To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

[Humpy84]

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

There would be no need to stress about bills/childcare/cost of things. A haircut and an eyebrow tidy, a gym membership etc would be easy
Indeed, people with higher paid job experience no stress at all! No stress with commuting, with unachievable deadlines, workloads that requires to work extra hours. Many end up giving it all up for a lower paid job because the stress of it all is not worth what the extra pay buys you.

Weight is definitely at least in part a class issue, or maybe just a money issue

If only the husband works, mums get to go to the gym (lots have creches)

If both parents work, they may take turns at evenings to hold the fort/go out for a run

Moneyed people also can afford cleaners so less drudgery to eat up your energy

Also, middle class/ better off parents often have 2 cars, so easier to get places.

The poorer you are, the harder it is

There is also the sad truth that wealthy and successful men feel entitled to a slim and pretty wife. The wealthier mums at my children’s school are not only stick thin but also very aesthetically pleasing. They were like that when they met their partners.

@kittywindbag I agree with you entirely. I’m also finding it funny that people on here who claim to have always been naturally slim don’t realise they don’t actually eat much. Eg. I never eat breakfast, have salad for lunch and a normal dinner and don’t drink. Ummmmm that’s basically a very low calorie diet!!

This is definitely a thing, for all the reasons that have been said. More money, more time, need to keep their rich husbands. It will have been ingrained in them from their own mums growing up, they also hang out with similar people so constant reminders so stay slim. More money to be interested in fashion. More events to go to and need to look good in photos.
Whenever I go to London or Brighton I feel like a right fatty

The two most upper class women I know barely eat to stay skinny.

My children are in private schools and there are a real mixture of slim gym bunnies, skinny Minnies, normal weights and overweight.

I do go to the gym, yoga and walking and I don't eat white flour, milk chocolate or shop bought biscuits and cakes. I have a sweet tooth, so savoury food is not a problem and I eat veggies and pulses in soups a lot. I don't drink alcohol.

Good food is expensive. So I don't think it's s question of class, it's a question of money.

If you food intake consists in Skinny Cappuccino from Costa, sushi from yosushi and a nice stir fry from Hello Fresh, then you are naturally going to consume less calories than if you are having cereal at home, a sandwich for lunch (or dinner left overs) and a starch based dinner.

However the second option is much cheaper

If you're upper or upper middle class you will have horses and dogs, which take your time and effort (and masses of disposable income) so yes it 'll be walking, riding and doing at least some years chores daily, plus fitting a social calendar round it (probably by bicycle to various committee meetings)

DC wouid be treated rather like dogs, and wouid thrive on regular exercise. And wouid habeen left with suitable sitters from age.

Holidays are usually vigorous, involving sports.

OP - you really don't have a class issue here. I was aghast that your DH is dictating childcare lack of solution whilst still finding daily 'me time' for himself.

That needs to change, you need to get back to your course - find a different nursery and try again, or find a childminder. And you need to divide the evenings with your DH so you both get time to pursue the things you like (weekday split should be in your favour, btw, in recognition of how badly you've been short-changed so far)

It does sound as if you're struggling, perhaps with PND, other depression or anxiety - might be worth seeing your GP. You can't always see it in yourself until it starts to lift, by which time all sorts of things can go a bit wrong.

To go back to OP, you need to start bring more assertive. Taking ds out of nursery because of tantrum wax not the way to resolve the issue. I agree that your focus should be on sorting out his sleeping pattern.

You must be gutted to have had to give up your course. You are eating to compensate the emotional void. You need to start thinking of you and get your dh and ds used to it. That doesn't mean becoming totally selfish but enough to feel happier in yourself so you have more to give back to them and you. It's at this point that you'll have enough energy and motivation to tackle the weight.

I put on weight after both my pregnancy and felt horrible but did manage to lose it all both times after a few years as I settled back to some form of normality and making time for myself. The hardest part was to use the little me time to exercise when every part of me was calling to do something relaxing and easy rsther than exert myself. Some people enjoy exercise, I'm not one of those, the best ime is when it's over, but oh does it then make me feel good, both physically with the endorphins kicking in and the sense of pride that I've done it and that it will help keeping my weight down.

