To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

[Humpy84]

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

@Surfskatefamily not being able to afford healthy food is valid. the others - you can adress. sleep deprivation is normal, and very few people have a nanny (my childcare just about covers my working hours, no family help). you can go to the park sleep deprived and with the children. don’t sit down, never stay at home for more than half a day. walk at least 15000 steps a day. free, and helps with your miid.
eat less, walk more.

I've noticed this too. Locally, it's because they have nannies and night nannies and don't work, so they take time every day to go to expensive gyms and private Pilates classes.

I also think a lot of weight gain after having babies is stress-related. You are chained to your children 24-7 with little support, sleep deprivation and no free time. The quickest pleasure fix and energy boost is sugar. If you are refreshed because a night nanny has your child at night, and free because a nanny has you child during the day, then you don't need to sugar binge. There's also a lot of pressure and status attached to staying thin. You get dropped from the exclusive cliques if you get fat and stay fat.

@woodcutbirds i know nobody - nobody - who has a night nanny or childcare that covers more than work and commute. we all are around a size 10 and full time professionals. you don’t need to go to expensive classes to stay fit. there is loads for free that you can do with kids of all ages - and eat less calory intake (staying out if the house helps a lot with that!)

I have always been slim, size eight - and I have three children, now teens. I’m middle class, I suppose , but have a joint less than national average income . I weigh more or less the same weight I was before children. Secrets probably are - we don’t have a car, so a lot of walking. We don’t do online shopping , so always go to the supermarket in person . No cleaner, so a lot of housework. When the dc were small , one was in a buggy, another in a sling, etc. They’re quite close together in age. I actually tended to lose weight and had to make an effort to keep it up to a decent weight. I’m a bit of a fidgeter so I tend to be moving a lot . Even if on the sofa watching tv I’d be moving in some way. I’m a worrier and if I worry I tend not to eat much. Never planned meals . Never did any formal exercise. Dh tended to do the cooking and I use leftovers for lunchtimes. I do snack, I like chocolate, and would have some
Most days. I worked part time when the dc were small , from home . Now I work full time and find it easy to get 10000 steps into my day just getting to and from work and moving around.

The middle class skinnies I know it's calorie counting/portion sizes, exercise, and healthy lifestyle (weekends spent running, cycling, swimming, tennis, etc.)

The working class skinnies I know it's black coffee, stress, walking miles and, often, smoking.

But I also know middle class smokers and working class health freaks so it's not that simplistic, just as class isn't.

I don't think posh people go to WW or slimming world though?

I assumed it was the logical connection that those who have worked their way into the "perceived" middleclass use that same sheer determination to succeed in their chosen profession - which must be bloody hard!!, to also resist the temptation to scoff the cheap multipacks in one sitting, to not cop out and have yet another takeaway, to not be constantly nibbling between meals, to not take the easy way out at every opportunity.

If we were all 100% honest with ourselves, we would know the real reason why we get fatter.

I agree with your assumption tho, it does seem that the more deprived areas do infact show the higher weight gain. But then these areas are often saturated by Take-Aways plus the 24/7 instant access to food & Booze, non stop TV...just sit and eat...easy peasy.

I remember not so long ago when shops did shut...SHOCK HORROR!!
When confectionary was only available at newsagents and only sold individually (No Multitpacks). When shops shut at 5:30 and that was it unless you popped to the pub for a bag of crisps or the local chippy.

The fatter we get, the more we crave, the more we crave the more we spend, hence it's in their (suppliers) favour to to fatten us up so we consume/spend more.

Just be stubborn - and say NO!

Me personally, I hate lining others pockets...HATE IT! Nobody lines mine, so why should I line theirs? Hence why I don't often eat crap and why I'm still pretty much the same weight I was 30yrs ago, but also why most of family and friends have piled it on over the years as they gave in to this modern "have it all" 21st century lifestyle and consume all they can.

Those two things coupled with the social pressure of moving in circles where your peers are all slim and well groomed means you don’t end up wanting to be an outlier.

The key to maintaining a healthy weight is not to get fat in the first place. Barring pregnancy and certain medical conditions, putting on a lot of weight is generally not an overnight thing.

