them with my parents again-it just wasn’t worth it-I would never have done that to a child no matter how late it was xxx

Original poster

ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 14:40

Thank you to those of you who've commented. Whatever your view. Thanks especially to those who see my point I asked cos I wanted clarity and perspective. I still feel she was wrong. I'd not leave anyone I was looking after downstairs whilst I went to bed. I think it's rude and not caring.

OP posts:

Moonchild1987 · 23/04/2019 14:41

@Babuchak family or not it was rude to treat a guest like that and that is what the nephew was. Maybe it is the way I was brought up but I would never dream of leaving a guest family or not to sit on their own making them feel unwelcome

Original poster

ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 14:42

And Thankyou oftheholidays. Kind words

OP posts:

KittyInTheCradle · 23/04/2019 14:42

@Rainbowknickers

Noooo that's terrible!! And very much not the same situation I don't think!

SavageBeauty73 · 23/04/2019 14:43

He's family. Didn't she leave him sitting on his phone?

Honeyroar · 23/04/2019 14:45

If she had gone to bed to sleep and left him I'd definitely have found it wrong, but if she was basically just watching to in another room and conscious if he'd shouted her etc, I'd find it not too bad, especially if he's a regular at the house. Perhaps she hadn't spoken to him because they were watching different things - also why she went to her room?

notangelinajolie · 23/04/2019 14:47

OP - how upset was your son? In the nicest way and I apologise if I've got it wrong. It's just a thought - but could your son in a round about way be trying to get you to allow him to stay at home by himself?

Going forward - 2 hours is not a massive long time for him to be at home by himself. Is he mature and sensible? He is nearly a teen and getting to that age where having a babysitter is a bit uncool and probably a bit annoying if he has homework to do. Your niece lives on the same road so he does have back up if he needs someone. Would that work?

minisoksmakehardwork · 23/04/2019 14:48

Whilst I wouldn't necessarily engage in scintillating conversation, I would sit up until the child was collected. Even at 12. To do otherwise would feel rude.

However, at 12 I also agree that he's old enough to be home alone for the duration, unless he's proven otherwise. You live on the same street so he knows where to go if he needs help. He probably has a mobile so can call you if it's that urgent.

If she has a 15 year old, they could look after their younger sibling while mum is at work but chances are they won't want to. They will have their own lives to lead during school holidays. So it then comes down to you whether you want to look after her children and help her out given she apparently doesn't want to reciprocate.

Newyearnewme2019 · 23/04/2019 14:51

@babuchak crystal clear, on both accounts :D

So would you say nothing to your sister at all? Your child has just told you he's been pretty ignored for the last 2hrs whilst in her company and then she's goes off to bed and you seriously wouldn't pull her on this?

AutumnCrow · 23/04/2019 14:53

I think it's quite likely that the 12 year old was playing on his phone or watching tv as OP hasn't answered otherwise.

I think acting is a fine profession btw. Break a leg and all that.

HoraceCope · 23/04/2019 14:54

it is rude and uncaring, unless of course they couldnt agree on what to watch and he was happy to be left alone

Babuchak · 23/04/2019 14:54

the kids had just been left on the doorstep and left-aged 6,5 and 4
that's so not the same! That is horrible!
I wouldn't even leave 3 kids of that age alone to take a shower if they are not mine, but in the street is something else.

Really cannot compare with a 12 year old, old enough in my book to start babysitting himself, in a different room.

Some posters make it sound like I'd be happy to force a 12 year old to seat alone in silence with nothing to do for 2 or 3 hours in an empty room - whilst the idea was to have a kid watching tv and entertaining himself downstairs. Not the same thing either

Babuchak · 23/04/2019 14:56

Would you just go to bed and leave a guest downstairs on their own? No?

If I invite someone for diner, no, I wouldn't
If I have friends staying over for a few days and I feel like going to bed, yes I would.

Canshopwillshop · 23/04/2019 14:57

I think that’s awful OP. Surely she could have waited up until you collected him - it wasn’t that late!

dustarr73 · 23/04/2019 15:04

It was rude of your niece to leave him downstairs alone.You wouldnt leave an adult guest downstairs and toddle off to bed.

But she has shot herself in the foot.No more favours or holidays.

Xiaoxiong · 23/04/2019 15:07

I agree with you OP, I can't imagine any scenario where I would go upstairs to bed and leaving a 12 year old to wait for his mum downstairs after a play date/visit. What if you had been delayed? Didn't arrive at all? What was he supposed to do, go upstairs into her bedroom and wake her up again?

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13