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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a dreadful way to treat my son

307 replies

ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 10:54

I am currently in rehearsals so my schedule is quite hectic as the show goes up this week. I left my son (12) with my niece (36) for the evening and was due to collect hm at 1030pm latest. When I arrived - 10:15pm he was sitting alone downstairs in lamplight while my niece and her two sons had all gone up to bed. I think this is an appalling way to treat my son almost as if she was demonstrating how much they did not want him there. He was fine(ish) but I was disgusted. I regularly look after her two boys and never would I leave one of them downstairs while my children and me went up to bed! I texted her to say that it was not very nice and her response was "He's 12, what did you want me to do, sing him a lullabye.' I am really disgusted and angered by it and don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DesperadoDan · 23/04/2019 12:49

YANBU! I would never leave a visitor downstairs alone and bugger off to bed, a child, a friend or family member. It’s rude! The fact that she spoke one sentence to him all evening says a lot, poor lad. If your son feels safe alone at home for a couple of hours then leave him at home and call him during your time away to check he’s ok. 12 years olds vary greatly in maturity.
I wouldn’t offer childcare for her again if I was you.

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2019 12:51

I have no idea why you are getting such a hard time or being called dramatic you asked somebody albeit your neice to mind your son and she sloped off to bed Confused

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 12:51

babuchak. My son has been on loads of sleepovers. He's 12! He's bright, funny, independent and confident. I'm not some fruit loop helicopter parent watching his every step I encourage him to be I dependent. But this was plain rude. And hostile. If I was looking after a child I'd be there if they needed me. Especially at night! Jeez. You make a lot of stupid assumptions. As if he's not been on a bloody sleepover by this age!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 12:52

Independent. Sorry. Another typo.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 12:53

mrsajay. Exactly.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/04/2019 12:54

Well I think it’s weird to fuck off to bed leaving him on his own downstairs.
Not very friendly.

Thegoodthere · 23/04/2019 12:54

No one cares that you're an ACT-TORR DAHLING, IN THE THEE-ATE-HER, and I suspect you're a bit of a bore about it in real life. However, your niece was BU.

AutumnCrow · 23/04/2019 12:55

But what was he doing when you picked him up? Does he not have a phone / watch tv?

Littlechocola · 23/04/2019 12:55

It was rude of her.
I would feel unwanted or in the way if I was at someone’s house and they went to bed knowing that I was leaving at a certain time.

Whatafustercluck · 23/04/2019 12:56

Barring illness, needing to be up early in the morning, or you arriving much later than was agreed, I agree with you op, it was very rude. Fair enough that her own kids needed to go to bed, but I think she should have stayed up with him till you got there. I would have thought that was a matter of courtesy tbh.

Babuchak · 23/04/2019 12:57

M4J4
why are you trying to have an argument with me?

If something wasn't in the OP, don't get all worked up because people ignore it when they reply to the OP... you do realise that posters are not mind readers, don't you?

You are completely ignoring the whole story in your own answer btw.

No, there's nothing wrong in letting a 12 year old watch tv or something on his own, the kid is so far from a stranger that he spent holidays with them (or they spend holidays with each other) so really doesn't need to be treated like one.

if they suddenly stop speaking to each other, either find out why or just don't contact them anymore.

How would anyone here know what happened there? Maybe nothing, maybe the niece was pissed off because that evening wasn't convenient and she shouldn't have taken it on the kid, maybe she was just watching tv in her own room assuming that the 12 year old family member was completely fine and she didn't like the tone of the text, god knows. I wasn't there, and neither were you.

I can't understand what is the problem with letting a 12 year old downstairs when he's a family member, he knows the house and you are upstairs. I'd leave my 12 year old for a couple of hours with his younger siblings, they are ever so proud to be "in charge" at that age and would get teased at school if it was known they still need a babysitter at that age. Spend an hour or so safe in your aunt's house, what's the big deal.
Such a non story and an over-reaction.

LittleMissHappy19 · 23/04/2019 12:58

@Thegoodthere what the heck is that suppose to mean?!

Babuchak · 23/04/2019 12:59

ThespianTendencies
when he goes on sleepovers, are the parents allowed to be on a different floor at all, or must they supervise at all time?

Your pissed off text seems to have annoy your niece, if it's hostile, find out what the problem was and stop using her for babysitting. Complaining that she wasn't in the same room is just ridiculous.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 23/04/2019 13:00

No one cares that you're an ACT-TORR DAHLING, IN THE THEE-ATE-HER

In fairness I did ask about that, and I do think it's relevant that the OP is out at night making a living, in that it's not optional. If it was a hobby I think family and friends would be less tolerant of evening childcare.

CyclingSquirrel · 23/04/2019 13:01

Presumably he had some kind of entertainment and was vet familiar with the house? Yabu.

AllTheFours44 · 23/04/2019 13:02

@Thegoodthere

Who pissed on your chips? My money’s on an actor

DustyMaiden · 23/04/2019 13:03

I would never do it, it’s rude and unkind. Several people would but I suspect they are rude and unkind,

AutumnCrow · 23/04/2019 13:08

I might do it if my 12 year old guest was very familiar with my home - basically 'at home' there - and was busy on his phone or happy watching tv, and he was just enough to be picked up and I was shattered / under the weather.

Whistle73 · 23/04/2019 13:08

Who was going to lock the front door after you both left if everyone in the house was in bed already?

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 13:08

thegoodyhere how spiteful! I'm not a bore. I was asked a question. I have several jobs to make a living. I'm also widowed and raising two children alone. What right do you have to call me a bore! It's just a job!

OP posts:
Blondieg · 23/04/2019 13:09

Being in a different room or on a different floor, ironing for example, is completely different from going to bed. A child is less likely to want to disturb someone in bed rather than'just in another room'
Totally unacceptable behaviour.
If he was anything like mine he would have been trying hard to to make any noise and feeling in the way

Blondieg · 23/04/2019 13:09

Not make any noise

Kel801 · 23/04/2019 13:10

I don’t think you have to do anything. You have disagreed on how you would both act, both you and sis are aware you disagree, why would there be a need to do anything more?
I am struggling with why you asked the question? Plenty of people said do nothing , and you just argued with this, if you just wanted people to agree it’s awful maybe pose the OP differently next time!

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 23/04/2019 13:10

blondie.thankyou. The fact my son commented on his evening is enough to let me know he felt uncomfortable there.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/04/2019 13:12

How can you ‘suspect’ she’s a bit of a bore about it in rl goody?

You know nothing about her. Absolutely nothing. No...you imagined it. Like just made it up in a cheerful little fantasy based on fresh air. That’s fine...except you saw fit to insult OP on the strength of it.
Behave yourself.