I am 50. Since I was late thirties/40 after 2 children, it became so much easier to put on weight. Now I routinely cut out one meal or indulge one day and fast the next day, to ensure the scales do not waver more than 1-2 kg from my set weight. It may not work for everyone, but it is how I maintain my figure and I don't feel deprived of good food. I also happen to work ft with an hour-long London commute, a lot of which is on foot.

To get rid of pregnancy weight, I went for a lot of walks in the buggy with the babies, who were poor sleepers and had to sleep in a moving buggy. It took 9 months to regain pre-pregnancy weight with dc1 and 3 months with dc2.

OP, that was in answer to your question. In your case, there is stuff you have going on the background which is totally understandable. Hopefully you are out of your PND and can start going for walks more.

I think it’s too easy to blame other factors when often the one thing that is lacking is the real motivation to eat well and exercise. I am middle class and fat, I can easily afford to buy all the right foods, join a gym, go to exercise classes etc etc. I only work part time, my DS is a teenager so doesn’t need looking after at night, DH would support me whatever I do ... but I lack the motivation. I could be out now for a brisk walk but I am lying in bed mumsnetting & planning a fry up. I have fat friends & thin friends, I don’t think class really comes into it but I do understand it’s a lot easier to make the right choices if you can afford it.

Money buys time to exercise. Also peer pressure plays a role; when you meet for coffee it is hard to be the only one ordering cake.

It is nice and healthy to be thin but there is also a weird obsessional thing going on amongst the middle/upper classes at the moment where people who do no real sport pride themselves in training to have the physique of an athlete. I don’t think that is healthy either.

@kittywindbag astute observation and so true. When my thin friends say, “I eat so much ice cream” I often question the specifics and find out they mean a small tub once a month when they have pms or interpret “so much” to be entirely different. Also have very thin mother in law that won beauty pageant in twenties who obsessed with weight, likes to pretend it’s all genetics but walks 8km a day without fail and very looks conscious. I think genetics accounts for some things and metabolism a bit but only goes so far. Think also people appear to eat lots be cause they save up all their calories for dinner or certain meals
Definitely in fashion to make out its genetics and a bit of Pilates, agreed,

OP Why have you had to give up so much? When your husband has given up nothing?

Taking your child out of daycare impacts you but not your husband.

Interrupting your Law (degree/professional qualification?) is a huge thing. It impacts you now and will be hard to return to because you’ll have forgotten so much. Why did he not support you to continue?

How can your husband possibly be going to the gym every day and not facilitating your active membership of said gym. Why would he do that?

Does your husband even like you? Because you sound like the hired help for his child.

The Food-Insecurity Obesity Paradox is worth looking into though

What @prettyvase said. My philosophy is to always see food as a flexible thing; three meals a day is not essential, and balance out any junk food! So if for example I might have a slice of cake at work I will then have a very light lunch - or even miss it! Or if I have a huge lunch, then a light supper of fruit and crackers later in the evening is all that’s required. I never have three ‘large’ meals a day, in fact I’d say I have one or two, with a bit of light grazing in between! Balance is key.

We moved to an affluent village fifteen years ago and I did notice that pretty much every family tends to eat well, provide their children with healthy packed lunches, and is outdoor and exercise-mad. It’s an integral part of our culture to go for sociable dog walks, surfing or sailing weekends, cycling tours etc. Everyone seems to do some kind of sport or exercise on a regular basis, whether they work FT or at SAHPs. And yes, pretty much everyone I know here is slim.

I dispute that it’s a money thing too as most people I know don’t have nannies or even gym membership; it’s just a case of getting outside. When my two were little I used to briskly walk for at least an hour everyday with a double buggy... and as for food, we eat v cheaply on fruit, veg, pulses, wholegrains, mainly vegetarian, I’d say our evening meals come in at well under £5 per night for four. Healthy packed lunches and porridge are not expensive either!

Don’t eat shit takeaways. Don’t graze.

This is so honest, rarely admitted and amazing to me about cliquey Mama Regina Georges. What goes through the minds of women who stop being friends with someone because of looks ? How to they justify their superficial values and judgments, it’s just so weird of me that there are adult women who think that way about people.

I’m just not bothered by food. I like it, I eat it but I have a fairly healthy relationship with it. I don’t calorie count but I can’t imagine I eat over 2,000 calories a day. I eat healthy food for the most part although I do eat biscuits/chocolate whenenver I fancy it, but this tends to be less often, maybe three times a week.

