To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

[Humpy84]

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

Hi was the same but now I make the time to excerise so I'll ask my husband to take the kids out so I can work out. E.g. don't you and your husband alternate evenings at the gym. Doesn't seem fair that he gets to go every night but you don't have child free time to go too!

Agree, it does seem to be a 'class thing', although not a hard and fast rule, obviously. We live in a very expensive London neighbourhood, populated by an excess of slim women, and I think the following reasons are true:

• every one round here is slim and goes to the gym/runs in the park/goes to spinning/Pilates classes, so there is much more motivation to be like that yourself (not true of my DH's hometown up North, where people are noticeably larger)

• it's a mixture of working and non-working mums, but most of the SAHMs don't have that much childcare (they would prefer to spend the money on more worthwhile things I guess - loft extensions, holidays etc), but are just very active with their kids. They walk everywhere (as is common in cities) and are always in the park, rain or shine, doing the various activities on offer there with their kids - mini football/tennis/fitness classes or just in the playground.

• also a general view that it is better/healthier to cook from scratch, rather than go to McDonalds, order take-outs etc. They are a rare 'treat' rather than the norm.

• speaking personally, it has also been a realisation that at my age (mid-forties) the prospect of our own demise is more real (my DH and I have both lost parents recently) and the need to look after both my physical and mental health has become much more of a priority. Agree with the poster above who said that if I eat junk and don't exercise, my MH really suffers too.

Also it depends what is around you and social norms. I posted earlier about struggling with baby weight but I’m still a 12-14 max so not massive. It’s just that I feel big compared to all the 6-8s (affluent area) and my nice clothes don’t fit.

Gym/creche in the daytime sounds like a good idea, or can you go swimming with DS too? As much walking as possible and active play with DS in the park - play football together, throw the ball, running around etc.

But agree that staying slim is much more about diet and portion size, but also probably daily activity and a lot less about the gym.

Slim people of whatever class will eat a lot more lean protein, fruit and veg, eggs, pulses and limit processed food, sugar, crappy bread etc.

Also portion size will be a huge factor, many overweight people simply eat a lot more. Pizza is a good example - stereotypical overweight person's approach to pizza will be a whole pepperoni pizza, either from a takeaway or a supermarket or frozen one. So well over 1000 calories in one meal, whereas a slim person eating pizza will probably have half a vegetable topped pizza with a load of salad on the side, so far far fewer calories.

Op, from your post, your problem is your dh, not your diet etc.
He is unhelpful and off at work. He leaves you struggling while he goes to the gym. He isn’t there which means YOU make the care decisions. Or he can give up work and look after your dc instead.
You need to find a childcare solution that suits YOU & your child, and get back to the life you are comfortable with.

I’m a single, full-time working mum of one son. I’m slim because I run, I cook from scratch, I don’t drink alcohol, and I’m HAPPY. It has absolutely nothing to do with class, or money. My only expense has been a pair of running shoes every 3 years.

Op, please, find a solution to your childcare needs and get back to doing what you love. And you could change your user name to something a bit kinder. x

@babdoc this is all so true, you sound so lovely, thank you.

@margot33 thanks for confirming my feelings on this

Thanks everyone, I always know I will get quality advice and I feel reignited, motivated.

Tonnes of practical advice like making toddler walk and finding a few good recipes, sleep being Crux of the issue etc

All this stuff I know but needed reminding and to organise my thoughts,

Also realising that I’m making too many excuses and I’be more opportunities and advantages than I realise.

Am based in Australia and two year old off to in-laws beach house for Easter weekend with dh. I’m staying home to avoid mother in law and have a break from my darling, beautiful but tiring little boy. Will use this time to make some good meals, freeze and kick start my regime.

Thanks a million

Personally I think your problems are your DH, giving up your studies, and depression.

But it really doesn’t cost money to lose weight it just takes discipline. Exercise could help with depression too.

Sorry about so many typos

Xpost with OP - how lovely to be in Aus.

It’s much easier to get out of the house and exercise when it’s not pissing with rain.

I think that your social circle is important. Someone above mentioned that no one ever asked her "do you fancy a fry up". That got me thinking about when I've put in weight in my life and it was definitely a combination of having to walk slowly with toddlers and the people I met up with at the time.

Forgot to say, definitely talk to your DH about the imbalance in free time/time for you. He's at work all day (does he do long hours too) and the gym every night. If you can make time for activity in the daytime, that's good, but if not, he needs to come home and put DS to bed while you can go to the gym etc.

How much time does he have DS one to one without you being there? Although I see that he's taken DS to the inlaws for the weekend.

So you've got a few days alone? Can you make sure you eat as well as possible for those few days? Go shopping today if you don't have stuff in and get some nice fish, or whatever you like that's fresh and healthy. Try downloading couch to 5k and go for a run? Go for a long, brisk walk, maybe have a nice coffee but no syrup or cake.

I am middle class and I am overweight. I think there tends to be an expectation in the middle class to appear to have it all - the house, the income, the holidays, the amazing figure, the doting husband and amazingly behaved children blah blah. There is a lot of social pressure, in a way that - from my own experience- isn’t there with those from working class backgrounds, they are more likely to just not fret about those things in quite the same way. It’s more about managing, living the best life you can within your means and just enjoying what you have. Massive stereotypes both ways of course but just my observations from people I know within both circles.