Oh honey, my heart goes out to you! Have you been to the doctors for help with PND? Your body will hang on to fat stores while you are sleep deprived which makes it an uphill battle.

Most of my friends (northern, so NOT the London crowd) had night nannies, and then 1 or even 2 nannies to share the day time shifts. This makes it easier, not necessarily for the time to exercise, but for the head space so everything feels less of an uphill battle. Have you considered an au pair?

I think the quality of food differs a lot too - and portion size. “Nice” food, is not a heaped plateful - think restaurant presentation.

That said, some of my friends are royalty, titled, extremely wealthy types - and they really couldn’t give a toss about their weight. They spend their day riding or playing golf so they are healthy, but they live their lives to the fullest and usually rock up to breakfast in a hoody and hair scraped back in a cap. You need to find your crowd, your real friends that will love you - take your baby and say go get some sleep!

Researchers into obesity talk about environments that promote obesity and I think there is evidence that these can have a major effect on people's weight. Living in an area where there are lots of takeaways (tasty, cheap, crap food) is bad for your health. Middle class areas tend to have fewer take aways.

CookPass has it spot on. It’s not one standalone thing. It’s the ‘culture of thin’ that surrounds and permeates everything and it most certainly is income / class based. Much research has been done on the subject. It’s much more than ‘just’ having money for healthy food / gym etc. It is the subtle messages, behaviours and expectations that are all around certain social circles from birth.

The poorer you are, the harder it is
And there goes my point. It isn't about how hard it is, it is about whether you rise to the challenge or decide that because its hard, it just can't be done.

Most of my single mum working friends are slim. They make the time because being healthy and look good is high on their list of things that matter to them. They rise to the challenge. We all have a bit of time, it's a matter of what you decide to use that time for.

I definitely think there is a link between weight and wealth in the uk. I’ve noticed in deprived areas vs privileged areas the difference is enormous! I live near London and come from a more rural area without that much wealth originally and when I go back to visit family I immediately notice the difference.

I’m interested to read that people think slim mums lie about how they eat. In my circles, (probably right in the middle, all university educated from families where people traditionally are university educated), I’ve noticed people go on a lot about healthy eating. A lot of dairy free / vegan / no sugar / no carbs etc etc and all quite in to exercise.

Though, most of my friends who are like this do not have children and still live a more carefree life in London. The only one who does have children works a lot and has great childcare.

Weirdly, thinking about it, the only mum friends I have who are overweight are sahms... I am a sahm too and though I’m a healthy weight, I have noticed that I’ve gained recently, since I stopped breastfeeding. I think it’s the combination of some really quite stressful days and easy access to my fridge, as we have to stay in the house when the baby naps. I know they shouldn’t be stressful days, as they’re my children and there’s only two of them! But some days I get screamed at all day long with no respite, literally shat on repeatedly and my house, (which I seem to spend my whole life cleaning), gets turned upside down in about five seconds* 😂.

I’m having to really watch myself so my stress / boredom nibbling it doesn’t get out of hand. I’m seriously considering sending dc2 to childcare for a day a week from September so I can begin to sort myself out, career and health wise.

*not every day is stressful. Most are lovely. And I know it’s just as stressful for WoH mums, but it’s the combination of stress and easy access to fridge I think which leads to my nibblings.

@swingofthings exactly! 10 hours work plus commute plus spending time with the kids means 6 jours sleep. my life is so relaxing with tons of time (irony!).
we can’t afford night nannies or cleaners either as we prioritise the kids education...

Take the toddler to the park and really encourage him to run around, with you. Walk a lot. It will distract you from eating. The weather is getting warmer now.

Do HIIT vidéos from YouTube.

You don’t need a gym,

Do you have a friend you can do toddler swaps with? you look after hers for a few hours once a week and she does the same? I did this a lot with my friends and the time was useful.