I don’t excercise currently due to a complicated pregnancy but normally I’d go to the gym three times a week. My OH is supportive in that if I want to go on a particular day he’ll makensure he’s home and has nothing on if he can. He also goes to the gym every day, although his is a 24 hour gym so he goes after me.

I also think genetics play a part. My mum is a size 6, my grandma a size 8. I am (when not pregnant) a size 6/8. Even when I give birth I’ll probably be a size 8 within 24 hours as I was with my other two.

I think at the end of the day, you need to fit in what you can. You OH should be supporting you more than he is, maybe discuss putting your son back into nursery to help you progress. Motherhood can be all consuming if you let it, and it’s so easy to become ‘x mum’ rather than an individual.

Er, they eat sensibly, don’t drink to excess and exercise.

@georgethebleeder these are all valid points but I have managed to pack up my toddler and husband to go to in-laws for Easter without me. Winning. You are exactly right in all of your points and this is the real crux of my problem. Thank you. You have all saved me hundreds in therapy. I love MN.

Haven't rtft as the app keeps crashing on me!

Check out your portion sizes. I roughly halved ours a few years ago and it helps. I basically don't really buy or eat snacks and we only drink water except for one glass of juice in the morning and wine in the evening obviously . Otherwise we eat reasonably healthily though could do better if DH liked vegetables. Lean meat etc.

Soup for lunch is good to shed a few lbs quickly.

You sound totally overwhelmed and whatever size or weight you are won't fix having a demanding toddler and a (insert your own word) husband.

As a PP said:

I also think a lot of weight gain after having babies is stress-related. You are chained to your children 24-7 with little support, sleep deprivation and no free time.

I totally agree. This was my lifestyle when my eldest was a toddler, but I was a size 8 and still felt like I was sinking.

I don't have a diet or exercise fix for you but I do suggest what helped me. My DH agreed to put my DC to bed every other night. No excuses. No work or hobby get out.

It helped him understand the realities of trying to get a toddler to cooperate rather than giving suggestions of what I should do. It improved their bond. And it gave me 3/4 evenings a week of head space where I could prepare good quality meals, go for a walk or just watch mindless trash on the tv.

I'm working class and I lost tons of weight following all of my births, especially my first. Here's how.
I was a SAHM who did 99% of the childcare and 100% of the housework. I walked for miles every day and didn't eat too much. That's it.
There's an idea on this thread that you have to eat 'healthy foods' which are expensive and go to the gym to exercise in order to be lose weight. You really don't.
The only problem I didn't have was that my babies all 'slept through' quite early, to the extent that I was able to get a few hours sleep at night, so I was often tired but never really exhausted. I got them into a routine very quickly, that was the done thing then.
There was also probably more pressure to 'get your figure back' for all women then, it didn't happen naturally for me. I can vaguely remember doing the Rosemary diet and exercise routine when I needed to lose weight to be a bridesmaid.
I also agree with contentedsoul's post. I hate wasting money and get a little kick out of making a cheap meal that is nutritious and healthy.

….also plate sizes..
Our plates look massive when compared to our parents generation. Too easy to fill it up....and easier still to eat it all!

Op did you watch that programme 'The secrets of slim people'?

Several things were noted as pp's have said above .
Some of the thin people did the following.

1. Intermittent fasting. One person got all of their calories in a six hour window of the day.

1. Slow eating and being busy. One woman was constantly up and out of her seat tending to her kids and was on the go all day so she finished her meal slowly.

1. Eating a small portion. One woman ate what she wanted but never finished a full meal even buying a donut, she would have just have a few bites.

1. Gut bacteria. One woman had great gut bacteria that they tested in a lab. Apparently they are looking into transplants for this through the mouth or bum.

1. One woman was a mystery and ate 3000 calories a day. They simply said this is in the genes.

So there are things you can do but some people are just lucky.

P.s. if it helps I occasionally lock myself in the loo to finish texting when ds is climbing on my back, you are not alone!

It's sadly true that there are more overweight working class people than middle class. Working class people tend to have more unhealthy diets (obviously there are plenty of healthy working class people and plenty of unhealthy middle class people but where I live you'd be blind not to notice the correlation). This inequality is something I think about a lot and not sure what the solution is. It's not simply that healthy food is more expensive as you can buy cheap fruit and veg. It's about cultural change. Sorry, that's not really the answer you're looking for!