And then you get people like me who know we eat too much, don’t enjoy exercise, don’t really care too much about being a bit fat and don’t feel the need to fit in with a group of people. Odd ones out really. I wouldn’t say no to suddenly waking up a size 8 tomorrow but I don’t have the energy or interest in achieving that despite knowing what a healthy diet is / having time for the gym / money to throw at it.

I guess weight is a massively complex thing.

Not sure if this has been said OP, but the mindset within the MC groups of women who I know (who, yes are all size 8-10) is that you have to go a bit hungry/diet some of the time if you eat treats at other times. So all of us will go out for a slap up dinner, over eat and drink etc. but the next day will be a fast day - skip breakfast, light lunch and dinner.

Most of the thin people I know eat like that. I think 'healthy eating' advice has a lot to answer for. People shouldn't skip meals regularly, but every now and then (1-2 times a week) it does no harm, and actually interestingly there is evidence that a bit of fasting does a great deal of good!

Good food is expensive
I wish people would stop saying things like this. There is plenty of cheap nutritious food available in the UK. You don't need to eat expensive food to be slim and reasonably healthy. Eating too much cheap crappy food is a choice for the vast majority (yes I know there are always some extreme situations where McDonalds or Dominos might be the only option).

I live in a fairly wealthy area in the North.

What I notice is that practically every slim mum over 40 with children under 18 does a substantial amount of exercise. They are the ones that go out running every night, and run half marathons every month. They are constantly training for a race.

My own mother's experience bears this out. She was a size 8 at 5'2 in her 40s and 50s because she ran three times a week with a ten miler on a Sunday.

A lot of mums aren't in positions where this sort of thing is possible until their children get into their teens. However, if you have money, you can purchase help to create this time.

It's essentially about how wealth and circumstance formulates lifestyle. It's not about knowledge per se; I know doctors who struggle because the demands of their jobs plus young children make it impossible to engage in regular exercise and decent sleep.

Anyone else amused at the number of posters here eager to declare themselves as middleclass? Don't think I've seen one yet admit they are lowly workin' class...maybe they are illiterate ?

Such vanity

I wouldn't mind losing a stone before we go on holiday and I'm middle class.

Some of the things you can do are pretty easy. Eat nothing at all until a late lunch for example and then nothing until dinner. Only drink tap water. Fasting in moderation can be good for you and it is cheap free and takes no time (although don't do it if you are anorexic etc).
Most weight loss is through less food not more exercise although exercise is certainly very good for you.

I tend to eat pretty healthy foods so a main meal is often a pice of fish or meat or tin of sardines with loads of veg.

However whatever your class or income level it is not easy for most people and more people in ther UK are over weight than not now. If we had a magic easy formula we could sell we would be billionaires.

@CupOhTea

I agree with you.

I suppose my point is that making a change to exercise more, whilst not changing diet, will have very, very little effect on weight unless the exercise is extreme. That in itself would be demoralising.

Completely agree too regarding people being put off exercise on the premise that they should lose weight first, then start. The effect exercise has on your feeling of wellbeing is worth the effort regardless of calorie burning, and feeling generally 'better' is a good step towards changing your diet, outlook, personal goals etc too.

They can afford to treat/reward themselves in other ways rather than with food.

The healthier my shop is the more expensive it is.

They can have nannies whilst going to expensive pilates classes and lovely gyms.

Their wealthy husbands can easily trade them in for a younger fitter model.

Another way of looking at this, for those who cares more about their look will make sure they look slim and look "expensive". They might not be as well of as you.

The op specifically asked about middle class and upper class mums. So people are probably much more likely to define themselves as middle class rather than upper class. I don’t see how that is vanity - probably more the opposite.

I’m not fat but not skinny either bmi is 24.9 and I’m a 12 bottom on the high stem feet with big boob so I never feel skinny

I try and stay in shape by regular swimming and gym and I eat ok. Don’t drink a lot Only a few glasses a week usually unless on holiday or Xmas.

I guess I have the luxury of time as I only work 2 days a week as dh is a good earner.

I agree Lazy. And Dominos and even McDonalds is expensive compared with what you can cook at home.

If you have no money, no time, no energy, egg or beans on toast is healthy, costs very little and doesn't take much time or effort. Vegetable soup can be made very cheaply and with little effort.

The OP is clearly not in the situation where she's stuck in a bedsit with no cooking facilities and only an overpriced convenience shop and nasty chicken shop as accessible food outlets. She just needs to make some small changes and for her DH to be more present at home so she has time to exercise.

The thread is about class. It’s not vanity to respond to the thread by saying what class you think you are. What’s bad or good about being middle class anyway? My dh is working class. Through and through and proud of it. He actually laughs at me for being as he considers it “posh” and my posh accent. Not everyone aspires to be middle class.

Resisting temptation is what I find hard about weight loss, although even I have managed to get from a BMI of 34 to 24 over the last couple of years. I would describe myself as working class without loads of money, if that's relevant.

Temptation is just as hard however rich you are. Look at Oprah Winfrey and Elizabeth Taylor for instance. They've had decades of battling their weight. Plenty of other examples too numerous to mention here.

I am not a vegan, but eating a lot of vegan food helps to keep the cost of meat protein down - chickpeas, lentils, etc. Mash chickpeas, put in a wrap with salad and some salsa. Make your own recipes and ideas.

Housework and being busy with kids is enough movement without complicated and expensive workouts in the gym. Add a home work-out DVD in, if you want.