I live in quite an affluent area. A lot of my friends are SAHMs and exercise is a real priority. They often have PTs and do at least one form of exercise every day. Exercise is a priority for me too but i work and DH works late so getting out can be a problem....although youtube is my friend and i use workouts from there if i can't get out.

"I don't think posh people go to WW or slimming world though?"

It took me a long time to figure out what Mumsnet's problem was with Slimming Worlds until I realised the posters were just too posh for the kind of food Slimming World was suggesting for its target audience. Those Mumsnetters had presumably got fat without eating too many processed foods and looked down on the Muller lights, etc. However, for SW's target audience, this kind of food is an easy option.

OP, can't your husband allow you some space to go to the gym some nights? He's prioritising his own health and fitness but he should be thinking about what you need too. If not the gym, then even just a power walk around the block. I find swimming really satisfying as it's not too high impact and I find it quite relaxing. Or maybe a group weight loss class. Whatever appeals, your husband needs to do his share in the evenings by freeing up some time for your wellbeing.

I found that online shopping helped us to eat better. I spent some time coming up with decent food options for 7 days then I re-order it a lot on my Sainsbos account for convenience. Frees up time too as I don't have to go and buy it all with a toddler in tow. I also don't order snacks which I know I wouldn't resist if they were staring me in the face in the supermarket.

Slow cookers are also helpful - pre-prepared frozen casserole veg, new potatoes and some meat thrown in with some water and a packet of casserole stuff and then it's good to go 10 hours later. Minimum effort.

Xx

It's diet.

Whilst exercise is great for overall health, the amount you'd need to do in order to have a really meaningful effect on weight is huge.

For example, someone weighing 10st burns a little over 300 calories by brisk walking (not strolling!) for 1 hour.

So the equivalent of a packet of crisps and a single chocolate biscuit needs 1hr of solid effort to negate the calorie intake!

And given that body fat is roughly 3,500 calories per pound, you can see how many hours of extra effort exercising it would take to have any meaningful effect on body weight.

My local gym has a really reasonable creche and when i was a SAHM with toddler/s i used it 1-2 mornings a week so i could run/use the gym.

I live in one of the wealthiest towns in England and we have one of the highest proportions of size 8 women here.

Most of my friends do not eat any crap at all, we have very little sugary food in the house and if we have coffee mornings etc...very few people touch the cakes. I don't eat breakfast every morning and I try and go to the gym three times a week, I find exercise is really important to feeling and looking better.

Joining a gym with a creche is a good idea. If that's not affordable, get your DH to look after your son at the weekend mornings so that you can exercise then.

1. Your husband is a dick.

1. It's amazing the number of people who don't understand the interaction between weight and social factors on a population level.

1. Your weight sounds like more of a symptom than the problem itself.

There is a little more to it @SuperSara, though you’re right, diet is the main thing.

If you can build muscle mass, I think your metabolism is supposed to speed up. So it’s definitely worth exercising even if you’re overweight. It’s one of my bugbears sorry, when overweight people are told not to bother with exercise till they’re lighter. I know that’s not what you said btw, but it does get said, or maybe the message gets misunderstood. I’m a big fan of exercise and it bothers me when I hear people saying they won’t bother with exercise as they want to get slimmer first. “You can’t outrun your fork” is sort of true, but only half the picture.

Lots of good advice on the thread, which I don’t need to repeat.
I just want to pick up on your comment that DC was 2 going on 3, and you couldn’t go for long walks with them in a buggy.
I’ve taken 3 year olds walking up mountains, OP! They have sturdy little legs and boundless energy.
Ditch the buggy and get out for some lovely fresh air and exercise with your wee one. If you’re worried they might run off, use toddler reins.
Being outside among trees and plants is hugely beneficial for mental health, as well as burning calories.
Start caring for yourself, love your body, prioritise its needs for healthy delicious food and exercise.
Assert yourself - don’t allow DH to dictate nursery non attendance, or to hog spare time for his own gym sessions. You matter too!
Sending a hug, OP. Things will get easier when the wee one is sleeping better and more independent, and will transform when they start school.