Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a dreadful way to treat my son

307 replies

ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 10:54

I am currently in rehearsals so my schedule is quite hectic as the show goes up this week. I left my son (12) with my niece (36) for the evening and was due to collect hm at 1030pm latest. When I arrived - 10:15pm he was sitting alone downstairs in lamplight while my niece and her two sons had all gone up to bed. I think this is an appalling way to treat my son almost as if she was demonstrating how much they did not want him there. He was fine(ish) but I was disgusted. I regularly look after her two boys and never would I leave one of them downstairs while my children and me went up to bed! I texted her to say that it was not very nice and her response was "He's 12, what did you want me to do, sing him a lullabye.' I am really disgusted and angered by it and don't know what to do.

OP posts:
LillithsFamiliar · 23/04/2019 11:26

It's odd but you're being very dramatic about it.
From her comment about a lullabye, I'd wonder if your DS said he was tired so she turned the light low and left him so he could nap on the couch until you came.

ToeDust · 23/04/2019 11:26

So she only had him for 2.5 hours? What time did she go to bed? It is really rude though, and her response equally so.

juneau · 23/04/2019 11:27

You're right OP - it was nasty and unpleasant. A 36-year-old, particularly one that you often help out with childcare, doesn't need to go to bed at 10.15 unless she has to be up really early for work and even so, I wouldn't leave a 12-year-old alone downstairs. How mean Sad Your poor DS.

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 11:28

juneau thank you - my point exactly!

OP posts:
SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 23/04/2019 11:29

I used to regularly be in bed between 9-10pm every night. Because I used to be up between 4-6am depending on where in the UK I was working that day and how many miles I had to do.

OP I think it was an unkind thing to do. I would not have done it to a child, no matter how old they are, it’s inconsiderate.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 23/04/2019 11:30

As she was still awake herself I think that was very odd and rude to bugger off like that. I would directly ask her what the problem was with sitting up with him and probably wind back looking after her kids if that's how she's going to treat yours.

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 11:30

Lilliths No way would she have turned the light down low so he could nap. I know her,.
He also said that she only spoke one sentence to him all night.

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 23/04/2019 11:31

It’s an awful way to treat him. She’s clearly making a point.

amicissimma · 23/04/2019 11:31

It sounds as if your child(ren) and hers spend quite a bit of time with each other's families, so she may not see your DS as a 'visitor', but more as a family member.

There have been times when I've left my DC downstairs when I've gone to bed, certainly by the time they are 12, if I'm tired and they aren't ready to go up. An NT 12-year-old doesn't need constant adult company. She was awake, so presumably 'keeping an ear out for him'.

So, sorry, I think YABU.

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 11:31

SnowAlpsandPeaks thank you - hyou are getting my point exactly. SHE SPOKE one sentence to him all night he said.

OP posts:
ahtellthee · 23/04/2019 11:34

YANBU. She couldn't sit up with him? I wouldn't be so helpful in future

SweetMarmalade · 23/04/2019 11:34

Was your Ds engrossed in something else? iPad or similar?

I also have a 12 yo Ds and he can spend time watching silly things on YouTube etc. Still, no excuse to leave him alone.

Teddybear45 · 23/04/2019 11:34

He’s 12 not 2. Stop being so overprotective. He should be in a position where you can leave him alone at yours!

Inforthelonghaul · 23/04/2019 11:35

I agree OP it’s got nothing to do with your son being ok on his own it’s just simply bad manners. I would not be offering anything in future and would have no hesitation in explaining why.

M4J4 · 23/04/2019 11:35

He also said that she only spoke one sentence to him all night.

Please don't leave him with her again, that's borderline abuse and can really hurt a child. I remember being ignored by some relatives at the age of 10. It's very upsetting and I still avoid those relatives.

My sister left her niece asleep on the downstairs sofa once while she took her own kids up to bed, at our mum's. My niece was really upset when she woke up at 2am and found she'd been left alone. My sister hadn't even put a blanket on her.

Aprillygirl · 23/04/2019 11:37

Lilliths No way would she have turned the light down low so he could nap. I know her,

What do you mean by that OP?

KaterinaPetrova · 23/04/2019 11:38

Very rude! If you have a guest (in this case a kid being minded by you) with a definite pick up time, you wait up until they have left!

SweetMarmalade · 23/04/2019 11:38

Just thinking of another reason (although it’s still very rude), when you collect are you often there a while? Could it be you your niece as an issue with? Any reason for her to want to avoid you?

KC225 · 23/04/2019 11:39

How did your son feel about it? Was he upset? I'm assuming if you live in the same street he knows her well enough. Was he watching/playing something particular, that she left him to get on with it?

Sat alone in lamplight is a tad dramatic. He wasn't crouched over a candle in a Victorian melodrama. I think its probably a bad manners at worse, but she is probably treating him more like her 15 year old than her 9 year old.

UCOinanOCG · 23/04/2019 11:39

Possibly she wanted to watch something on tV that your DS didn't want to watch so she went upstairs and left him to watch what he wanted to?

Nicknacky · 23/04/2019 11:40

So why couldn’t your son stay at home for 2.5 hours?

HennyPennyHorror · 23/04/2019 11:43

I don't think it's as bad as you're making out. I have an 11 year old and a 14 year old and both would be FINE at their Aunt's house if she went to bed.

As for "Left in lamplight" Grin Are you trying to conjure up Tiny Tim-like images? Some poor little waif all alone?

He was perfectly safe!

AllTheFours44 · 23/04/2019 11:43

OMG, anyone who thinks this is acceptable has a very skewed idea of right and wrong.

She was rude and inhospitable towards your son.

Sounds like you need to find alternative childcare as she obviously seems to resent it. That, of course, is a 2 way street. You no longer mind her kids either.

Have you spoken to her since?

Firsttimemumofdd · 23/04/2019 11:45

YANBU - if she was happy enough to have him until you were picking him up she should of sat with him and not left him by himself. I would have reacted the same way as you

Babuchak · 23/04/2019 11:45

You are an odd family.

Was he a guest, or is he a regular visitor close enough to help himself in the fridge?

The whole thing is odd, but some posters are completely over-reacting. "borderline child abuse"? FFS, get a grip. A 12 year old is more than old enough to spend the evening home alone. It's nice if he goes to relative for everybody's peace of mind, but he's not a toddler who needs hand holding. I would happily leave my nieces and nephews and my own kids alone at that age, but because we are normal, and close, nobody would mind.

The bad atmosphere between the over-reacting mother and the grumpy niece is what's wrong in that scenario. Put an end to the baysitting on both sides and problem solved. You are unhappy with each other, fine, but it's not such a big deal.