To think that this is a dreadful way to treat my son

[ThespianTendencies]

I am currently in rehearsals so my schedule is quite hectic as the show goes up this week. I left my son (12) with my niece (36) for the evening and was due to collect hm at 1030pm latest. When I arrived - 10:15pm he was sitting alone downstairs in lamplight while my niece and her two sons had all gone up to bed. I think this is an appalling way to treat my son almost as if she was demonstrating how much they did not want him there. He was fine(ish) but I was disgusted. I regularly look after her two boys and never would I leave one of them downstairs while my children and me went up to bed! I texted her to say that it was not very nice and her response was "He's 12, what did you want me to do, sing him a lullabye.' I am really disgusted and angered by it and don't know what to do.

It's like some people are having a go at me for caring about my child.

@Babuchak
M4J4
why are you trying to have an argument with me?

You responded to my post, I responded to you. Isn't that the point of a forum?

If something wasn't in the OP, don't get all worked up because people ignore it when they reply to the OP... you do realise that posters are not mind readers, don't you?

I'm not worked up Babuchak. If you want to only respond to OP's first post then that's your prerogative but don't get worked up when people tell you that you're missing pertinent information .

You are completely ignoring the whole story in your own answer btw.

Which bits of the whole story specifically?

if they suddenly stop speaking to each other, either find out why or just don't contact them anymore.

This is a cop-out. Op's niece is 36 and her son is 12. This is not an equal relationship, the niece was in a position of responsibility/authority for the 12yo. Being ignored by the adult is upsetting in that context.

How would anyone here know what happened there? Maybe nothing, maybe the niece was pissed off because that evening wasn't convenient and she shouldn't have taken it on the kid, maybe she was just watching tv in her own room assuming that the 12 year old family member was completely fine and she didn't like the tone of the text, god knows. I wasn't there, and neither were you.

How is this relevant? Sounds like whatabouttery.

I can't understand what is the problem with letting a 12 year old downstairs when he's a family member, he knows the house and you are upstairs. I'd leave my 12 year old for a couple of hours with his younger siblings

Again, this is in your home. I think you would feel very differently if your sister was had your 12 yo one evening, ignored him all evening and then took herself and her kids to bed and left your 12 yo alone.

Such a non story and an over-reaction.

You seem very overly invested in this non-story!

Oh, some posters have incredibly narrow, dull little lives and think that anyone whose work is even remotely unusual must be exaggerating/lying/entitled.
Like I said, OP, I think the issue is that your niece made your poor DS feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. if she didn't want to mind him, she should have said so beforehand.

No...people are sour about something else and letting it out online. I cannot tell a lie, I do it myself on occasion.
What I don’t do however, is just invent stuff to have a pop about. It happens a lot on mn, posters letting there imagination take over then posting as though it were fact. Annoys me.

*their
Ffs

Thankyou reanimated

Forgiven puctish 😂

Pictish ffs!

I wouldn't mind my child being left downstairs in these circumstances and I do go to bed at 10pm, but would have made that clear when discussing arrangements (get up at 5.30am and have RA for anyone criticising). However, it sounds like your son wasn't made to feel particularly welcome in general and for that reason alone I wouldn't leave him there again

M4J4
back in the real word, if someone has my kids over, I don't expect to supervise them every minute when they are 12. I am absolutely fine if my sister goes to bed before my kids at that age.

At 12, my 2 eldest had started to do small babysitting jobs, really they are fine

You seem very angry about it, why is that?

@Babuchak

Again, you're completely ignoring that OP's DS was ignored the whole evening

I'm not angry at all. You seem to take a response to your post as evidence of anger, why is that?

Are you going to tell me how I'm "completely ignoring the whole story" (even though I have read all the posts and you say you haven't)?

*Why was she in bed at 10.15pm?

Don’t think I have ever gone to bed at 10.15pm since I was about 12.*

Stupidest comment of the whole thread 🙄

Have to agree with a pp, bet she was watching GOT!

I sometimes go to bed and leave my early teens up. I don't think its much of a problem if he felt comfortable in the house with an adult upstairs. Why didn't he turn the light back on? Most children that age enjoy a short amount of time unsupervised.

I think it all depends on how mature the 12 year old is. It's that funny age where they no longer need someone watching over them but still need to know there is a grown up to go to if they need help. In a familiar surrounding in his aunt's home I would have thought he'd be ok.

The issue for me here would not be leaving him in a room on his own - what 12 year old hasn't been left alone in a room before? Kids of all ages are left in rooms without adults. It would be the fact that your sister went to bed. I wonder if she wanted to watch something on TV that wasn't suitable for a 12 year old to watch and went off to her room to watch it there?

Going upstairs to watch a different channel on tv would not be rude but saying night night and going to bed to sleep when she has a guest in her home would be. Which was it?

OP Yes, a dreadful way to treat your son, how to make a child feel he’s an unwelcome nuisance.YANBU

I think a previous poster didn’t get the part!

Anyway, break a leg!

@Babuchak if you were due to pick your child up from your sisters (and it only being the one child, not 2 or 3 children) at 10.30 at night and you got their and found that your sister went to bed and left your child alone downstairs for at least 30 minutes (because she wanted to watch TV upstairs in bed and couldn't give a shit about staying and talking to or watching TV with your child) you wouldn't have walked in their and thought "you lazy bitch, you had one job to do for me and that was to just spend some time with MY CHILD until i came home"

If it was me, i'd have walked out of her house and left the front door open for her to get her lazy arse out of bed to shut

maybe the OP would have been much happier if they had watched GOT together - that wouldn't have been my own choice, but each to their own

the last 2 have been pretty quiet anyway

Even if I had a 18 year old nephew in my house I wouldn't go upstairs to bed and leave them unless i confirmed they knew how the TV worked, where the food was and we're happy to be left. Even then only if I was really tired.

People seem to be comparing their own children in their own house which is obviously different than this woman who was babysitting and left the lad downstairs alone in the dark for at least half a hour!

That is not how family should behave and her text response isn't appropriate. I can promise if it wasn't the end of the holidays and she needed more childcare from OP she'd have been apologetic and OTT nice. Shes got what she wanted from the arrangement and now seems to begrudge returning the favour!

@irishgurl would you leave your childrens friends downstairs waiting for their parents to pick them up whilst you and your children were in bed?

They're early teens so ok to be left but is it good manners? Would you expect other people to do that to your children?

Newyearnewme2019

blimey, I am glad I am not your sister!
Leaving a 12 year old alone downstairs for HALF AN HOUR! The horror!
I've taken showers for longer than that

this thread is why I love MN, it's the usual crazy fest

Check out the sub-plot of competitive short sleep hours and late bedtimes

*sorry typo. Niece - not sister.

@Babuchak

Didn't answer the question did you?

I've had showers and shits last longer, but i've never gone to bed - that's a goodnight, i'm not interrested in you or keeping you company. it' not just a "going for a shower but if you'r mum gets here before i've finished, make sure you shut the door and i'll see you soon"

Newyearnewme2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 14:07:32

I would leave a 12 year old downstairs if they felt comfortable with it. Particularly a 12 year old who I knew well and was familiar with my house. I wouldn't leave anyone in the gloom and would expect them to put a light on for themselves! Possibly the lad was ok with the situation and was then influenced by his Mum being upset by it? It seems such a pity to fall out with family over this. It sounds like the OP has a good support system going which works both ways. The boy wasn't in any danger and hopefully has enough common sense to speak up for himself if he felt uncomfortable rather than waiting for his Mum?