To wonder about silent treatment

[astrologicalzoo]

Tonight I was out for dinner with my husband and two children.

Eldest DC’s ice cream arrived with about a million smarties, some marshmallows and strawberry laces. Dc took forever to place everything on just so. So long in fact that I’d finished dessert and they’d not even started eating it. I asked them to stop playing around with it and eat it.

My husband responded angrily to let them eat it at their own pace and not rush them and I was only on at them because I’d finished me. Baby is getting grisly in the background and I told him that my dessert had nothing to do with it. I just didn’t want to wait on DC faffing while baby is getting restless and tearful.

He’s not spoken to me the rest of the night and I mean has refused to speak to me.

I told him earlier that if he thinks silent treatment is some sort of punishment then he’s barking up the wrong tree. I’m by no means weak willed btw and I will always stand up for myself.

But silent treatment seems to be what he does. I’ve told him many times that if he wanted a wife who apologised at every turn for no reason or just backed down to keep him happy then he married the wrong woman. That being said, I am not argumentative - I just stand up for myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel like it’s quite an abusive tactic but I’m not sure if I’m over dramatising it. Is it abusive?

I also question whether the ice cream came with a million smarties. Is it a lot of gall to point to the exaggerations?

Scarcelyburnt
Here, have my first ever Mumsnet

You seem more focused on attacking the OP for hyperbole than on anything else.

Why is it more important to you that the OP gets told off for the perfectly normal parenting action of telling a child to hurry up than it is to address the DH’s angry outburst followed by stonewalling for the weekend?
Is it because he is the man and she is the woman, by any chance?

I bet the problem was that the DH was enjoying sitting in the restaurant (possibly having a drink) while his wife saw to everything for the kids and rushed through her own meal.
Then he instigated an argument so he could suit himself all weekend.

Well, this is Mumsnet and we are here to support those who actually parent. Why are you here?

Snowqu33n; hyperbole must be a thing on this thread. Your post is littered with it. Not even the OP made such exaggerated claims as you have in your supposition of what happened.

I've stated my views. Sorry if you don't like what I've had to say but there isn't anything more I can say here except repeat the points I made earlier. We'd only be going round in circles.

OP, your husband behaves like a prick. You should have taken yourself off somewhere leaving him in charge of kids and lawn.
@MitziK, I hope the woman who gave birth to you is out of your life forever,can’t imagine anybody behaving towards their child in such cruel and abusive way.

No Scarcelyburnt you're outright accusing the OP of lying

@Leeeeemon36 Well, she was until my brother died early this morning. I've heard some rather unpleasant words from another relative in hospital that sound as though they've come straight out of her mouth in the last few days - and I suspect that once the funeral and inquest is completed, it'll be back to nothing again until the next funeral.

Even my first ex - not the one I mentioned - has made the effort to contact me today, listen to me telling him about it all and say incredibly kind words (and our breakup was absolutely horrific for all concerned). For somebody who actively despised me to be so thoughtful and choose to make contact for my benefit, when he could have chosen to ignore it/me as was his right to do - well, what does that say about people who use ignoring someone as a tool of punishment and control?

Nah, stuff saying that getting frustrated with a kid fannying about with icecream soup and a tetchy baby is being unreasonable. What is unreasonable in the OP is the deliberate decision to make somebody feel that they do not deserve to even exist/have their existence acknowledged for extended periods of time.

@Scarcelyburnt i actually agree with you and think OP could have been exaggerating a bit. Its hard to gauge these things over a internet forum but it sounds like OP is the one who "calls the shots" with the family and as she wanted to end the meal then thats all that matters. Im sure her dh got fed up of that as they were probably having a nice family meal out and OP insisted on ending it.

‘I’d rather have a bloody good argument’ - I do the silent treatment, but it’s not to control or abuse. It’s because I can’t do confrontation, I don’t know what to say and I just end up crying so I am silent because I can’t articulate what I feel and I don’t want to upset the other person (though I recognise it can have the opposite effect) I’m too upset to articulate how I’m feeling so I don’t say anything until I am over it, then I can usually calmly talk it though or just leave it. I really wish I could have a bloody good argument, but I’m totally incapable.

Well, if you want to put it so bluntly, yes a million smarties is highly likely a lie and I very much doubt the 15 mins.

The use of exaggeration or lies (if you choose to call it that) was used by the OP to paint her DH and the kids in a way that made them look unreasonable. I bet without the hyperbole (to use someone else's description) the situation would seem less dramatic. The exaggeration was used to have a specific effect. I am not buying into the exaggeration. All I see between the lines is someone who likes to impose themselves on others. If this silent treatment is not a usual response from him, and from the OP's post it is hard to tell but it seems it is a new way of behaviour for him, I think it is possible that the DH is simply checking out of the relationship.

@Greytexpectations

Well said Scarcelyburnt i mean its not like anyone ever lies or exaggerates on the internet...oh wait. 🤔

The silent treatment is never acceptable. It is a form of punishment and abuse.

Those who have not lived it do not know. It is excruciatingly painful, and causes lasting damage.

Nothing justifies it - and if the OP’s husband is “checking out” of the relationship, he should tell her so that she can make plans accordingly. I pity the next woman he inflicts his silent treatments on however.

What is a hyperbole? Also @Scarcelyburnt are you a bloke? I just wonder because it looks like you being attacked for giving you opinion and I'm curious. I see the OP hasn't been back yet you guys are still debating things is this normal on here? Thanks.